Ten years ago I funded a battered women's shelter in every particular, plus a warehouse to stockpile household goods and clothing that women under immediate duress might need and could "shop" ....so that they could have the dignity of choosing, selecting what would work for them, in the moment, to move on.
Today, post-hurricane, post-realtor malfeasance, post-husband #2, the horrid truth is that I am jobless and homeless... though outrageously proud.
I will not connect with the temporary help I need if I am not willing or emotionally able to accept help such as that I gave.
It's a choice -- which seems more cruel than it did when I was the donor. You figure.

DD - a beautiful post from a beautiful person.

I don't know, wendy. In all the charitable projects I have been involved in, there were some outright scammers. But the bulk of them were embarassed to be needing help, but just sucked it up and took the small blessings.
Jeez, louise, woman, we have all done our parts and paid our taxes, and gotten shafted by laissez faire capitalistic trickery. I know your feelings--now that I have needed help, most of my friends have disappeared. One called me a "greedy giver" in the past, which floored me, flattened me. The implication being, I guess, that I had a need to be neccessary. At a certain point in my life, I was forced to look at the possibility that I was allowing people to take advantage of me, and start distancing myself from people who could suck me dry. I did; and re-adjusted so I could regain some health. I had to learn that I was just fine as I was, as the British say, just sitting on a shelf. I didn't have to prove that I was a good person; I was good enough just BEING.
All that said, there was one point of down-and-outness in our lives when I called county welfare to see if we could get some help. Nope, not since we owned the little house we built. But I swear to God, I would have taken the welfare or the goddam food stamps.
You will really piss us off if you don't take some aid. You are wonderful, and generous, and smart; and we want you to thrive. You could come live in Dipstick County, Colorado with me and by sublimely wonderful husband in our hand-made house. We have stocked supplies for the duration of The Bad Times.
It's not noble to suffer in the end if it's not absolutely neccessary. And if you want to come here, you let me know, and we'll get you here somehow. We ain't got a lot, but we can share what we have. Oh yes--like you ALWAYS HAVE SHARED EVERYTHING!

Wendy, I've been there and done that, too. Slept in a tent for a month with no money, and no place else to go. I counted myself lucky to have a tent.

You may have friends where you are who you can turn to. You certainly have many friends here who want to help you. A wise friend of mine taught me this saying: "I accept all good gifts."

Learn it as one more expression of love for the whole of humankind, the great humanity in which you must now allow yourself inclusion.

The going statistic for over 10 years was that most of the population was 3 paychecks away from the street. I strongly suspect that is still true, and may be even fewer paychecks since many folks have moved to the part time economy and are already over the edge. The moral being that most of us could find ourselves on the street.

This is a real personal issue - and not just faceless statistics. I've been there. Sounds like some of us have been there, and that at least one of us is newly there. Yeah, real personal.

The issue of homelessness and panhandlers comes up regularly in my classes and it generally requires a tight rein on my temper to maintain a calm discussion. The myths and shaming are high. Of course it is, as that has been the cultural meme for my entire life. The people on the streets are morally bankrupt. They don't need to panhandle. They're a bunch of kooks or crooks or drug addicts. It's their own damn fault. Don't give them money - they'll just buy booze or drugs. Blah blah blah.

It all makes me SO angry. We have houses empty all over the place, and the banker moguls are selling them in blocks to "investors" while the people who lived in those homes stand stunned outside the door. Renters lose their housing. People losing their jobs - 3 paychecks and out - while the ones who got us into this mess get platinum parachutes and bonuses that are multiple times the median wage in the country.

Where's the problem? Well it sure as H E double toothpicks ISN'T WITH THE ONES WHO ARE NO LONGER HOUSED.

I'm not a paycheck away, and I'm still pissed at the golden parachutes, and ANY who say, "I've got mine, too bad for you"...When did this happen? When did we stop caring about our fellow man?

I'm so very sad....and yes, I'm extremely pissed off.

Thanks for this post DD. It fits in well with Barbara Ehrenreich's NYT Op-Ed about the criminalization of poverty. It's not surprising people are 1 - 2 paychecks away from financial devastation. The maximum unemployment benefit from NYS is $430 per week. I'm a single girl who was lucky to have had enough warning to be able to save up reserves in advance of my layoff. How does someone live on $1700 a month with a family in NYC? That doesn't even pay most people's rent. More nouveau homeless are being created every day, not to mention the chronically homeless, and the budgets of non-profits ad city agencies are being cut just when they are needed most.

The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of being unwanted. - Mother Teresa

Thank you DD for a great post...

