UN Declares Afghan Election "Credible" and Pope "Jewish"
In a unanimous resolution, the United Nations declared the Afghan presidential election to be "credible" and "legitimate" despite widespread fraud allegations and the withdrawal of President Karzai's opponent, Abdullah Abdullah. In a separate unanimous resolution, the U.N. declared Pope Benedict XVI to be "Jewish" and "possibly Buddhist" despite his Catholic baptism, confirmation, papal election, and long history of pro-Jesus sentiment.
The U.N. General Assembly also encouraged President Karzai to press ahead with "strengthening of the rule of law and democratic processes, the fight against corruption (and) the acceleration of justice sector reform" and Pope Benedict XVI to press ahead with "abstaining from pork products, eating matzoh on Passover, rejecting Jesus, and keep wearing the beanie because it's kind of like a yarmulke. Plus the retro look is very cool."
Encouraged by its success in Afghanistan and Vatican City, the U.N. then launched a tour de force of unanimous resolutionizing, including the following declarations:
- Israelis and Palestinians "love each other"
- The world is "pretty much flat"
- White men can "jump"
- Size "doesn't matter"
- Global warming is "a fascist conspiracy"
- You can too "pick your friend's nose"
- Canada "is a real country"
But the night was not without discord. An attempt to encourage the Afghan candidate Abdullah Abdullah to accept the election results and change "one of his names" was thwarted by a faction of developing nations led by former U.N. Secretary General Boutros Boutros-Ghali, who argued that the U.N. should take its "head" out of its "tuchus."
Cross-posted at dagblog.com
Would recomment if not for the xenophobic joke about Canada not being a real country.
November 9, 2009 8:24 PM | Reply | Permalink
Oh, laugh a little. It's just to get a rise out of Quinn.
November 9, 2009 8:27 PM | Reply | Permalink
Hey, I'd recommend too, but for the "size doesn't matter" reference. I'm almost through with my introductory dose of Extenz™ and I just don't want to hear that kind of talk now.
November 9, 2009 8:34 PM | Reply | Permalink
10 inches isn't enough for you?
Maybe you should consider being a tortoise.
November 9, 2009 9:14 PM | Reply | Permalink
No, truthseeker is right. I'm an unapologetic anti-Canadite. They're just a bunch of socialists in moose outfits.
(If that doesn't make sense to you, then you've obviously been brainwashed by the Canadian media elite.)
November 9, 2009 10:33 PM | Reply | Permalink
"Moose in socialist garb" might be closer to the truth.
(No rack jokes, please.)
November 9, 2009 10:45 PM | Reply | Permalink
Oh, is it true, Genghis? Is Canada a real country? I thought it was just there to keep the North Pole from falling down.
November 9, 2009 8:29 PM | Reply | Permalink
Canuckistan is a secret plot.
However, the geese, bears, and peoples that live there are fooled into thinking differently.
November 9, 2009 9:16 PM | Reply | Permalink
Just you mockers wait. Acanuck and I are coordinating this thing. It's like moving a piano, you need someone holding up each end. But once he and I start the count of 3, you all are pretty much doomed. 'Cause we're gonna drop the figurative piano - and the cold, dark, Northern Winter will descend on your land, pitching you all into a pitiful, frozen hell, a land with no culture or enlightenment to sustain the human spirit.
It'll be a lot like Philly.
November 9, 2009 9:22 PM | Reply | Permalink
November 9, 2009 9:51 PM | Reply | Permalink
Apparently you've missed the last few weeks. :) Substantial parts of the US are already like that, minus the cold but plus teabagging.
November 10, 2009 5:55 PM | Reply | Permalink
Oh ho! You cannot skeer me, Mr.Canadia, with yer threat of figurative pi-anos and such like, for I already live in Michigan, the state with the highest unemployment rate in our nation.
And also,
Detroit, Flint and Saginaw, three of the most desolate cities in the U.S. that nobody wants to live in on purpose.
And also, too,
Our governor, who used ter be a Canadiator just cut K-12 school funding and social services to balance the budget.
Plus,
Pretty soon they are gonna let all the prisoners out of the prisons to run around and mingle with the general populace, who thank goodness, finally can get a few tokes off that there medical marijuana. If it wasn't for that, we'd ALL leave.
So, if you are thinkin' yer gonna skeer me with a cold, dark Nordern Winter......HA!
I got my rabbit fur earflap hat ready. Bring it.
November 9, 2009 10:16 PM | Reply | Permalink
Sa-Sa-Sa-SAGINAW?
{teeth-rattling fear}
November 9, 2009 10:48 PM | Reply | Permalink
four days to hitch hike
November 9, 2009 11:17 PM | Reply | Permalink
Three days to hitchhike from
All gone to look for Amerrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-ee-ka
November 10, 2009 12:06 AM | Reply | Permalink
Ack! 4
ack!
trucknutz Also.
November 10, 2009 12:06 AM | Reply | Permalink
FC, You should know that Canadian socialists have been spotted nibbling on flowers.
Just saying...
November 10, 2009 12:01 PM | Reply | Permalink
I knewthat moose repellent was gonna come in handy one day! They all laughed at me when I bought a lifetime supply. Thanks for the heads up, moat!
