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CAFE'S LIBERTINE RELEASED FROM FEDERAL HOLDING TANK


http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/78/Bong_glas.jpg


The following was discovered at HuffPo this Morning:


The officials spoke on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to discuss the legal guidance before it is issued. "This is a major step forward," said Bruce Mirken, communications director for the Marijuana Policy Project. "This change in policy moves the federal government dramatically toward respecting scientific and practical reality."

At the same time, the officials said, the government will still prosecute those who use medical marijuana as a cover for other illegal activity. The memo particularly warns that some suspects may hide old-fashioned drug dealing or other crimes behind a medical marijuana business. In particular, the memo urges prosecutors to pursue marijuana cases which involve violence, the illegal use of firearms, selling pot to minors, money laundering or other crimes.

Medical marijuana advocates have been anxious to see exactly how the administration would implement candidate Barack Obama's repeated promises to change the policy in situations in which state laws allow the use of medical marijuana. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/19/new-medical-marijuana-pol_n_325426.html


THIS JUST IN FROM OUR ACTION NEWS TEAM:

 

A middle aged man who goes by the name "Libertine" was released on his own recognizance from a Federal holding cell last night without charges being filed. A spokesman for the Federal Narcotics Bureau released this memo to the local press:

On Friday Libertine a/k/a (blacked out) was detained after Federal Narcotic Officers confiscated what they described as the single largest example of drug paraphernalia they had ever seen. The Bong, with a height between six and seven feet was discovered in the suspect's back yard next to a giant bird feeder. Officers postulated that the giant glass object had been used as means of extracting the chemical THC out of anything from the crudest hemp to the highest grade 'hash' in the five state area.

Libertine has hardly been the most forthright with regard to the custody of this giant Bong. First he informed officers that he was simply processing catnip for his cats as well as other feline owners in the area. Then he stated that he was simply processing seeds into food for birds during the winter that demonstrated avian digestive disorders.

After consulting with his 'legal advisor'( a known fan and follower of not only the Grateful Dead as well as Cheech & Chongo), "Jollyroger a/k/a (Blacked out) maintained that libertine was administering care to patients experiencing medical issues.


This matter is still under investigation.

 

Our News Bureau has followed up on this memo with some in-person interviews involving the suspect as well as others referred to in this governmental press release.

Libertine, who still attempts to maintain some sort of anonymity, invited Francis Tumor from our Action News Team into his double bungalow after promises were made that neither his name nor his address would be disclosed.

Man, this is just another example of the Oligarchy attempting to confiscate my rights as an American Citizen.

After nodding off for five or ten minutes, Libertine continued:

We need some real health care reform in this country, man. And I provide services that are not available 'out there' (Mr. Libertine likes to use imaginary quote marks with his fingers. He told Ms. Tumor that he learned how to do this from some old guy with white hair whom he saw on tv a lot last year).

I procured...(here Mr. Libertine broke out in uncontrollable laughter and kept saying 'procured, I like that word man' over and over again) a professional degree from ITT Close Cover Before Striking University  last year, man. I have applied for an LPN license from the state. In the meantime, I just help out friends and acquaintances. I really like that word 'acquaintances', man.

During the interview a man who goes by the alias 'Jollyroger' dropped by.

Hey Man, heard about the Bong man. What a bummer...Jollyroger remarked after he stumbled through the door.

Ms. Rumor, this is my legal counselor Jollyroger, man. Hey, how ya doin. Cable news here. Aint that something man?

That's Tumor, Ms. Tumor Libertine.

But may I ask Jollyroger, are you in fact an attorney?

I am an official paralegal. Hahahahaha That always sounds like I float in the air on a kite, doesn't it, I mean with briefs and stuff. Hahahahaahah No, I am just learned in the legalities of things as they say. Hahahahahaha

I have advised Libertine here (I just love that word advised...hahahahaha) that medical concerns outweight minor drug use laws. I mean, hey man, if a guy has laryngitis or arthritis he should be able to get a little relief. And how best to spell relief than B-O-N-G!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH

As the interview continued a man calling himself JEP fell in. That is, the door suddenly opened and a man carrying a guitar actually fell in onto the floor. After getting back up the man said:

Hey Libertine and Jollyroger, I wrote a new song in honor of you two. Hahahaha Want me to play it?

