Dear Mr. Alexander,

Thank you for your important and original editorial, "Why are liberals so condescending?" I had no idea that I been guilty of employing tired and contemptuous stereotypes of my conservative brethren. I realize now that my partisan arrogance has limited "our national conversation on critical policy issues" and that if I and my fellow liberals had just been a little more charitable towards conservative sensibilities, the Republicans would be working with us to move the nation forward in harmony instead of being forced to filibuster every bill, nomination, and procedural motion on the Senate floor. All I can say is that I'm sorry, and I will try to be better.

Since your essay explained the many ways in which liberals are condescending but didn't actually answer your own question, I'd like to help by explaining why we liberals are so arrogant.

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A conservative "civil liberties" group has challenged the Hate Crimes Prevention Act of 2009, also known as the Matthew Shepard Act. The Michigan-based Thomas More Law Center is suing U.S. government on behalf of three pastors and the president of the American Family Association of Michigan. The suit alleges that the law violates the plaintiffs' freedom of speech and freedom of religion under the First Amendment, the equal protection guarantee of the Fifth Amendment, Federal jurisdiction constraints of the 10th Amendment, and, for good measure, the Constitution's Commerce Clause. That's three Amendments and one Clause, which is an awful lot of unconstitutionality for one bill.

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The media's focus on Justice Samuel Alito's head shaking dissent during President Obama's State of the Union address has overshadowed many other breaches of decorum from both sides of the aisle. State of the Union expert Dr. Isabel Strong called the reaction to Obama's speech "the most indecorous since President William Henry Harrison's infamous 'the state of the union is phlegmatic' speech of 1843."

While it is not unusual for legislators to react with subtle expressions of disapprobation to presidential utterances, Strong noted that Republican facial reactions bordered on disgust. She recorded an unprecedented number of scowls and glares directed both at the President and legislators across the aisle. Democrats, for their part, countered glare for glare, delivering an average 42.3 glares per minute to the Republicans' 47.3, the highest on record since analysts began measuring in 1913. By contrast, Republicans were almost four times more likely to scowl than their Democratic counterparts.

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The Tea Party, a potent collection of dyspeptic right-wing populist groups, was on the verge of national conquest. Having defeated a Republican candidate in a New York House election and a Democratic candidate in the Massachusetts Senate election, it seemed that there was no stopping this crew of tax-rejecting, socialist-hating, health-care-not-wanting defenders of the Constitution and all that is good in America.

But on the eve of triumph, the Tea Party's first ever national convention is collapsing in acrimony, having been sabotaged by a devious Capitalist conspiracy. According to news reports, the organizer of the event, a for-profit company called Tea Party Nation, secretly planned to make money by charging $500 per ticket. Tea Party Nation had also colluded with guest speaker Sarah Palin, who reportedly plotted to charge a $100,000 speaking fee. Some even suspect that Tea Party Nation had a secret relationship with Tea Party Express, an organization that is controlled by Capitalist corporations and the Republican Party, a well-known Capitalist front. Erick Erickson, who runs the right-wing blog, RedState.com, called the whole event "scammy."

Tea Party Nation has not responded to our attempts to contact them. We can only conclude that they are deep inside an insidious Capitalist plot to destroy the Tea Party. We encourage Teapartiers to make use of their excellent protesting skills to protest their own convention. We also call on President Barack Obama to reign in these devious Capitalists with legislation that would make it a crime to make money by charging poor people exorbitant fees--except for health care of course.

Cross-posted at dagblog.com

Yesterday's Massachusetts' election affects me personally. I'm self-employed and have a cheap health plan. Within the first few months of beginning a new plan, I'm already involved in a dispute with the provider, Golden Rule, a subsidiary of UnitedHealthcare. My health plan, I recently discovered, doesn't cover preventive care in the first three months. I don't know why they have this restriction. It would not be a big deal except that no one told me about it, not when I signed up and not when I called to confirm that my physician was in network. I learned of the restriction only when I received the bill for my annual check up, which happened to come two-weeks before the three-month limit. But I'm sure that it's written in my contract somewhere.

Nonetheless, my dispute is minor, a few hundred dollars. Many people far less fortunate than me with serious diseases and hospital bills running hundreds of thousands of dollars have been left desperate and hopeless because of contractual technicalities. Others have no insurance contacts at all.

Now it seems likely that the health care bill, which seemed at long last close to passage, will fail like the others. The Democrat-controlled House can't agree with the Democrat-controlled Senate. America will continue to boast the worst health care in the industrialized world. American people will continue to suffer.

