DATELINE: Washington

Politics Sells?  You Betcha!

Nike announced today that US President George W. Bush and Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki have been signed to appear in a remake of Nike's famed "Shoes" ad.

The first ad, which will be directed by Steven Spielberg, will feature Mr. Bush, in a Nike warmup, deftly dodging and catching numerous Air Jordan shoes thrown at him as he walks along a Dallas street.  Mr. Maliki, who will be walking along with him, will deliver the ad's tagline at the end: "It's gotta be the shoes!"  Mr. Bush will then reveal that he's wearing the signature shoe of NBA star LeBron James. 

"The President believes that the time is right for him to begin the transition back to private life, despite the obvious adoration he has received both at home and abroad," said White House press secretary Dana Perino.  "The President clearly has the athletic ability to take on this new task, and he welcomes the opportunity to exploi...er...showcase the lighter side of his life as President while helping to sell an American product made by our well-compensated Indonesian friends."

"With the explosion of interest in politics, both here and around the world, we felt it was time to put new political faces on one of our famous commercials of yesteryear," chairman Phil Knight said in a statement announcing the deal.

"Since the President will be unemployed in a month, we also felt a patriotic obligation to do our part to hold down the unemployment rates," Knight added.

In a nod to the original commercial, which starred NBA legend Michael Jordan and director Spike Lee, Bush will deflect shoes from the Air Jordan I through XX models. 

Knight declined to comment on why the commercial would not feature any newer Air Jordan models.  Speculation centers around the question of whether Mr. Bush would struggle to count any higher than XX, thus causing the later Air models to be excluded for fear of confusion.

Mr. Maliki will don a pair of Spike Lee's signature black-rimmed glasses and a Knicks hat for the commercials.

Not to be outdone in the marketing wars, fast food giant McDonald's is also rumored to be working on a remake of its famous "Nothing But Net" ad.  Its principals, instead of being Jordan and fellow NBA legend Larry Bird, would be President-elect Barack Obama and former President Bill Clinton. 

A source close to the negotiations who spoke on the condition of anonymity said that a major sticking point in the negotiations is the choice of on-set snack food.  Mr. Obama is partial to arugula and chocolate-peanut protein bars, while Mr. Clinton is holding out for Chicken McNuggets and Big Macs. 

A key figure in the negotiations, identified by the source only as "Senate Candidate #5", has been unable to lead recent negotiations due to an unnamed complication.