I've filed papers with the Illinois Democratic Party requesting nomination as candidate for Lieutenant Governor. Elected offices in this state pay well, if not in salary, then in kickbacks, graft, job-selling and the social benefits that accrue from general cronyism.

I'm preparing a report that will demonstrate to the party the breadth of my support. I've got a Facebook group that's attracting some interest and a website that looks sort-of-real. Most of my supporters are not legal residents of the state, which is fine--the state in question is, after all, Illinois.

I'd sure like to be able to include in my report something like "Recommended by X number of readers of TPM" or some other such waffle-talk.

Help me out here, folks. For your edification, here's my press release which goes out tomorrow to selected media outlets in Illinois.

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 FRANK MULLEN III SEEKS CANDIDACY AS ILLINOIS LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR

Democratic State Central Committee Considers Application

(Aledo, IL) Frank Mullen III has filed papers applying for candidacy as the Democratic nominee for Illinois Lieutenant Governor. An E-mail response received today from the Democratic State Central Committee confirmed Mullen's offer, saying, "Thank you for submitting information for consideration."

"I consider this a ringing endorsement," Mullen said this morning at an informal gathering of his supporter, who declined to give her name. Mullen will officially begin his campaign later today, unless his appointment with the eye doctor runs late. Advance copies of his speech include the following statements:

• "Illinois today stands at the crossroads between Iowa and Indiana."
• "We're sick and tired of Chicago's domination of politics. I swear to you I've only been to Chicago six times, and four of them were layovers at O'Hare."
• "I have no idea what the Lieutenant Governor does, but neither does anyone else, so it's a good fit."

The position of Democratic candidate for Lieutenant Governor is vacant, following the resignation of  Scott Lee Cohen, who finally realized that political office would interfere with his busy life as a family-values Chicago pawnbroker who dates prostitutes and ignores demands for court-ordered child-support payments.  

Mullen is totally unqualified to hold office anywhere in Illinois. He has never been elected to anything, is a newcomer to the state, is unfamiliar with regional issues, has no platform and is not quick on the uptake with facts and figures. He sees no reason why this should hurt him in an Illinois campaign.  

 Frank Mullen III is running for Illinois Lieutenant Governor on the campaign slogan:

                            "Untrustworthy. Untested. Unindicted. Ready to serve."

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 Maverick. Insider. Regular guy. Elitist. All things to all people.

Online at: voteforfrank.blogspot.com

On Facebook: Frank Mullen III for Illinois Lieutenant Governor"

On the off-chance that this post appears somewhere at TPM:

 

Why do some of my posts appear nowhere?

Where are they supposed to be. I mark them for TPM Cafe and/or Election Central but they don't show up.

But sometimes they do, like this one has--maybe, if your reading it.

Are there others with this problem? If so, why not publicly state "Blogging Doesn't Work Yet." It would save us a lot of time hunting, scrolling and cursing while trying to identify the black hole that is sucking posts away,

When I go to my blog, it says that I haven't created a blog yet. Nonsense. I have. But the blogging software doesn't seem to know this, event though it allows me to write posts that appear nowhere.

I understand that posts will slide off the "Recent" list on the front page of TPMCafe. But where do they slide to? They appear nowhere, not in the list, not in the archives.

Nowhere. Nowhere. Nowhere.

Nowhere to the twentieth power.

Someone told me I can get to my blog by changing "%20" to "_" in my address and saving it. Is this the secret handshake that nobody told me about? Sheesh.

Sorry folks, but I try about once a month to post here, but it never gets better. Here I am trying to publicize my incisive, timely, trenchant thoughts and what happens?

This.

All I want is clear, accurate instructions on how to operate this battleship.

 

 

 

 

 

Imagine the national outrcy that would result if this message were to poison the phone lines: 

Hi, I'm calling because you need to know that for five years, John McCain, while in the United States Navy, repeatedly met in private with representatives of an organization that was at war with the United States, a communist-backed group that killed thousands of American citizens and tortured captives.

We may never know for sure what went on at those little gatherings. But we do know that America doesn't need a president with a documented history of meeting in secret with our enemies.  

Facts, the McCain/Palin campaign has proven, can be wonderfully perverted when stripped of context and truth. I see no moral distinction between this vile hypothetical message and some of those reported to be in actual use by McCain/Palin and the Republican National Committee.

I ask: what horrible soul-sickness has infected the candidate who approves of using such tactics?

Months after my first lame attempt at posting on this site, it still makes no sense.

I just wrote a post. Posted it.

It appears nowhere. Not at TPMCafe. Not on the list of "Recommended Reader Posts." Not on the list of "Recent Reader Posts." Nowhere. Nowhere. Nowhere.

When I go back to my blog page, I am told "The user has not created their blog yet." Whatever that means, it isn't true. I was just there at my blog--blogging, if you will.

My legendary sense of humor is evaporating. My wife keeps telling me what a wonderful site TPM is. She's right: it's great as long as you don't try to participate.

AAAIIIEEE!!!

 

After I watched Sarah Palin's speech last night I went to sleep and dreamed I was being attacked by a barracuda.

I woke up in a sea of perspiration, stumbled to the living room and pulled two books from the reference shelf: Collins Hayworth's "Illustrated Encyclopedia of Predators" and "Freud's "Interpretation of Dreams." 

I discovered that barracuda attack in brief, sudden forays at speeds of twenty five miles per hour, their goal being to bite off your weenie or whatever else you don't have zipped up tightly in your wet suit. I also learned that dreaming about having your thingie chewed off is not a sign of general contentment.

I'm scared. It's too easy to laugh off Palin as a glass of clear water that independents and moderates will see through. She's good at what she does. She eyes her prey, flashes that toothy smile and without warning lunges toward the weenie at twenty-five per. McCain's reckless blunder may turn out to be shrewd vote-bait.

Okay, so I don't really own a copy of "Interpretation of Dreams" and I made up that other book. And, yeah, maybe I'm exaggerating about the dream.

Still, I'm not going to bed tonight without a speargun.

Excuse the meaningless posting. I will attempt to remove this as soon as possible--I'm doing this simply to see where it will appear. All is so unclear. I can find no instructions, no FAQs, no nothin'. So I'm charging ahead boldly.
I will hope to have found and removed this before anybody reads this.

But that may not be possible. I hope I am wrong.