flyinsaucier's Blog

Dear People of Iraq,

2009-06-30T00:54:17Z

We invaded your home and didn't bother to take our shoes off or even wipe our feet, some of us even stepped in camel shit on the way in. No wonder you throw shoes at US, celebrate our withdrawal. We accidentally your whole country. We paid to make it go kablooey! and paid to put it back together again. Please keep it together, neither you nor we want US to come back. We Americans are broke and can't afford another lemon. (We just bought Chrysler -- you can have it if you want!)

We killed a lot of your people, we're just not sure how many exactly. Sorry. Our former supreme leader wasn't really that great with numbers. Or letters. Or everything. You killed a lot of our troops, too. Not quite as many, of course, but, you know, some. We accidentally killed a few of our own, mostly those who talked.

Oh, before we forget: Some of our military pals are going to stick around for a while to make sure everything's copasetic. It's cool if they crash on your couches? They won't stay too long. We promise. A few might stay indefinitely, but could you really blame them? You're more likely to remember them than we are. The next time we'll see them will be at some random intersection where they'll be all filthy and grizzly-looking, wearing tattered clothes, holding up a piece of dented cardboard with a poorly written pity message on it, begging for change. Don't get us wrong, Americans support our troops and all, just not literally. We stick signs in our front yards and slap bumper stickers on our gas-guzzling automobiles. Speaking of which, what are you going to do with all that oil? (Too soon?)

It's time for you to sink or swim. (You're probably not familiar with that idiom seeing as you don't really have water. Still, it could probably apply to quicksand. Hey, what's that like?) Make us proud. Or at least less ashamed.

Breaking up is hard to do. At least we'll always have pictures to remember each other by. Sorry again.

Let freedom ring.

The Obamas Do WHAT together?

2009-01-21T01:19:17Z

Leave to Fox News to sully the genuine relationship between Barack and Michelle Obama. The Fox News affiliate in Detroit featured a segment called "The Love Doctor" (click to just before the halfway mark) that discussed how others can follow the Obamas' lead for a healthy and happy relationship. Sounds innocent enough, right? Well, it's the poor choice of wording that will leave you feeling dirty.

I trimmed the clip and uploaded the part in question to YouTube. Let's watch!

Senator Leahy Isn't Intimidated By Guns

2009-01-06T04:53:18Z

As I noted back in June, Senator Patrick Leahy (D, Vermont) isn't intimidated by thugs. The man was not afraid to get in The Joker's face at Bruce Wayne's fundraiser for Harvey Dent in The Dark Knight. Of course, that was just a work of fiction. (Or was it...?) Leahy is also the man who prompted Vice President Dick Cheney to yell "Go fuck yourself!" on the floor of the US Senate. That's right -- Senator Leahy has stood up to both The Joker and The Penguin. So how did Senator Leahy handle himself after being confronted by the real life thugs of the US Border Patrol? Let's just say, don't fuck with Senator Patrick Leahy:

It's interesting - I went through one of those symbolic checkpoints in the state of New York driving back here. It was about 125 miles from the border. In a car with license plate one on it from Vermont. With little letters underneath it that said US Senate. We were stopped and ordered to get out of the car and prove my citizenship. And I said "what authority are you acting under?" and one of your agents pointed to his gun and said "that's all the authority I need." Encouraging way to enter our country.

I'd really hate to be that border patrol officer right about now...

Snowball Fight!

2008-12-12T15:45:05Z

(found on Flickr)

CHANGE

2008-11-07T05:36:26Z

The office of President-Elect Barack Obama (boy, that has a great ring to it) officially launched change.gov today to serve as a bridge from the cataclysmic failure that was the Bush administration to the new Obama administration.

Barack Obama is an agent of change but he cannot bring change alone. If people really want to turn this country around it will take a mass social movement from the ground up. There's no other way it's going to happen.

Change.gov promotes open government and invites all to share your ideas for change. This is unprecedented in American politics. An incoming administration has basically just put a bottomless suggestion box out for all of the country to use.

"When you choose to serve -- whether it's your nation, your community or simply your neighborhood -- you are connected to that fundamental American ideal that we want life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness not just for ourselves, but for all Americans. That's why it's called the American dream."

Additionally, there's profile information about President-Elect Obama, Vice President-Elect Biden, and the upcoming administration. Plus the Obama-Biden Agenda is laid out -- everything from revitalizing the economy, ending the war in Iraq, providing health care for all, protecting America, renewing American global leadership, and more...

You can even apply for a job!

The Most Hated Family in America

2008-11-06T16:54:33Z

Back in May I wrote about Westboro Baptist Church and their incessant picketing of funerals and disregard for, well, EVERYONE. Now it looks like they're at it again....