Hey man yeah man said Libertine. By this time Jollyroger was in a corner chair half asleep. Jolly suddenly sat up and said: Sure man.

Rearranging his guitar after he discovered it was upside down, JEP began his song:


I was fine but she was sick

We sat on porches made of bricks

She was sad and I was down

I decided to play the clown

 

Bong, bong, she lost her frown

Bong, bong, it helped her along

Bong, Bong, she sucked it down

Bong, bong, THC could not do wrong.

 

Weeds are weeds like sage and thyme

We use them to perk up the sublime

But Mary Jane can make us smile

And suppress our pain for a little while
 

Bong, bong, we lost our frown

Bong, bong, it made this song

Bong, Bong, we smoked it down

Bong, bong, THC could not do wrong.


Music played, and people sang
Just for me, the church bells rang.

Now she's fine, and don't feel sick
And I don't feel like such a dick
We do not need to know the whys
And she no longer wants to die.

 

Bong, bong, we lost our frowns

Bong, bong, it made this song

Bong, Bong, we smoked it down

Bong, bong, THC could not be wrong.



We will report more updates on this story as soon as Ms. Tumor returns from a three day leave. As the top member of our Action News Team, Ms. Tumor has decided to stay with the suspect and his cronies in order to best provide a more in depth examination of this 'situation'.


94 Comments

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Hilarious!

(gasp - cough)

Duuuuuuude!

Great, man...

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Hey dude. Grouch I just went over that journalist's log. I will write you later but it was more than just enlightening.

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Hey, man...far out post, dude.

I highly recommend it. Hahahaha. I just love saying highly recommend, dude.

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Hey birthday girl. I read the thing at huffpo and I could only think of two guys. hahahaha So I flipped a coin.

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Hehehe...I am innocent I tell ya, innocent!!!

How can some one be arrested like that enjoying Mother Nature??!! I will continue my efforts to show that by legalizing marijuana that not only will society benefit generally speaking (medically and more thought being placed on the under appreciated topic of deep space phenomenom) it would generate enough money to pay for single payer health care for all...and of course to get high!!!

My thanks to Jollyroger and Ms. Francis Tumor Esq for their continued support and legal help.

And also I will...ummmmmm...errrr...hmmmmm, never mind I forgot what I was going to say.

Hey my watch says it is 4:20. Now what that means? Ummmmm...ok my watch is broken and I set it to 4:20 as a goof but what does that matter it means time to give the 10 footer they didn't find a workout. Who has a lighter? Maybe Chong does...

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Oh Good. I just took a short nap and had a nightmare that you might be offended. hahahaahaha

I read the article on medical maryjane and thought of you and Jolly. So I tossed a coin. hahahaahaha

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Synchronicity of a sort...I just left you note on your other blog. I had a dream about YOU a bit ago... about lawn jockeys! God, I love that term, snicker, snort, snicker...

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Offended? Me? Nawwww...


Honored that you did one of these about me...

and

LMFAO!!!! *_*


Outstanding as usual dd!!!!

8-)

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Look, dd, as long as "Libertine" has not alerted the media, following the "lift-off" of this contraption, with a claim of birds inside along with a kid, what's the problem here? Now if a kid were to be tricked into lying about it.... then you'd have a story! Then again, who would believe it?

All hail dd, Bard of TPM Cafe!

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Hi TheraP. Libertine and Jolly can be so damn funny sometimes. hahahaha

This was so fun today and as they say, its getting funner.

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I'm working my way through a list of "things to do" - and this was just a break. But yes, fun! :-)

Peace and love to all.

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All I can say is a brief, or maybe sloooowww, musical interlude. Lude! Lude! Get it, dude?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EvGJvzwKqg0

(a must-listen, she commanded.)

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Wendy I have not heard this song in a long time. And the pix are just GREAT!!!

