Gawain and the Moor proceeded west thanks to the quick thinking of Senor Eduardo. Well quicker thinking than the two blue bloods anyway. There was a mystery about the west.
Everyone knows that east is east and west is west. And never the twain shall meet, although Clemens did do a lot of traveling.

In the fifth century it seemed that the farther west you went, the weirder things got. The Romans stopped at the shores of Wales because they knew that only crazy barbarians lived in Ireland.And no one wished to go anywhere west of Ireland because you could fall off the edge of the world and end up in Manhattan, but that is another story.

The four mammals had been traveling all day in Sunny Old England.  In the olden days, and especially in the mythological olden days there seemed to be a plethora of dry sunny days. Nowadays it has been estimated that England really only has fifteen days that are sunny all year.

The Sun began to set and the knights could tell how late it was getting earlier than if they had been traveling east.  They came upon a small village called Mobile. In ancient days the village had to keep moving because of Roman invasions, Norse invasions, Saxon invasions and ultimately commercial invasions so the name kind of stuck.

Our heroes had taken advantage of a good expense account and stopped in Mobile for a room and a bath and some drinks. Gawain and Palidan tied up their four leggers in front of the Village Inn. The old VI was a standard for travelers in those days. Although there were no TVs or telephones, but there were beds that actually stood off of the floor and mirrors over the ceilings.

Our boys paid for a room and immediately went to the bar and ordered some ale for themselves and Senor Eduardo. They ingested a fine dinner that included hagus-oh nothing like a good cows stomach-filled with all sorts of stuff.  Basically anything left over in the kitchen that could not be scrubbed off the floor. But after three or four hours and two or three buckets of ale, they retired to their beds.

A fog rolled into Mobile, thick and massive.  There was a mystic quality to it.

Gawain awoke in the morning confused. He was dizzy and had a headache. Oh no, I am never doing that again. One half a bucket after this. Please God I promise. After Gawain crossedhimself he heard a voice.

Gawainooo, time to get up!

Gawainoo? Nobody called him that except, except...MUMS?

Yes dear. Time to get up and do your chores.  It is already getting late.

Gawain stood up, still woozy and looked around. He was in his old room. His room as a child with wooden swords on the walls with plywood shields and pictures of his heroes Caesar and Attila. He gathered himself and went downstairs.

Hi Mumsy.

Hello boy. There is some gruel on the table for you with some nice apple slices.  Now finish up your breakfast and get your chores done. The horses and chickens need feeding and the horse and cattle manure must be gathered and spread.

Gawain could not, for the life of him, remember where is was last night or why he was here and not in Camelot.  But he thought he would 'play along' and his mind might clear later on.

Meanwhile, in the giant's dungeon at St. Michael's Mount, Sir Palidan awoke with a terrible headache and a dry mouth.  That is the last time. I swear to Almighty God!!! He knelt down and made the sign of the cross.

Never, never, never...one half a bucket and that is it. Wait a minute. Where the hell am I? Disoriented, discombobulated, the Moor felt like Ronald Reagan at a cabinet meeting for a minute.

Palidan could not remember where he was the night before, let alone why he was where he was. As a matter of fact, where in the hell was he? 

He heard someone walking down the hall. Dragging one leg. Heavy breathing.

The guard suddenly appeared. Six feet tall, about fifty, with a gimp right leg.  Prison guards usually had old wound from battle. That is the group from which guards were appointed. The old 'retired' wounded vet.  How is it goin towel head? Ready for some nice breakfast gruel?  Such a delight that you were able to drop in. Oh why do I even take the time. No way monkeys like you can understand a civilized language like old English. But that is ok, I was transferred by the Giant Ogre, my master from the stables and spoke with the horses everyday. Hahahahahahahahahha

With that the sot shoved the bowl/plate under the cell in the slot provided.  Now it was not that our knight was against gruel. But he had a hangover and, like I already pointed out, he was discombobulated.  And besides, even with his head spinning, it sure looked like some small 'things' of a sort were moving in the dish.

Meanwhile, out east......

Where did everyone go? All four of us were having such a fine time. And this morning I get up, Gawain and his horse are gone and so is my master.  He owed his master. And he respected his master. So Senor Eduardo, after he was sure everyone was gone, proceeded west to St. Michael.

The more he thought about his master, the faster became his pace.....

The next morning, panting, our equine hero made it to the mount. Now anyone who saw the movie might know that there really are no official mountains in England. But this was a damn high hill. The reason that you like to build fortresses upon hills and small mountains is because it gives you the advantage in a siege. Gravity has more to do with victory than gravitas.    

But giants and giant ogres are not all that smart, when it comes right down to it. And the newly installed giant at Mt. St. Michael was a drooling mess and the person he replaced, the grand giant of St. Michael was even more a drooler. The fortification was installed at the bottom of the mountain/hill. And even Senor Eduardo was amazed at the stupidity. 