Westboro Baptist Church plans to picket the funeral of Madelyn Payne Dunham -- Barack Obama's late grandmother.

WBC is so despicable even Sean Hannity thinks they go to far. Hannity told Shirley Phelps-Roper, the daughter of WBC founder Reverend Fred Waldron Phelps Sr., "You are a sick, soulless, twisted human being."

She just laughed it off.

The BBC's Louis Theroux recently showcased the hatred of Westboro Baptist Church in an hour-long exposé. The full video is available online and I thought I'd share it with y'all. With more and more "moderate" Republicans loosing their seats in Congress, religious extremists like this could be the future of the GOP.

McCain's Theme

2008-11-05T17:00:33Z

Following John McCain's concession speech last night, the ironic choice of music playing in the background was the theme to Crimson Tide by Hanz Zimmer. If you've seen Crimson Tide then you know that it's a film about an old, about to retire white Navy captain (Gene Hackman) and his young and inexperienced black Executive Officer (Denzel Washington). They butt heads and fight but in the end Denzel's character is right and ultimately wins.

Just saying...

Al The Shoe Salesman

2008-10-22T14:00:37Z

Move over Joe The Plumber....

Ed O'Neill reprises his role as Al Bundy from Married with Children in Barack Obama's most brilliant campaign ad to date. Ed O'Neill probably falls in the tax bracket where he wouldn't get a tax cut, yet he endorses Obama. Further proof that Obama is the right choice.

How much will you save under the Obama-Biden tax plan? Find out here.

Frontline?

2008-10-21T15:16:40Z

What's up with the background of TPM this morning? Are they turning over the entire site to one single advertisement, in this case PBS' Frontline? Can we expect a full background advertisement for Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2: Electric Boogaloo should that atrocity ever get made?

Do tell...

Obama The Duck

2008-10-17T15:58:29Z

"He must support terrorists! You know, uh, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it must be a duck. And that to me is Obama."

Al Jazeera exposes what the American mainstream media won't. This report clearly showcases the scary and dangerous racism that lurked at a Sarah Palin rally in Ohio, but really it lurks at many of the McCain/Palin rallies. These are the people who yell out things like "Terrorist!" and "Kill him!" whenever someone mentions Barack Obama's name.

It's sad but ignorance abounds in many places of America, not just Ohio. Hell, several of the people in this video could easily be one of my relatives from Louisiana. By stoking hate and fear, these racists are no different than their middle eastern counterparts. Yes, these people are terrorists, too. They don't seem to have the intelligence to appreciate such delicious irony.

Is it just me or does the man who says Sarah Palin is "full of light" remind you of someone?

"I’m John McCain and I approved this message."

2008-09-11T16:25:48Z

Send this video to everyone you know. It is the most comprehensive collection of the lies and deceit being passed around by John McCain.

Palindrone (noun)

2008-09-08T21:12:55Z

(noun) \ ˈpal•in•ˈdrōn \

1. A dull and uninteresting person hopelessly, blindly devoted to another person, cause, or trend for superficial reasons unknown.

2. An oblivious lemming who undermines his or her own human individuality by willfully acquiescing to authority; one who goes with the flow and lacks his or her own free will.

3. An emasculated stay-at-home father and/or husband who has no sting and gathers no honey.

Republican Chatroom Debate

2008-09-08T17:12:01Z

After watching the RNC last week, I thought I'd share with you the first ever Republican Chatroom Debate that I hosted last October. All of your favorites were there: Romney, Huckabee, Giuliani, Thompson, Ron Paul, and a little known candidate named John McCain.

Enjoy....

As we all know, Republicans are more likely than Democrats to find themselves in a chatroom. That’s why here at Megorious we thought why not get them all in a chatroom and ask the tough questions. So that’s exactly what we did. This is the first in what I can only hope will be a series of chatroom debates with the Republican presidential candidates. Today’s debate topic will be terrorism.