THANK YOU

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Oh! Nice first picture Dick!
I had a bong just like that when I was in college... well it was much dirtier, then there was the summer I worked in a lab in a mine in Arizona and I built many a bong out of lab equipment, that was fun, I am pretty sure I helped smoke all of Colombia!
Okay I am going to finish your blog now. But that picture brought back so many foggy memories!!! :D

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Such silliness really, and how many tens of thousands are locked away in jail cells for this? And I thought it was a good sign that the New Administration is stressing priorities here.

I am laughing as I picture Mac tending to her bong factory. hahahaha

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Me and Tommy Chong!

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Honestly, I think the numbers are more in the hundreds of thousands and mostly black and/or latino. Almost all of them poor. It's a national tragedy, not to mention a disgrace.

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So true oleeb, so true.

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I was going to comment, but it's time to fire one up.

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hahahaha. do me a dooooooooobie

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Three days??? I'm guessing they found Ms. Tumor to be a "probative" reporter, eh?

Sex. Drugs. Rock 'n Roll. Better life through chemistry! I like it!

And I really like the blog, dday. Really a good laugh. Thanks!

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Thank you Sleepin. The old lines are still drawn, are they not?

The free thinkers and the establishment.

It is just that the establishment seems to win most of the time.

Thank the good lord we still have some freedom of association. hahahaha

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"Waiter! An order of sex, drugs and rock n roll for the Man in the Hat at Table 7; and make it snappy!"

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So... bioluminescence of another sort, eh?

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gn4Kfvxczs0

Nothing like Debbie in the late afternoon.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ozk7fnKilU
at 2:11

It's why I qui. Just never know what your smoking.
at 3:44 funny

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This is great.hhahaah. I have it on another tab and I am listening to it right now.

Thank you

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Dave's not here.

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Oh I used to take the 4:20 ferry home every single day. One day we were running late in a meeting and I said look I have to go, (I had my helmet on and my nice motorcycle jacket (yes bright pink) I said I have to make the 4:20 ferry and we are pushing it here. Everyone in the meeting looked at me and said, "Is that what the ferry is called"? "Huh", I replied not thinking, I needed to pull on my chaps. "Is that what the ferry is called", they said rather surprised. I looked up and it finally hit me... "oh 4:20" I said and laughed out loud. "You are no longer allowed to light one up on the ferries, smoking of all kinds was banned in the 90's sometime, and no, the name of the ferry is the Tillikum, but it leaves for Southworth at 4:20 my genius friends". With that I was out the door of that meeting, hopped onto my awesome Vespa and flew down 99 to the West Seattle Bridge, made every light on Fauntleroy. Yes I made my boat, last one on, they saw me coming down the dock and waited, because if you've ridden the ferries for 20 years, they get to know you and almost always wait if they can. Thanks WSF!

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Little Feat:
http://www.imeem.com/elfyie/music/k_mCEpX9/little-feat-dont-bogart-that-joint/
Yes this is just for this blog...
I love Little Feat.

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No Bogarting here my dear. hahahaha.

Besides, I really am a tobaccy kind of guy and I think I am more hated for that than any bongers. ha

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One of the best bands this country's ever produced. And "Willin'" is the best truck-driving song ever - even more so than "Six Days on the Road"!

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Yes I've packed my I-Pod full of Little Feat!

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Just saw Little Feat and Hot Tuna in August...great bands and show.

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Did they perform like Johnny Cash... in the state pen... LOL, just kidding. I love them, one of the best bands ever. Just saw Steely Dan at the Paramount! Fantastic show with me as one of the youngest there!! And I am 47!

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HAHAHA...no "jailhouse rock". They played all of their classics as did Jorma Kaukonen and Jack Casady from Hot Tuna. Hell Jorma and Jack both originally played for, and going as far back as the mid 1960's, the Jefferson Airplane...and they are still going.

Ahhhh...you saw The Dan? They're a band at the top of my "I haven't seen them but have to the next time they are near" list. I've been listening to, and loving, their music since the 70's. Good show I hope?