November 10, 2009 4:49 PM | Reply | Permalink
I do not know about these white men jumping. I mean I recall Fran Tarkington...now that guy could jump.
And size...boy it does matter, I mean I got those extenz things and that Niagra stuff...well after three days the poor woman ran out the door and did not even ask for a tip.
I guess I also want to know how John Bolton got to change his name to Genghis and
Are we ever going to get a unanimous ruling from the UN that the Great Lakes are all part of America?
November 10, 2009 2:22 AM | Reply | Permalink
Tarkenton's dead isn't he?
November 10, 2009 10:15 AM | Reply | Permalink
No!
November 10, 2009 11:11 AM | Reply | Permalink
Quinn's just trying to change the subject before someone asks 'How high can Tarkenton jump?", and the discussion devolves into whether it's 3 feet or 5 feet.
November 10, 2009 11:25 AM | Reply | Permalink
50.
November 10, 2009 11:41 AM | Reply | Permalink
30.
November 10, 2009 12:04 PM | Reply | Permalink
LOL!
November 10, 2009 12:07 PM | Reply | Permalink
They then go on to prove that black is white and promptly get run over at the next pedestrian crossing.
C
November 10, 2009 9:56 AM | Reply | Permalink
Before the close of the session, Israelis and Palestinians hugged one another after a rousing corus of 'The Doxology,' the White Men were encourged in group jumping akin to 'the Wave', and there was a massive, joyous frenzy of weenie-wagging and nose-drilling of friends.
The delegates from Canadia refused to participate, and staged a mini-walk-out.
November 10, 2009 10:11 AM | Reply | Permalink
Update: When contacted by reporters, on delgate (who wished to remain anonymous) hinted that their objections weren't about the weenie-wagging: 'In Canadia, (excuse me) we are self-reliant; we will always do our OWN nose-picking, and thank you for this chance to be heard.'
November 10, 2009 12:05 PM | Reply | Permalink
Next you'll be saying that bears don't shit in the woods!
November 10, 2009 11:55 AM | Reply | Permalink
If the Pope shits in the woods, does he make a sound?
November 10, 2009 12:14 PM | Reply | Permalink
He just makes the sign of the cross, and that sends reverberations around the world, just like a butterfly flapping its wings...
November 10, 2009 12:18 PM | Reply | Permalink
There shall be no more talk about the Pope shitting. I just finished lunch.
November 10, 2009 12:21 PM | Reply | Permalink
Show, not Tell...
November 10, 2009 12:46 PM | Reply | Permalink
Are you implying that the popemobile is a port-a-potty?
November 10, 2009 1:02 PM | Reply | Permalink
no, i'm saying that the devil wears Red Prada Knock-offs on his happy feet.
you must admit though; that PopeMobile is well apportioned for all of his eminence's earthly needs.
November 10, 2009 1:10 PM | Reply | Permalink
Great picture. lol!
November 10, 2009 1:18 PM | Reply | Permalink
What a fop!
November 10, 2009 6:45 PM | Reply | Permalink
Oh god Oh god! That would be the pit stop to end all pit stops! The Papal-potty!
November 10, 2009 1:04 PM | Reply | Permalink
Ya allergic to Science, ya foo? Thought ya might wanna know what causes hurricanes, is all.
November 10, 2009 1:06 PM | Reply | Permalink
This is an ignorant discussion. Papal excrement is blessed and transubstantiated into crackers.
November 10, 2009 2:30 PM | Reply | Permalink
wafers - paper thin
November 10, 2009 3:01 PM | Reply | Permalink
Hey, I started it by asking about bears. It was that dirty-minded pseudo-science that took it off in the direction of that paradime (sic) of virtue, the (recently declared) jewish pope! OY!
And PS, pseudo: It would have been silent, except that he lit a match!
November 10, 2009 6:50 PM | Reply | Permalink
Along the lines of truth being stranger than your fiction, I heard the the PBS interview with Karzai last night. One can't really get the full flavor of His Royal Highness Karzai's performance without listening to his tone of voice throughout the interview, nonetheless, I quote a pertinent section from the transcript:
November 10, 2009 12:46 PM | Reply | Permalink
Are you disputing Genghis' claim that we are daily strengthening the rule of law and democratic processes in that fine nation?
November 10, 2009 1:14 PM | Reply | Permalink
I thought Genghis' claim was that puppies are evil and crocodiles are pleasant to swim with. Did I misread?
November 10, 2009 7:04 PM | Reply | Permalink
Well, Sore-y!
The Pope's really from Notre Dame de Grace eh?
November 10, 2009 12:51 PM | Reply | Permalink
In other news, the UN's acceptance of Afghanistan's election results have lent a renewed legitimacy to contested elections in the United States. Perhaps that nation will now experience a resurgence in democracy and rule of law.
November 10, 2009 7:17 PM | Reply | Permalink
We can dream, can't we?
=D
November 10, 2009 7:19 PM | Reply | Permalink
I know... This whole time I thought Canada was America's tophat.
Some dreams die harder than others.
November 10, 2009 7:32 PM | Reply | Permalink