I Came, I Saw, I Floundered
In a mansion erected on one of the Seven Hills, a meeting takes place between Julio and his mother concerning this new threat from Sulla.
Mumsy, it appears I must take my leave ASAP but I shall return once the heat is off, so to speak.
Julio, I am much concerned for the heir apparent of the Julian Clan and the Caesar Clan. This Sulla is a dangerous man. He calls himself 'The Decider'. And I thought Marius was bad. I never really understood these civil wars. Sulla was one of Mario's greatest generals.
Wars, civil and otherwise, will always be with us Mumsy. I
shall be a great war leader in a few years and I will make allegiances with
those that help my future. The problem has been with the plebs. Both Sulla and
Mario ignored the plight of the people, the masses. Those who toil from day break to sun down.
Those people are the foundation of
I pray for the days of the Brothers Gracchi , Tiberius and Gaius, aka John and Bobby. They had a dream for a better nation, a nation that did not just reward those in power and those licking the boots of the powerful. Land reform. Pensions for those who worked for them. The end of oligarchy.
Bread and circuses, internet for all, that is what I say. Ha.
Mumsy, if you thought Marius was so bad, why the marriage arrangement tying our familia to Marius through my sister? Oh well, I was able to go to war for the first time and met with POWER for the first time. A lot of first times Mumsy.
Julio, I have packed your things and here are some coins and letters of credit to help you on your way. Hands him the purse. I think that you are wise to take a smaller retinue for this journey. Who exactly is accompanying you on your quest?
I am taking my friend Alejandro and Fracus and, of course, BC.
Mumsy. I am what I am, and that is all that I am.
Caesar takes his leave of his mother, and retreats to the back gardens where his horses and supplies and retinue await.
BC, you did clean up. Did you bring those soft sponges from the Spanish coast this time.
Yes Master.
Good. Fracus, watch your posture this trip will you. People are starting to think I have drunken sailors for servants.
Julio, why the neat threads? You dress me in the finest white robes and yet you dress down in the meekest of togas? Alejandro inquired.
Appearances are everything answered Caesar. And with that, our team proceed west with determination. Caesar was always on the alert, but lived without fear. Fear is for the plebs and those patricians who think they have earned what they have stolen. Ha And his retinue always felt safe with their Caesar. After all, if you are not safe with Caesar, you will never feel safe at all.
After an hour or so on the road, Fracus took out his lyre:
Well Marius and Sulla
Used to be friends
And fought for the entire nation
When Sulla locked horns with his old boss
Out of total and complete frustration
Well Mario looked down
Put soldiers on the ground
And Sulla was none too frightened
Mario 's cause was lost
And ran in complete desperation
It was against
It was against
What Sulla saw
Mario broke the law
So we're on our way
We don't know where we're goin
We're on our way
From Sulla's great big army
We don't know where, but
Goodbye
Singin me and Julio
Down to the dockyards
Singin me and Julio
Down to the dockyards.
Well there are thieves on these roads
And pirates in the harbors
And Sulla's soldiers lookin all over
The best we can do
Is move like the wind
And seek hostels for our cover
Our Julio has rewards put
On his head put there all by Sulla
With many comin with some determination
But others know the good
Of finding this brood
On the road to their own salvation
It's against the law
That's what Sulla saw
Caesar's actin criminal and its
Against the law
So we're on our way
We don't know where we're goin
We're on our way
From Sulla's great big army
We don't know where, but
Goodbye
Singin me and Julio
Down to the dockyards
Singin me and Julio
Down to the dockyards.
Fine Fracus, remarked the Caesar. Just what we need on this bright, bright sunny day. You know I could make a song out of that. HA!!!
Our team, by sunset met their first hostel.
Meanwhile a few miles out to sea from the western harbor on an island frequented by senators and criminals we come upon a cabal of pirates.
Doofus and Roofus approach their captain. Master, Sulla's legates have met with us and notified us that that Caesar boy is on the run. We are to stay on the look out for him. Once captured we are not to harm a hair on his head. And we will be paid handsomely.