LOL...actually most of the shows I have been going to lately I am getting the "what is the old dude doing here?" looks. A Steely Dan show would probably put me near the average age. :-P

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Hehehe...and I missed it at first. I found another person, like me, who graduated high school as part of the Class of 1980. HAHAHA...I can't believe next year will be 30 years!!! We're still young enough but...YIKES!!!

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I know!!!! But seriously my kids are getting older, but I refuse.

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I've seen Steely Dan 3 times! :)

They'll be in Cincinnati again in November but I'll be out of town and will miss them :(

Probably my favorite band. (Hard to say that, really, since there are some REALLY good bands out there.... but you know....)

I entered an Online Contest on their website once upon a time... and I was one of the "Winners".

I got an autographed "Countdown To Extacy" CD! :) :) :)

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They are my favorite band too!

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Whatever happened to Papa John Creech?.... And to Sugarcane Harris for that matter? Hot Tuna is one of my favorite live shows EVER! (circa 1970?)

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Lowell George (RIP) kicked ass!

I suspect he'd like this thread. ;)

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Yes he would love this thread, as do I for some strange reason :o

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I know these folks and I am but a boy... just now 39 years old... I was raised by a pack of hippies... and my own father was (IS) the music authority among them :)
There was Blues put in my bottle when I was a baby, I'm sure.
I was always provided with intelligent and well written music as I was growing up... Then I had a pretty strong desire to study it (independently) for about a decade... :) Yay music!

Here's a link to one of my old mans tunes :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THChqOdkxTw

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Here is a video to enjoy on this thread. Made by a friend of mine, Ivar from Amsterdam, I bring you his video interpretation for Monster Magnet's...Nod Scene (The Resin Scrapers)

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Heavy dude. Heavy....

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Yeah, Monster Magnet is definitely heavy dd, very heavy...currently they are my favorite band.

One more from Ivar...Superjudge

And one I made...Ozium

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D-Day, is it better to have money in times of no dope, or to have dope in times of no money?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-9iNVoeghI&feature=related

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goddamn, i said goddamn the pusherman. I was in college and visited an old high school friend as his swanky apartment. He had pills all over the place but he used to sleep with his eyes open in hs. hahhaha.

Anyway these two guys come to his door and they looked like they were right out of pulp fiction and I start singin, goddamn, goddamn the pusherman.

My buddy ushered them out before they came after me. hahahahaha

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I believe that question was answered long ago in high times magazine... pot = money but money doesn't necessarily = pot! What was that cartoon in high times anyway? It was hilarious.

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Whew! What a relief Libertine was released! I was just getting ready to send him a cake with a fattie...er a file in it. Yeah. File. That's it.

;o)

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a fattie or a file?

WE HAVE LAWS IN THIS COUNTRY, WE HAVE IN LAWS AND OUT LAWS.

WHICH SIDE ARE YOU ON FLOWER? HAHAHAHAH

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I always use my powers on the side of good, Mr. Day. Never for evil. ;o)

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(cough) (cough, hack, cough)

That thing is bigger than me!

I am Libertines new best friend forevah

(THUNK)

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hahahah. He and Jolly always make me laugh.

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ACK!!! Hookah, hookah, hookah... *_*

More musica for this post (especially seeing it is hookah time), this time Hawkwind and their classic off the album "Hall of the Mountain Grill"...Psychedelic Warlords (Disappear In Smoke).

=D

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Do they even make 7 minute songs anymore?

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Not in this decade bwak...not that I am aware of at least. No more album oriented rock stations that would play long/deep cuts like there were back in the 70's.

The state of rock music scene is pretty depressing right now. If it doesn't meet "corporate guidelines" the corporate labels won't let stuff get recorded if they can't play it on their corporately owned radio stations. So we now get a steady musical diet of the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus. Hmmmmm...I'll pass. I'll just pop a Steely Dan, FrankZappa, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin or Yes cd in the player at that point...

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Don't forget the Dead! The 100% anti corporate rock and roll band from day one.