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In the wake of resignations by Democratic Senators Chris Dodd and Byron Dorgan, Democrats may be taking some shortsighted solace in the prospect of a brewing conservative civil war between the Republican Party establishment and the revolting Teabaggers, no pun intended. The differences between the warring camps are not ideological - the G.O.P. long ago purged its dissenting moderates - but attitudinal. The Teabaggers have embraced a paranoid worldview according to which they suspect President Obama, House Speaker Pelosi, and assorted White House bureaucrats (the so-called "czars") of a secret plot to destroy the country, or as Teabag-hero Glenn Beck has put it, "feast on the Republic." The paranoia has led them to vilify any Republicans who express doctrinal flexibility or willingness to compromise with Democrats.

Dale Robertson, one of the founding baggers, recently growled to the Republican Party, "We are turning our guns on anyone who doesn't support constitutional conservative candidates." The latest victim of Teabagger gunplay is Florida Republican Party chairman Jim Greer, an ally of moderate Gov. Charlie Christ. Teabaggers, who have vowed to block Christ's 2010 Senate campaign, reportedly orchestrated Greer's resignation. On his way out, Greer lambasted the "destructive behavior" of those who have been "tearing and shredding the fabric of the Republican Party to pieces." Jim Greer, incidentally, is the same voice of moderation who promoted the conspiracy theory about Obama's back-to-school speech last September:

As the father of four children, I am absolutely appalled that taxpayer dollars are being used to spread President Obama's socialist ideology...President Obama has turned to American's children to spread his liberal lies, indoctrinating American's youngest children before they have a chance to decide for themselves.

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God issued an unusual apology on Monday for failing to stop Senate Democrats from cutting off a Republican filibuster of the health care bill. In a brief press statement, God acknowledged underestimating Democrats' resolve and promised a thorough review His divine intercession policies.

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When I was twelve years old, my father took a sabbatical in London, and our family moved from quiet, middle class Iowa City to London's buzzing if somewhat downtrodden Camden neighborhood. I enrolled in a "state school" called J.F.S. (Brits confusingly call their private academies "public schools".) I would walk to school by myself past the gloomy "estates" (housing projects) and the jumbled little shops of Kentish Town, shyly self-conscious in my blue blazer, gray sweater, and striped blue-and-gold tie.

But I would not put on my blue-and-gold beanie until I arrived at the school. A beanie is an unusual accessory in an English school uniform. Its significance is suggested by the full name of the school, Jews Free School. The "beanie" was a yarmulke.

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Orrin Hatch--Utah's longest serving senator in history, former presidential candidate, proud member of the Finance Committee, the subcommittees on Energy, Natural Resources, and Infrastructure and Taxation and IRS Oversight, the Select Committee on Intelligence, the Committee on the Judiciary, and the Health, Education, Labor and Pensions Committee, as well as the Joint Committee on Taxation--can now add another feather to his well-befeathered hat: Hanukkah lyricist.

You may be surprised to learn that in addition to his senatorial duties and occasional cameos on major motion pictures, the 75-year-old Republican senator is also a songwriter. From his profile page at LDS Music:

Senator Orrin Hatch's song "Heal Our Land" was performed at the inauguration of President George W. Bush, January 20, 2005. This patriotic song was sung by Wintley Phipps, a gospel singer who has performed for presidents at the White House and for popes at the Vatican. He is also the founder the U.S. Dream Academy, an online Christian academic resource.

One of Orrin Hatch's songs can be found on the commemorative CD for the 2002 Winter Olympics. He recently teamed with the Osmonds: Second Generation to produce I Love America. And in the wake of September 11th, Orrin released the single, America United: A tribute to all those who lost their lives on September 11th. His works also include The Locket (music written for the book by Richard Paul Evans), Put Your Arms Around the World with Santita Jackson and Chris Willis, and Many Different Roads: A Tribute to Diana Princess of Wales and Mother Teresa.

According to Wikipedia, the senator has also released several songs under the pen name, "because it's you, man," but this seems like one of those examples when the "citation needed" warning should be heeded.

Senator Hatch loves music, obviously, but he also loves the Jews, whom he affectionately calls "the chosen people." We chosen ones are well known for writing fantastic Christmas jingles like "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer" and "White Christmas," but when it comes to their own holidays, we stink. Our best known Hanukkah melody, "I Have a Little Dreidel," is the most tuneless piece of festive tripe since "Happy Birthday."

When the good senator learned of our suffering from the writer, Jeffrey Goldberg, he decided to return the favor for all those Christmas songs by writing one for us Jews. According to Goldberg:

Hatch said he hoped his song would be understood not only as a gift to the Jewish people but that it would help bring secular Jews to a better understanding of their own holiday. 'I know a lot of Jewish people that don't know what Hanukkah means," he said. Jewish people, he said, should "take a look at it and realize the miracle that's being commemorated here. It's more than a miracle; it's the solidification of the Jewish people."

And so, without further ado, I give you Eight Nights of Hanukkah by Orrin Hatch, a.k.a. "because it's you, man":