Arghhhhh. I'm not so pleased to be doin the bidding of such a pig as Sulla. Everything I got, I earned the pirate way. I stole it fair and square, I say, and it is mine to do with as I please. And what I seek to seek, I shall seek without any interference from govments. After all, govments are fleeting, but us pirates shall always be sailing the high seas as we have for centuries and will for centuries to come. Captain Rumsy had been in government for many years. He picked up his brogue after he was severely tortured by one of Sulla's fleets during the civil wars. Getting your throat slit can have a real effect upon your rhetoric, so to speak.
He watched as the senators became richer and richer off the
slave trade while his own fortune diminished. It was then that the idea of outsourcing
came to him. All Rumsy had to do was
take money from the public coffers in is capacity as auditor in the Mario
Administration. He and Cheynius fired government workers and contracted with 'sailing
enterprises' to supply wine and oil from
While on one of his 'missions', Rumsy witnessed a slaver arriving at the safe harbor and after some investigation, saw the captain of the slave ship walk away with a fortune. That was all it took.
Doofus, contact our spies at the harbor and get the word out.
I want this aristocrat boy and I want him now, declared Rumsy.
















Dickon, Dickon, Dickon...
Every time I think you've outdone yourself, you go and outdo yourself again. Pretty soon you'll be so out there we'll be sending Mulder and Scully to find you.
WELL DONE!!
April 29, 2009 1:01 PM | Reply | Permalink
PS: The Paul Simon song was a really nice touch.
April 29, 2009 1:01 PM | Reply | Permalink
Oh thanks LisB. I wrote the poem first, over the week end without a pc. I do not think Caesar is as interesting to the people here as Arthur.
I just could not decide. When I can't decide, I just do. I learned that here. ha
April 29, 2009 1:24 PM | Reply | Permalink
And we certainly benefit from your learnings, Dickon.
April 29, 2009 1:25 PM | Reply | Permalink
Ok, now we're back to getting the dd we expect! The guy who never disappoints and always surprises! The fellow who never quite finished a tale - but is always on the next one! Tales full of song and excitement, allusions to current politics and people at TPM as well.
You are amazing! Thanks once again!
April 29, 2009 1:44 PM | Reply | Permalink
Oh such sweet words from such a sweet wordsmith.
Things are not that bad today. A few fights. Not so bad.
Thank you TheraP for your support.
Oh and if you have time check out CT on his health care blog.
April 29, 2009 1:46 PM | Reply | Permalink
Looks like DD is back up to speed!
April 29, 2009 1:48 PM | Reply | Permalink
I still love that cartoon Astral. It looks like you have as much fun as me. HA!!1
April 29, 2009 4:52 PM | Reply | Permalink
Hey Astral, were any pets injured in the making of that film? HA!!!
April 30, 2009 6:29 AM | Reply | Permalink
I came, I saw, I enjoyed immensely!
A new adventure has begun ...
April 29, 2009 2:08 PM | Reply | Permalink
Hey Missy. I still have to work on some more Arthur.
Caesar and the Pirates had been on my mind for mor than four decades. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my drivel. I really appreciate it and I appreciate you.
April 29, 2009 4:54 PM | Reply | Permalink
I so love traveling with you in your Wayback Machine, Mr. Peabody....er, Mr. Day, I mean. :o)
April 29, 2009 3:03 PM | Reply | Permalink
I forgot all about Mr. Peabody, Flower. I always think of Fractured Fairy Tales. Rocky and Bullwinkle were the best.
April 29, 2009 4:50 PM | Reply | Permalink
Sherman!
April 30, 2009 12:59 AM | Reply | Permalink
You been gone, Dick? Why didn’t anybody say something? :)
Don’t forget Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale Don’t forget (my favrorites) Boris Badenov (no Czar but the Little Commie Caesar) and Natasha Fatale!
Yes, the way of the pirate. Skull and bones. Always good, Mr. Day.