A while back some of us TPMers put bit of change together in order to help one of our own so that we could benefit from the enormous gift he has to offer on a, pardon the expression, daily basis.

Should not we now consider instituting an on going collection- and distribution - of our small change in order to begin to effect Real Change? We could think of it as ordering change.

To all of you who responded to me personally -- and so generously -- within this thread, THANK YOU.
I'm overwhelmed by your empathy and by your kind offers of shelter; I hope that, one day, I may take you up on them, to visit, to get to know the people in real life I've grown to love and respect here, at TPM.
I am also grateful for your words of wisdom. You've given me a lot to think about -- some of your comments addressed the root of the problem I tend to avoid, which has every bit as much to do with poor decisions I've made as it has to do with the actions of others.
I do, however, owe each and every one of you an apology. Because I see this morning that last night I described my immediate circumstances in more melodramatic terms than actually pertain, at the moment.
Yes, I am without a job. And yes, because faculty housing was part of my salary, I am also currently without a permanent address.
But, as DD suggests, I am not without any resources, if I can only bring myself to ask for or accept the temporary help, not of strangers but of those I know well. For example, I have close family, extended family and long-term friends and some of them actually owe me money. (There's humor there, really.... both of my husbands have offered me a place to live until I get re-established, in lieu of repayment.) And my son has offered me his rental apartment -- although for him to give up the income from it right now would be a worry he does not need.
My point is this: although it is technically true that right now I am jobless and "homeless" I do have options -- more than one -- and, even though I may not like them, that puts me in a far better situation than many, many other people are facing now and will face in the future.
So that by writing what I wrote last night, I do see that I have lost perspective and balance.
I'm truly sorry that I imposed my worries here. TPM's purpose as a venue is not, after all, to resolve individual problems, but to discuss national problems that affect everyone.
I have been acting for some time as if TPM is actually a cafe, where one can sit over coffee and discuss personal matters with friends.
I apologize to all of you for that. As I thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your personal responses, for which I will always be grateful.
I think I need to take a TPM time out for a while, to pull myself together so that I can become productively focused. I'll miss you....but not for long, because there are too many people here with insight, wisdom and wit to stay away. It's the world's best continuing education class; every day at TPM I learn something I did not know before. Today is no exception.
So -- please keep the CEOs and the politicos on their toes.
And, with great affection -- ciao. For now.

Your apology is so unneccessary, wendy. There have been plenty of Cafe-ers with stories to tell lately. During hard times, stories may be the most important thing not to get lost. Any child can tell you that. Narrative clarifies feelings, and can help decide actions. Remember the heisenberg uncertainty priciple? That just the act of observation changes a phenomenon. In a way, that is what happened here: you put out some causes, which had effects; those effects had other effects on observers, you got to see how it played out in a little community--TPM. (clumsily written, but i hope you get my drift.) And now you are adjusting to the changed narrative! I think it is astounding and wonderful! You are a trip, woman!
Still, many folks want to help; it's for ourselves as much as you. Do let us. TPM gary says on the other thread that the receiver has to acquiesce to help, and he's right of course. So can you, and jettison your images of groveling?

Thanks for reminding us of the reality of living on the street, having no material wealth, and no back up resources on which to fall back when things get tough. When I see the homeless , I invariably give them something, often reflecting that but for luck and grace, there go I. I read Wendy Davis' blog yesterday on the people in her corner of Colorado who equate land rights like a preferred stock regarding rights in the US. That attitude is the antithesis of what the homeless must feel as they walk by the homes on city streets or rural highways alike, always on the outside looking in, without any of the advantages those of us with some economic wherewithal enjoy It seems particularly cruel that these landed gentry would happily exclude the homeless from ever attaining the rights that they enjoy based on their poverty. But that is precisely what we do with the poor. They are immediately suspect, and the fine for vagrancy or the multitude of other charges they may face only compound the problem of their poverty, and make it less likely they will ever escape the monster that hounds them. This all reminds me of tpmgary's excellent post the other day about the aliens landing and asking us to show them what we've got, to demonstrate to them how far we've come as a species and a culture. Until the richest country on the planet starts providing basic services, such as food, clothing, and shelter for the needy among us, the answer to that question will continue to be: 'Not much".

Without a doubt, this is the most amazing and moving post and conversation I have experienced here. Thank you, DD, and all Cafe regulars for opening my heart today.

Wendy - when I was younger, a girl friend gave me a powerful lesson. Noting my discomfort in receiving a beautiful hand-made garment, she said, "It's a shame you don't know how to recieive a gift". Sometimes we forget that a gift benefits both people. We shouldn't deprive the giver.

Thank you all, again. If something materializes from this thread, it would be a joy and an honor to participate.