MEGORIOUS has entered the chat.
RON PAUL has entered the chat.
MITT ROMNEY has entered the chat.
MITT ROMNEY: ASL?
MIKE HUCKABEE has entered the chat.
JOHN MCCAIN has entered the chat.
MEGORIOUS: I’d like to welcome all of those who found the time in their busy schedules to attend this, the first ever Republican Presidential chatroom debate.
FRED THOMPSON has entered the chat.
FRED THOMPSON: Sorry I’m late.
FRED THOMPSON: I was napping.
MITT ROMNEY: OLD!
FRED THOMPSON: Where’s Rudy?
MITT ROMNEY: I think he had to get a divorce.
MEGORIOUS: We’ll start without him…
MEGORIOUS: Do you believe you could do a better job than the Democrats in preventing another 9/11-style terrorist attack on the United States?
FRED THOMPSON: yes
RON PAUL: yes
MITT ROMNEY: yes
MIKE HUCKABEE: yes
JOHN MCCAIN: no
JOHN MCCAIN: I mean yes
JOHN MCCAIN: LOL
MITT ROMNEY: WTF?
MEGORIOUS: Do you believe the election of Senator Hillary Clinton as president would increase the chances of the U.S. being hit by another 9/11-style terrorist attack?
RUDY GIULIANI has entered the chat.
RUDY GIULIANI: 9/11
RUDY GIULIANI: Sorry I’m late.
RUDY GIULIANI: 9/11
MEGORIOUS: Welcome Mayor Giuliani. We were just discussing Senator Clinton.
RUDY GIULIANI: CUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!911
RUDY GIULIANI: Being the first lady doesn’t make her qualified to be President.
MEGORIOUS: She has been a senator for many years now. Some might say that you are under-qualified to be President having only been a mayor.
RUDY GIULIANI: But I was mayor of 9/11.
RUDY GIULIANI: on 9/11
RUDY GIULIANI: LOL
RUDY GIULIANI: 9/11
RUDY GIULIANI: I was there when those towers fell. You might even say I was on those planes.
RUDY GIULIANI: Actually wait, don’t say that.
RON PAUL: WTF?
RUDY GIULIANI: 9/11
MITT ROMNEY: If I could interject here for a minute….
MITT ROMNEY: Hillary Clinton is not fit to run this country. She’d be better suited in a more controlled position.
FRED THOMPSON: Yeah…as one of your wives.
MITT ROMNEY: fuck you grandpa
JOHN MCCAIN: May I say something?
MITT ROMNEY: NO!
FRED THOMPSON: No.
FRED THOMPSON: You may not.
RON PAUL: Seriously guys show some respect.
RON PAUL: He was a POW.
MITT ROMNEY: LOLZ
MITT ROMNEY: POW!
FRED THOMPSON: BAM!
MITT ROMNEY: ZOINK!
RUDY GIULIANI: 9/11’d!
MITT ROMNEY: OMG U R soooooooooo annoying
MITT ROMNEY: Hey Rudy, UR wife left her bra at my place last night.
FRED THOMPSON: Which one?
MITT ROMNEY: Which bra?
FRED THOMPSON: No, which wife.
JOHN MCCAIN: Are you sure it wasn’t his bra?
MITT ROMNEY: LOLLERSKATES!
MITT ROMNEY: You just got PWNED.
MITT ROMNEY: by a POW
MITT ROMNEY: POWNED!
RON PAUL: odfhgdsfgfigfsdagretfgvndsfajlkberopg
MITT ROMNEY: oh nos!
MITT ROMNEY: Ron Paul’s mad again.
RUDY GIULIANI: I’m scared.
RUDY GIULIANI: Hold me.
FRED THOMPSON: faggot
JOHN MCCAIN has left the chat.
MITT ROMNEY: LOL.
MITT ROMNEY: McCain left.
FRED THOMPSON: Maybe he was taken prisoner.
MITT ROMNEY: LOL
RON PAUL: Not cool.
RON PAUL has left the chat.
FRED THOMPSON: Is it just me or is that Ron guy nuts?
MITT ROMNEY: It’s just you.
MIKE HUCKABEE has left the chat.
MITT ROMNEY: Mikey left.
RUDY GIULIANI: Who was that guy?
MITT ROMNEY: I think he’s governor of Wal*Mart or something.
FRED THOMPSON: retards
FRED THOMPSON: nap time
FRED THOMPSON has left the chat.
RUDY GIULIANI: hello?
RUDY GIULIANI: anyone?
RUDY GIULIANI: 9/11?
MITT ROMNEY: I think it’s just us.
RUDY GIULIANI: oh.
RUDY GIULIANI: wanna cyber?
MEGORIOUS has left the chat.

McCain's Voicemail to Palin Leaked

2008-09-03T04:35:49Z

Here's one of TPM Horse's Ass: Someone does a damn good John McCain impersonation. I guarantee this is the funniest thing you’ll hear all day.

McCain's Voicemail to Palin Leaked to Press

Happy Birthday John McCain!

2008-08-29T05:05:39Z

My friends, John McCain, seen here yelling at a cloud, was born on August 29, 1936. He turns 72 today. The Republican candidate for president is also scheduled to announce his vice presidential running mate today. Coincidence? Mayhap McCain wants to divert attention away from his age and the fact that, if elected, he would be the oldest President to ever take office.

Happy Birthday, John McCain. I hope you have a good one no matter which of your many, many houses you decide to celebrate in. Don't party too hard and get too drunk -- you'd hate to get belligerent and call your (second) wife some dirty word that rhymes with punt. Oh, and don't forget to take your Ambien before going to bed.