April 30, 2009 3:07 AM | Reply | Permalink
Thank you Don. Sometimes I just take a plank or two from the repub convention and enter it word for word into my prose. hahahaah
April 30, 2009 5:37 AM | Reply | Permalink
I so look forward to your writings now that so many here have put me on to you - and how lucky i am. This was amazing and I found myself singing the words along with Paul, in my mind.....keep 'em coming friend.
April 29, 2009 3:08 PM | Reply | Permalink
Thank you Maggie. I really am elated that people really read my stuff.
April 29, 2009 5:01 PM | Reply | Permalink
Arthur...I'm tellin' ya my man, there has to be SOME way you can turn your talent into cold, hard cash...maybe we could just all pay a buck a pop for your posts on the honor system...you'd have all the smokes and beer you want! :-)
April 29, 2009 3:22 PM | Reply | Permalink
Stilli you have been SO KIND TO ME!!!! No kidding. If I had money, I would pay people a dollar to read me. HA
Again, thank you so much for your help and support.
I was on the phone for more than an hour with SeaShell. She 'got into' my computer from Florida.
I HAVE SOUND.
April 29, 2009 5:05 PM | Reply | Permalink
Yay!!!!!! Seriously, Arthur...there is just no way your talent COULDN'T earn you a livelihood. I just don't know how you would go about it...someone here MUST!
HELP! Suggestions, anyone???
April 29, 2009 5:23 PM | Reply | Permalink
Honestly, stilli, I wouldn't want to put that pressure on dd. He's got a lot on his plate. If something like that happens along, fine. But this way he has all the fun and no stress!
April 29, 2009 5:28 PM | Reply | Permalink
I know, Thera, he's just made comments along the way about wishing his circumstances were better...just trying to be helpful, or supportive, or something like that there...
April 29, 2009 5:37 PM | Reply | Permalink
I wasn't chastising you in any way. As a matter of fact, long ago I did email someone who is a writing coach with dd's blog link and his email (with his permission) in case she had some advice. Publishing isn't always that easy. (I've done what I could - as I say, long ago.)
I see where you're coming from. But the joy of posting here is posting out of love, out of spontaneity, without any deadlines or without an editor.
April 29, 2009 5:48 PM | Reply | Permalink
I shudder to think what Rumsy will do to that 'aristocrat boy' when he gets his hands on him. It's been a while since I read of Julio's or Sulla's life and times. This is a fun twist DD.
April 29, 2009 5:32 PM | Reply | Permalink
Thank you Miguel. The real story--as it develops through Mr. Peabody--is so much fun. I can get back to some good comedy. It just took me two chapters to set it up.
April 29, 2009 5:37 PM | Reply | Permalink
I eagerly anticipate the next installment. *my Sherman to your Mr. Peabody*
April 29, 2009 5:49 PM | Reply | Permalink
I always root for the underboy. And, every dog should have his boy.
April 29, 2009 6:01 PM | Reply | Permalink
Hi SI, one thing Dick could and should think about is setting up his own blog, crossposting here much like Dagblog and the Hive, and have a tipjar. It's a pretty common business model, as far as I can tell. I regularly read an ex bond trader who is really useful with an inside look at the bond markets. He eventually put up a tip jar because the blog wasn't profitable (for a bond trader). He's now getting a steady income from regular readers like me. Likewise during the Bush days I used to read a raving lunatic called the rude pundit (his writing being, well, cathartic) and he had a tipjar to supplement his other sources of income. It seemed to work quite well. Of course, Dick being a raving communist, he may balk at such an idea...
;0)
April 29, 2009 6:54 PM | Reply | Permalink
Co-Sign.
Dick, listen to the Pug. He's talking good cent$.
April 29, 2009 6:56 PM | Reply | Permalink
Obey, I rave less on communism lately. My anger has been quelled by people like you and with the hopes and dreams inspired by the New Administration.
I used to be either depressed or angry. Believe me, angry was better. hahahahaa
April 29, 2009 7:15 PM | Reply | Permalink
So, what do you think of the IDEA?
