PATTON OSWALT

Geoffrey Dunn, who is making a fifth career off of the Palin memoirs (?) put it this way:

But perhaps the most embarrassing gaffe so far is her mis-attributed quote to UCLA basketball legend John Wooden. As the epigram to Chapter Three, "Drill, Baby, Drill," Palin assigns the following remarks to the Hall of Fame hoops coach:

Our land is everything to us... I will tell you one of the things we remember on our land. We remember our grandfathers paid for it--with their lives.

Only the quote wasn't by John Wooden. It was written by a Native American activist named John Wooden Legs in an essay entitled "Back on the War Ponies," which appeared in a left-wing anthology, We Are the People: Voices from the Other Side of American History, edited by Nathaniel May, Clint Willis, and James W. Loewen.

Here's the full quote:

Our land is everything to us. It is the only place in the world where Cheyennes talk the Cheyenne language to each other. It is the only place where Cheyennes remember the same things together. I will tell you one of the things we remember on our land. We remember our grandfathers paid for it--with their life. My people and the Sioux defeated General Custer at the Little Big Horn.   http://www.huffingtonpost.com/geoffrey-dunn/palins-latest-emrogueem-g_b_373453.html

This is nothing new of course, as far as the repubs getting their damn facts wrong. I mean Boner cannot even tell the difference between the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution. http://videocafe.crooksandliars.com/scarce/boehner-pulls-boner

So I have decided what the hell? Let us all throw caution to the wind. I mean it does save time on editing for chrissakes (blesses himself):

Who could forget those immortal words of Thomas Jefferson who once remarked upon seeing the actual terms for the Louisiana Purchase:

DYNOMITE!!!

Or those famous words from James Madison:

The road to Easy Street goes through the sewer.
(http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/j/john_madden.html)

And who does not recall these great words from James Monroe:

A career is wonderful, but you can't curl up with it on a cold night.

(http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/m/marilyn_monroe.html)

Woodrow Wilson, once discussing his own illness blurted out this line:

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun. (http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Wilson,_Flip)

And as Barak Obama once put it:

Bush the father did well in placing his sons as governors and did not forget to pass on the expertise in fraud from the leaders of the region to Florida to use it in critical moments.
(http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/o/osama_bin_laden.html)

Williams Jennings Bryant once said:

I always felt that my greatest asset was not my physical ability, it was my mental ability."          (http://thinkexist.com/quotes/bruce_jenner/)

President Clinton put it so succinctly:

The sinner will not confess, nor will the priest receive his confession, if the veil of secrecy is removed.
(http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/d/dewitt_clinton.html_

Or as Hubert Humphrey once put it at the Democratic National Convention in 1968:

I'm the new fool in town
and my sound's laid down by the Underground.
I drink up all the Hennessey ya got on ya shelf
so just let me introduce myself

(http://www.lyricsdownload.com/digital-underground-the-humpty-dance-lyrics.html)

And I shall always cherish the words of Speaker Gingrich:

To The unwashed public, Joan Collins is a star. But those who know her, she's a commodity who would sell her own bowel movement.

(http://thinkexist.com/quotation/to-the-unwashed-public-joan-collins-is-a-star-but/368101.html)

White House Press Secretary,Robert Gibbs,  attempting to quell rumors of a new war

in Iran put it this way:

Listen to the ground: there is movement all around. There is something going down and I can feel it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUmJZ1kyYoU

Tiger Woods recently commented about his 'accident':
 
I'm not saying I didn't enjoy myself, but I didn't.
 (http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Woody_Allen)
 

George Harrison will always be remembered for this 
famous comment:

Geeeeez, isn't it kind of chilly for March? 
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Henry_Harrison)
 

Vladimir Lenin put it best when he reported:

 Hey, you got to hide your love away.     (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNMhPQoEbJE)

General Patton once said to a group of his men in Berlin:

 A 40 year old man is walking in the middle of the deep dark forest with a ten year old boy when the boy piped up: Boy, this is scary.

 The man responded: You think this is bad. I have to find my way out of this mysterious forest all by myself!!!

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patton_Oswalt)

 Charlie Sheen once put it even more graphically when he said:

 Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

(http://bethsysthoughts.blogspot.com/2009/08/bishop-sheen-quotes.html)

 Mareen Dowd once said:

• Well, I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it.  (http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Harvey)

Sarah Palin herself, for godsakes,  will always be remembered for this line:

 Pressure is something you feel when you don't know what the hell you're doing.
(http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/p/peyton_manning.html)

So come on, join in the fun folks. Let us have the best misquotes of all time right here at our CAFÉ!!!

What do ya say?