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LOL...The Dead oleeb? Most anti-establishment band which has ever existed. I love, and respected, what they stood for. Just never into their music that much. It wasn't that I disliked it, I would gladly listen to it if it was on, but I wouldn't go out of my way to listen to it either. I don't why but the music just didn't move me. But there will never be another like them, or Jerry.

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Did you ever see them in person? I felt the same way about them until I first saw them. Then, I was hooked. The Dead was truly an awesome experience.

Saw them many times over the years starting in 77. Best performance I ever saw them give was in the Meadowlands with Boib Dylan in the summer of 87 if memory serves me correctly. Absolutely beautiful day and superb concert all round.

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My apologies, of course I meant "Bob" Dylan.

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Oh, jeez, i should shut my trap, but I can't. I saw them several times, and the only times I really liked them was when Owsley was lacing all the apple juice floating around with his LSD. (not really a fair thing to do to unsuspecting concert-goers.)
I was backstage once and saw Garcia jamming with John Hammond, and oh my goodness. I think Garcia was their only true musician; their vocals were terrible outside the studio, though again, if Owsley ran sound, he could do a lot with his electronic gizmos to improve it.
One day my husband and I were outside digging trenches for a french drain, and the public radio station was doing a fund drive. They were on a mega-jag of Dead music, but no one was calling to pledge. The album they were playing was so awful, I came in the house, called, and offered them twenty bucks to play something else.
Feel free to kick my ever-lovin' hippie ass; but...there it is.

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You have an excellent point. When the Dead were totally fucked up and drugged out to the point of playing that bad they did suck. No doubt about it. But when I saw them at the Meadowlands they had broken free from the drug addictions at that point and were the sharpest I ever saw them. It was truly amazing. Adding Dylan to the mix made for an amazing experience. An added plus was that Dylan was still actually pronouncing lyrics and singing at that point and not just mumbling as he now does. I was lucky that I never saw them when they were so strung out that they just weren't really there as you describe though I've heard stories like yours from others and I've heard bootlegs that proved it. Remember, Touch Of Grey was their only number one record and it was released the summer of that concert. I think their sobriety at that point was no coincidence with their simultaneous commercial success.

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see below, see below (I love this fuckin interface) naturally i looked for it up here to see if it got through, and, not seeing, hit reload. Oh, sigh. This is the stupidest of all the off the shelf bulletin boards.

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The best I can do is find The Dead on Youtube. I had not idea they played with Dylan and I had no idea they played Dylan. They may have been primarily an 'in-person' experience, but it sure is fun to play them on my pc once in awhile.

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Don't know how I forgoet to mention (on this thread particularly)the incomparable Bob Marley! Always loved his music, but seeing him in concert was such a fantastic experience! Harvard Stadium in Campbridge. Summer of 1978 as I recall. A benefit for Joshua Nkomo's revolutionary party in Zimbabwe. Nkomo's side lost of course to Mugabe. But on that day, the stadium was filled with people, rebel music, and revolution.

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I'm with you on this one, Libertine.

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Hum, actually, this one. The album version kicks ass, but the label won't let youtube post it. Bastards. They performed a shortened version on Letterman... I figure you'll at least like the name of the band. Yes, there are lyrics, about halfway in.

=D

As for Album Oriented Rock, this is an awesome effort by the Decemberists. LisB and I saw them preform this at Radio City recently. They so rawk, I canna tell you. They were an indie until last year or so. They helped out Obama on one memorable afternoon in Portland.

Excellent..... Welcome to the 21st Century

Just sayin'


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Good stuff bwak. Thanks for the links. That 'none this decade' quip was more hyperbole then a statement of truth, lol. But I had never heard of death Cab for Cutie thanks for the link on them. Very good stuff...me likey. I am in a mood for, for the last 3-4 years actually, heavier music right now so I know I am missing out on some really good Alternative Rock bands. But I listen to stuff as "light" as Simon and Garfunkel, Bob Dylan, Boz Scaggs and Chicago. I'll listen to almost anything as long as it rocks even a little. But the city of Seattle has produced some great bands for the last 20 years, hasn't it? Fan of the Stone Roses by any chance?