April 29, 2009 7:22 PM | Reply | Permalink
What a fabulous idea! As long as he promised to post "almost" everything here, then we could run over there to tip! LOVE it! Hear that, Arthur? Beer money!!! And smokes!!!
April 29, 2009 7:16 PM | Reply | Permalink
Stilli. I aint never leavin here. No way, no how. You and my other friends give me such confidence. And not the confidence of chief inspector Clouseau.
ha
If I was publishing, I would still have to play here. This is like an advanced college course. You get to read the good, the bad and the ugly.
You get feedback from people WHO KNOW HOW TO READ AND WRITE. And you do not have to get feedback in fifteen minutes or see your post evaporate.
April 29, 2009 7:23 PM | Reply | Permalink
Pugsley isn't suggesting that you LEAVE here (he'd NEVER do that!!!)...just cross-post from your own blog, like O and Genghis and Deanie do...But at your own blog you could set up a tip jar and make beer/smokes money in addition to regaling us with your stories...It is SOOOOOO worth a try, Arthur...best of BOTH worlds!
April 29, 2009 7:32 PM | Reply | Permalink
Like SI says, it's CROSS-posting. All the cool kids are doing it, man...
April 29, 2009 8:01 PM | Reply | Permalink
I will look into it. And I appreciate your thoughts and Iwill ask for your help.
Right now I am floating with all this ego boosting and learning a new computer.
By the way. THIS IS GREAT, A GREAT PC
April 29, 2009 8:22 PM | Reply | Permalink
Great. So glad that computer is working out. 'Wireless keyboard' - sounds cool whatever it is. LOL!
April 29, 2009 8:40 PM | Reply | Permalink
I think you should just keep writing these stories here as you see fit Dick. Who knows, maybe someone will come along and offer to publish them. You could self publish on the net. But I suspect if you try to organize them for publication it might take some of the spontaneity and joy out of writing and reading them.
April 29, 2009 6:40 PM | Reply | Permalink
I am having a ball Mark. And I get feedback from friends every day!!! Your point is reflected in Jesse's blog today on religion.
He talks about a religion based on the 'now'. I know you have a real life, but check his blog out.
Because it reflects my feelings right now.
And right now, your comment is like a small bit of Amphetimine that strengthens my heart along with comments from my other friends.
It is all gooooood.
April 29, 2009 7:08 PM | Reply | Permalink
OK, I admit it; I adore what you write. As Doris Lessing advises, personalized for you: "Move from sympathy to sympathy (in reading and writing;" if you were taught that you must 'finish' something before you move you were poorly taught...."
DD, life is so short ---- pursue whatever your muse suggests.
No matter what, we all benefit. (If I were cool, I would know what text symbol to put here) .. it's either -;) or -:O, or.... just love you.
April 29, 2009 6:41 PM | Reply | Permalink
I love you too Belle. I miss you. I hope you are feeling better, more springy HEY.
You are one of my muses Belle. I get excited just before I push the 'submit' bar. ha
April 29, 2009 7:01 PM | Reply | Permalink
Thanks DD,
I was flyin around little bee me,scoring pollen on the web when I saw this extraordinary flower crooning.Investigate I did,and stayed there and hid, and the crooner said, "so speak up shybee"
So one day my voice I bid, spoke up I spoke out yes I did. I sang, "yADA YAdA YADa this and that a lotta, surely we should oughtta, YadA YaDa yadA"
Now thankful I go day by day, to the crooner to hear what next he will say. (Snap!..Gulp!)
FEED ME!
It was your extraordinary writing and the voice behind it that caught my attention and kept me here
I am grateful.
And dont call me sappy!
April 29, 2009 7:20 PM | Reply | Permalink
DonDi, my goodness. What an upper you are. No kidding. Hey if this is sappy, I will bathe more often in maple syrup. ha
yadayadayadayadayadayada dadadadada HA!!!
