We invaded your home and didn't bother to take our shoes off or even wipe our feet, some of us even stepped in camel shit on the way in. No wonder you throw shoes at US, celebrate our withdrawal. We accidentally your whole country. We paid to make it go kablooey! and paid to put it back together again. Please keep it together, neither you nor we want US to come back. We Americans are broke and can't afford another lemon. (We just bought Chrysler -- you can have it if you want!)

We killed a lot of your people, we're just not sure how many exactly. Sorry. Our former supreme leader wasn't really that great with numbers. Or letters. Or everything. You killed a lot of our troops, too. Not quite as many, of course, but, you know, some. We accidentally killed a few of our own, mostly those who talked.

Oh, before we forget: Some of our military pals are going to stick around for a while to make sure everything's copasetic. It's cool if they crash on your couches? They won't stay too long. We promise. A few might stay indefinitely, but could you really blame them? You're more likely to remember them than we are. The next time we'll see them will be at some random intersection where they'll be all filthy and grizzly-looking, wearing tattered clothes, holding up a piece of dented cardboard with a poorly written pity message on it, begging for change. Don't get us wrong, Americans support our troops and all, just not literally. We stick signs in our front yards and slap bumper stickers on our gas-guzzling automobiles. Speaking of which, what are you going to do with all that oil? (Too soon?)

It's time for you to sink or swim. (You're probably not familiar with that idiom seeing as you don't really have water. Still, it could probably apply to quicksand. Hey, what's that like?) Make us proud. Or at least less ashamed.

Breaking up is hard to do. At least we'll always have pictures to remember each other by. Sorry again.

Let freedom ring.