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Stone Roses. Adored 'em. Gods who walked the Earth.

Try this. "The Duke Spirit." Post Stone Roses, plus... looks like Gracie.

And this.... Top of my head achieves orbit around 2:39.

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Hmmmmmmm, now you have me wondering what you mean by "heavier music."

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Soundgarden!!! Holy Crap! What a band!

Stone Roses were ok... but way too predictable and repetitive IMHO.

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I suppose this post begs the question DD, what have you been smoking? :)

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Hi Oleeb. No I am a tobacco man. Never liked mj, did nothing for me. Now a beer and a bump and a ciggie. or a cup of coffee, good coffee and a ciggie.

pure heaven. hahahahahaha

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DD

Ahhh, things that go bump in the night....

M. Paul

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bump bump. hahha

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his cronies

At last. a promotion from "toady"...Do cronies get fancy uniforms?

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Hi Jolly, I was not sure you were going to make it. hahahaaha. I flipped a coin between you and Libertine. hahhaha

Does not look like I offended you none.

hahaaha

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Let's all hope so! Then you can get something other than that black gown with lace decolletage...
Please describe your Dream Uni, jollyroger. Hot pants and ? Leather boy?

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Leather boy?

EEeew.

No, I suppose from the sober distance of five years or so, looking back on my last venture into "fancy garb", I entertained two possible lines of garments.

One, "Skimpy Skirtz and Tiny Topz"(tm-the funny spelling lets you trademark...). '"wear'em while you can girls, mean ol *Mr Gravity knows your home address" a line of stripper style outfits for "citizen chicks"

and

my pet hobby, undergarments for ladies made of silver chain (I still have several hundred yards of very fine chain, somewhere...)...Anyway, based on that, I guess my idea of fancy outfits involves chain mail, or variations thereupon.

*(based on the Purple Pieman and Mr. Tooth Decay--do I date myself?)

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Are we certain that there's not a little boy trapped in the bong??!!

The poor little Bong Boy! He may have been in there when Libertine lit it up!


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Hi Dorn.

NO LITTLE CHILDREN WERE HARMED DURING THE CREATION OF THIS POST.

HAHAHAHA

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As far as music to toke by, the Wall is without compare....I spent many long nights with the lights off in my room just listening to that album.
This scares me, and, oooh, ahhh, this helps me achieve liftoff.

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I'm sure you meant to type Dark Side there, but I knew what you meant.

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of course....oye. I was mixing my epics there.

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Do y'all remeber the King, King Crimson, holding Court?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzUc_IJgKbw

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That is kind of interesting. Just a tinge of Moody Blues in there I should think.

Don't recall them Gregor. Thank you!!!

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It's all out cloistered, intellectual, hippie music, DD. There stuff sounds like a jam session for stoners, but this guy Fripp actually wrote it and Adrian Belew is his 2nde guitar. They are both maestroes of the electric guitar.

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Should've seen the bull when he funked the cow!

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Garcia was their only true musician

I am able to report that I have made real progress in the last five years or so, and now I can get almost five or six bars into Jerry playing before it happens, unless he says "take me to the leader of the band" in which case it happens immediately, but anyway, there is a real chance that in another ten or twenty years I will get through a whole song before the uncontrollable crying thing.

I hate heroin

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Garcia was their only true musician

I am able to report that I have made real progress in the last five years or so, and now I can get almost five or six bars into Jerry playing before it happens, unless he says "take me to the leader of the band" in which case it happens immediately, but anyway, there is a real chance that in another ten or twenty years I will get through a whole song before the uncontrollable crying thing.

I hate heroin

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official paralegal

I have several impressively calligraphied pieces of genuine virgin vinyl simulated parchment, bearing the signature of Kirby J. Hensley, which entitle me to perform a variety of social, legal, medical, spiritual and forensic duties, including, but not limited to, the drafting of wills, giving of last rites, empowering fetishes, cursing enemies, making rain-- also baptism, burial, cremation, resurrection (not in that order...) coronation, and circumcision.

What can I do for you?

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  • Location Virginia, MN
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