April 29, 2009 7:33 PM | Reply | Permalink
Dick - love this stuff. Hope there's going to be a sequel. It's funny, I just finished my Rome season 2 today and was whining about why they killed off the series. And then you pop up with This! Makes me want to dive back into all the Ancient stuff I gobbled up years ago...
April 29, 2009 7:33 PM | Reply | Permalink
This is a great story as I noted above and I wanted to do this for decades.
April 29, 2009 8:26 PM | Reply | Permalink
Nicely done, DD. Rec'ed, of course.
Are you slowly working your way backwards to Gilgamesh?
April 29, 2009 7:52 PM | Reply | Permalink
No Grouch. I will get back to Arthur shortly.
I wanted to see how this went and I am thrilled and I have not even gotten to the good parts yet.
I have a classics minor and I did love Caesar.
April 29, 2009 8:29 PM | Reply | Permalink
DD, you are a man after my own heart
April 29, 2009 8:37 PM | Reply | Permalink
Yes, yes yes Saladin. I think that is where I started to think about Caesar and the Pirates again.
Yes. It was your blog. How about that?
My memory fades.
Thank you for that.ha
April 29, 2009 8:43 PM | Reply | Permalink
Ahh, that 'splains it.
Just a few classes, after four years of ecclesiastical Latin in HS. (Jesuits)
Art major here - I wanted to do something useless.
April 29, 2009 11:01 PM | Reply | Permalink
Three years high school Latin. two college. and a minor in classics. I was prepared for nothing so I went to law school.
I was always better at nothing. ha
April 29, 2009 11:04 PM | Reply | Permalink
Enjoyed it!
April 29, 2009 11:27 PM | Reply | Permalink
Hey WW, Thanks. Thanks for droppin in.
April 29, 2009 11:29 PM | Reply | Permalink
Can we have a Roman Shiteface?
And some turnips.
April 29, 2009 11:37 PM | Reply | Permalink
Q, BC would better bear the moniker of Shiteface, but he really is more of a shiteface that the knighted Quinn. ha
I must think of turnips. And perhaps sea bass gone amuck so to speak.
April 30, 2009 6:13 AM | Reply | Permalink
Hmmm. I'm afraid my retirement will bring no booty, either.
They broke you when they made the mold, DD. Great read.
April 30, 2009 1:02 AM | Reply | Permalink
Thanks Meanie. Actually, they broke the mold then made me then threw the broken mold away. ha
April 30, 2009 5:39 AM | Reply | Permalink
I question I dare ask only of one as erudite as yourself: what is Latin for "foundered"?
April 30, 2009 9:08 AM | Reply | Permalink
Gaudeo te illud de me rogavisse
Ok Meany. Look, founded would be something along the lines of:
Institutem habeo---But
Veni, Vidi, _____________?
I think you mean floundered
In Errata sum? (I am in error)
Erravi perniciose (I did commit a fatal error)
In rivo fimi senie remo sum (I am up a creek without a paddle)
My declensions and tenses fail. But I bet it would be something like
Veni, Vici, Errati
I must ponder this.
You have me thinking. Dangerous
April 30, 2009 9:42 AM | Reply | Permalink
Actually, I did mean "floundered." But the other has some interesting implications.
Truly you are a man of letters, DD. Lots and lots of them. ;)
In scriptus sancti. (Or something like that. My last Latin mass was before the aquaducts.) This I know better:
In other words, write on, my brother.
April 30, 2009 10:19 AM | Reply | Permalink
Day, it's 5am and I got sleepers in m' eyes. Thankfully I have Murranicus to translate.
You are brilliant, you know...
April 30, 2009 8:14 AM | Reply | Permalink
Steve, Lingua Latina before dawn. A man after my own heart. You know I was thinkin that there are worse things than someone doing an entire blog attacking your blog. ha
Add up all the comments and it really looks like you got the blood flowin. I mean its better than being ignored.
As always, thanks for dropping buy and strengthening my ego.
April 30, 2009 9:09 AM | Reply | Permalink
"I was called out, therefore I am."
We all missed you...
April 30, 2009 10:34 AM | Reply | Permalink