Breaking: Goldman Sachs Apologizes for Earnings, Promises to Reduce Profits
Lloyd Blankfein, CEO of Goldman Sachs, apologized today for his firm's strong earnings in 2009. In a press statement, he took responsibility for the profit and promised to lose money more aggressively for the remainder of the year.
"We are cognizant of the difficulties faced by average Americans and realize that earning money this year is insensitive and shows a lack of gratitude to the American people. We have had difficulty reeducating our employees to understand that there is a right time and wrong time for profitability. Had we known how much money we would make, we would certainly have taken more drastic steps to avoid this unfortunate situation.
"The blame for this year's profit falls squarely on my shoulders. I have initiated internal restructuring to reduce earnings for the remainder of the year. Underperformers will be promoted and rewarded with large bonuses. Our most effective employees have already been placed on indefinite unpaid leave. While it will be difficult to offset the earnings so far, we believe that we can still break even and possibly even take a loss for the year."
Mr. Blankfein also revealed that in Goldman's negotiations to buy back warrants granted to the Federal government under the TARP program, the company has been trying to pay more than the government has been willing to accept.
"We feel that the government is underestimating the value of the warrants. We owe it to our shareholders to purchase them at the full value."
But in light of Goldman's latest announcements, some analysts believe that the Treasury Department's estimate is correct. Roy Wardsback of the Wall Street Journal argued that if Goldman hits the new targets, its share price will be devalued.
"Once Goldman starts losing money again, the warrants will be worth zilch. That loss will ultimately cost the taxpayer, but [Treasury Secretary] Tim Geithner realizes that taxpayers are willing to take the hit if it means lower profits for Goldman Sachs and other banks. It's important to keep these banks insolvent until the economy rebounds and Americans forget about the fiscal crisis. I'm glad to see Goldman embrace the new paradigm. Profitability is so 2008."
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Cross posted as usual at dagblog.com. You can subscribe to all my posts via RSS feed or email.
I do not believe one word that comes out of those fascist corporate oligarch's mouth, or that is written down in their memos or that shows up in their books.
NOT ONE GODDAMNABLE WORD.
This enrages me to a point where if THEY are not all fired tomorrow and replaced with people who wear computer bracelets on their feet I am going to call for an uprising.........
July 17, 2009 7:17 PM | Reply | Permalink
Now, DD. If you would just read that great learned journa-enumerator, rM. yoR backWards, in the Wall Street Journal, you would learn that what is up is not down, it's syawedis, sometimes.
In other words (mine, in fact), these obscene amounts were not profits or earnings. This money was the paycheck due to GoldSux for running the US government and ruining the world's economy.
July 17, 2009 8:10 PM | Reply | Permalink
Quite a quid pro quo per quotient defined by the Treasury Department.
WHAT!
July 17, 2009 8:18 PM | Reply | Permalink
WHERE!
By the way, ☠enghis, this blog is highly rec'd. And so is your explanation, vs mine, that is.
July 17, 2009 8:42 PM | Reply | Permalink
They should apologise for introducing more make-believe money to the economy.
July 18, 2009 6:01 PM | Reply | Permalink