Eduardo shrugged off his accouterments and made it look like was just one of the many horses in the area. Feeding on the green grasses in the general area and moseying on down to the castle.  Finally he found some basement windows and lo and behold, he spotted the Moor.

Looking around first to see if there was anyone listening in he spoke into the window:

I am the Lord thy God and thou shall have no false gods before me.

Sir Palidan sat up. What in the hell was that?

Sing the song of the ages with me pagan

Valerie, Valera, Valerie
Valerahahahahaahhaha

Oh my God. Its Senor Eduardo.

Palidan stood up and went to the window.  Why you old nag. I never would have thought...
Where the hell am I Eduardo?

You are at St. Michael's Mount, where we all were supposed to be.  How did you get here by the way?

St. Michael's?  That is where we are all supposed to be. But I do not remember a damn thing. I just woke up here. And I could remember nothing.  At least since we crossed the moat at Camelot with, with...the troops.  Then we changed our minds. And then, that is it. Except you making fun of me and....and Gawain.

Wow.  Oh somebody's coming. I will be back.

Just a hundred yards east of Eduardo, two horsemen were arriving.  Eduardo just pretended to graze some more and moved away from the window.  Actually he was only half ass pretending as it were.  He really did like this grass. This was the finest grass that he had feasted on since that oasis...oh never mind..

After the riders were past, Senor Eduardo return to the window.  Psssssssssst. Because of a speech impediment that he covered up rather well, Senor Eduardo used extra esses in his Psssssssts to over correct.  At least that is what I think. Sometimes you know we impute motives to other people..er...horses that we should not.

Sir Palidan came back to the window.  Check these bars Master, if we just get one pulled out your skinny black ass could probably squeeze through.

Palidan worked on all ten bars and sure enough one was loose.

Now tie my rope onto the loose bar. That's it.  These Moors are damn good tyers. Most of the knights were sailors you know.

Do you always talk to yourself during work hours?

Hush Moor. With that Senor Eduardo pulled backwards. Harder and harder he pulled.

Palidan did his best to twist at the same time and sure enough, the bar and some of the cement came out.

Sir Palidan quickly jumped up and through the bars he came. And bareback he jumped his steed and off they went.

Without Gawain, we had better skip the giant killing routine, Senor.  What do you think?

Hey, we blacks all think alike. And with that Senor Eduardo began to laugh and the Moor began to laugh and off they went.  East. East for sure.

Now Senor Eduardo, as he was wont to do, broke out in song:


Oh we sought a quest at Michael's
And found the almost mountain
In a picturesque terrain
And we were goin to slay a giant
And then celebrate most riant
But we did not have Gawain

laladididididididididididi
Oh we did not have Gawain

Oh we would have made the full quest
We would have done our darn best
If we had only found Gawain
But our dreams of success
And the hopes of all the rest
Just went hopelessly down the drain

laladididididididididididi
Oh we did not have Gawain
We must do our best darn tootin
We must find our bloody footin
And go lookin for Gawain


Meanwhile, back at the ranch.  Morganna's ranch.  It really was a ranch you know. I mean horses and cows and goats. You could call it a big farm. But I always wanted to say: Meanwhile back at the ranch.  Ahhhhhh. I like poetry.

Gawain knew something was amiss. He knew Mummy had somehow pulled a fast one. He knew he should be at Camelot or at least on a quest of some kind. But she was really kind of a witch.She had raised him from about age ten on. Of course he left at age fifteen for knight school but always came home every other week end.  And she appeared to always put a smile on his father's face. And she kept a nice house.

But ever so often she would get angry at some knight and literally send him to the gates of hell. I mean everyone has their faults. Do not get me wrong. But Morganna always kind of over reacted and she and her Celtic Sisters were weird and he learned early on to stay on her good side.

So Gawain secretly pack up. But had a chance to have a conversation with her before he left.

Mums, how did I get here.

Why Gawainooo, you belong here. This is your home. And you are the oldest son and now that your dear father is gone, you are the duke of these lands. She of course, never crossed herself since she was a pagan deity of sorts.  It was always most difficult for pagan deities to 'cross over' so to speak, become born again, so to speak.  And, besides, there had to be someone left to carry on the old ways. So to speak.

Mums, you know I owe a fief to Arthur, your own half brother. I shall always honor my Dukedom and I shall work with you to maintain our heritage.  I trust you to help me run the ranch. BUT YOU WILL NOT INTERFERE WITH ME AGAIN. DO YOU UNDERSTAND.

Morganna tended to shy away from confrontation. She had been working on this exact issue with her therapist lately. So she shrank back.

Gawain duly kissed his step mother's cheek and left on his steed toward Camelot, to the south.