Sources close to President Obama's inner circle say he has listened to the Republican teabaggers, birthers, gun-toting militiamen and town hall criers and that he "hears them loud and clear." After some long and painful reflection, he has decided to give them back their country.

Because there is so much concern about what the government is going to do to grandma, the first step of winding down the federal government will be to end Medicare and Social Security. According to sources, Republicans and their libertarian allies have convinced Obama that America's seniors can take better care of themselves with the help of their families and the free markets, which are better equipped to provide for their dignity, health, and wellbeing. Ending these wasteful programs will save taxpayers trillions of dollars, and reduced life expectancies will result in huge bonus savings on health care costs.

Regarding the national debt, Obama will file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy on behalf of the United States. This will automatically wipe out most of our debt, providing an immediate benefit of approx. $40,000 for every man, woman, and child in America. Holders of T-Bills, Savings Bonds, and the like can get in line with defense contractors, road builders, veterans with pensions, and China to collect whatever pennies on the dollar they can for what they are owed during the restructuring of the Full Faith and Credit of the United States government.

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Except now the president is prepared to argue that he was with the unsatisfied majority. Here's a follow-up: what does that say about Bush's opinion of the one-third of Americans who bought into the White House line and told pollsters that they approved of how the war was going?

--Steve Benen

Yeah, that's right, Bush knows you're all either fellating tools or outright suckers, Fox News style. Keep on "rooting for your team" while your pocket gets picked, your cat gets kicked, and your child gets the raw end of the deal, either as a bloodied soldier of endless war, or as a penniless waif in toxic world. You know you like it, McMansion, SUV and wide screen TV. It's all good in the 'hood!

Fear me this suckas'! Try to focus on what's real and what's really scary. You can do it, if only for a few seconds at a time, like the "programming" on TV has conditioned you for. But at least try dammit! Come on and say it, "I was played and I was wrong." It only hurts a little to admit. Face it fools, you ain't ever gonna be one of Bush's base, "the haves and have mores" no matter how much you wanna to win that Powerball.