Meanwhile in the Southeast, Sir Dobbs arrived at the pavilions with his five hundred troops.  These tents were the headquarters of the Border Reintrenchment Division.  He presented himself inside the largest of the structures.

Yes, yes enter, forsooth. State your station and your purposes soldier!  

Sir Dobbs, from Camelot with reinforcements Sire.

You will address me soldier by my station and name. Understand Soldier!

Yes Sire, but I am not educated as to your name and station. Sire Dobbs was confused. He had understood that he would drop off some paperwork and begin his labors immediately. He was confused by the protocol.

The young leftenant standing to the left of the official-which would be to the right of Dobbs-kicked his heels and stood to attention while he announced:

You are currently in the presence of Duke Duc (pronounced Duke Duck), state your station and your name and present your papers, Soldier!

I am Sir Dobbs, from Camelot Duke Duc and I present these orders for your perusal, handing a large scroll that he had pulled out of a special secret pocket in his pantlettes.  While he was pulling out these orders, Duc looked askance at his leftenant.

Very well Dobbs. Duke Duc took the papers and unrolled them. Mmmmmh. (That is one of those hums that people in charge make that is so hard to spell. Normally you might have noticed that I care not for spelling and I was never very good at those B's so to speak, but readers have informed me that I must work on this personal failing. I point it out here only to demonstrate that a hum is really difficult to spell)

From the third Quadrant at Castle Camelot Soldier.  Say, you must be Fathead Dobbs of the Dobbs fame up north, Soldier. Is that correct?

Yes Sire, er...Duke Duc. Although I go by Sir Dobbs, Duke Duc. And Fathead is a moniker given me by...

Never mind Fathead. It is of no concern to me why your father would choose such a name....

But my name is not Fathead, Duke Duc and....

Look Fathead, we must move along here. Mmmmmmmh (This was kind of a longer hum and therefore the spelling is different, it is an important part of style which my parents informed me I sorely lacked) It says here that you have five hundred strong and hearty men and that your purpose here is to pursue all Angles. Is that correct Fathead?

Just then a senior official entered the paviliion. Duke Duc, I have heard that Fathead Dobbs has arrived.

Lord Marshall, welcome!!! What are thou herest for, LM?

I am here to remind you that I have dibs on Dobbs.

Dibs on Dobbs? But LM I need him on the northwest portion of the Southesast to pursue all Angles.

DD, we have been through this before, we need Dobbs on on the southwest quarter of the Southeast, and I have dibs.

Now hand me the orders.  Mmmmmmmhhh (Lord Marshall had a distinctly different hum, aw you can figure it out, I only have so much space here) Fathead, you are from the third quadrantat Castle Camelot. You will follow me.

Dobbs followed Lord Marshall as they discussed the plans to pursue all Angles.  Lord Marshall noted that the problem was the Angles would congregate in one place and as soon as soldiers showed up in their sights, the barbarians would scatter and jump into small boats made out of large tree trunks and split into two parts and paddle to another spot and enter the border from different places.

Then Lord Marshall was forced to disperse his men into two flanks, pursue the Angles at their
new arrival points and then the illegal Angles would jump into their boats and paddle back to their point of origin.

The problem Fathead, is that these diseased barbarians sneak into our country and take jobs away from our citizens.  You will find them shoveling manure in the fields and they become domestics  at local manors, caring for the chamber pots.  And they never pay their payroll taxes.

Fathead, shook his head. I know Lord Marshall, we actually found illegal Angles at Camelot working on the moat....and thus the discussion continued.

Meanwhile, back at Camelot our hunting party returns with their tail between their legs and a litter trailing between the legs of one of the horses.

Boy, next time we better take a cart with us, noted Gawain.

Yea, but the horses get so tired pushing those carts uphill, responded Gareth.

Gareth, the horses pull the carts. Oh, never mind.

The litter with our Royal celebrity lying face down was laid upon the roundish table.  Merlin was there to greet them as he scowled at the boar' tusk stuck in the King's er..backside, so to speak.

Where is Blaise?

Merlin, he ran to post, he said he was late and must post.  I am not sure, but I think he means he has to write down some of the wonders witnessed by our Christian knights in the dark, dark wilderness this PM.

Well, since Gareth had run ahead and gave me notice of things, I have taken out the star charts in an attempt to get a handle...looking at the tusk buried thus...on how to begin to repair the damage that has been done to the Royal Backside.

Now Orion has been above the horizon for a fortnight and there is a beautiful crescent moon
in the night sky as well as Venus, just above the crescent.  

Now if we understand the hunter as Orion and the King also as a hunter and we take into consideration the crescent.  Merlin looks down again at the crescent shaped boar tusk looking like a reverse comma arising from....We must then look at Venus as....We may have to thrust the tusk, so to speak, further up a..Venus.. Before we will be able to properly remove...

Bedivere screamed, Merlin, that is enough. Enough I say. Get me Beau Manes, immediately.

A huge figure of a man suddenly stepped into the Roundish Room. He was fully 6'6" in his boots and 50 stone if he was a pound. Beau had been a new addition to the kitchen appointed by Kay but under the tutelage of Snerf. Beau was so large that he had to crouch nearly every time he passed through a doorway in the castle.

But his hands were the kicker, so to speak.  They were the biggest hands ever seen by most of the knights, outdone only by the hands noted in spectacular tales of giants and ogres.

Beau, said Bedivere, REMOVE THIS TUSK.

The King was still in his coma and lifeless. Beau, without any inquiry as far as these proceedings went, reached down with one hand and delivered the crescent shaped piece of ivory from the Royal Arse with one pull.

All of a sudden a great wind broke from...well you can guess from whence and a stench the like that had ever been witnessed let loose across the room.

All but Gareth swooned.  Minutes later our cabal woke up and ran outside, wretching onto the Royal Lawn. They looked at each other, after they had recovered and knelt down in prayer to Our Lord Jesus Christ.

Bedivere began the prayer: O Lord, a great omen was witnessed through our eyes, our ears and our nostrils. And Thou hast really delivered us from evil in this instance. We give you our thanks and ask for your grace.

All the knights rose and reentered the castle to address the appointed task. The kitchen crew was delivered into the empty roundish room while the knights looked on from afar.

After nearly an hour of cleaning the table and the room the knights returned along with Merlin who had vanished into the air as the tusk was being removed.



    We now turn to the first Quest for the Taxes and join Tristan and Lancelot.

Looked a little sore mounting that mighty steed LL, laughed Tristan as they rode out into the country side. The two were great organizers and had already sent out the guard in five different directions in order to check in, so to speak, at all the local priories, abbeys, monasteries and cathedrals.The directives were to summon the man in charge. Whether the head of the priory or the abbot or the priest who usually rant the monastery. The bishop at the cathedral would also be questioned.

A Letter of Inquiry went with each lieutenant and short letters of introduction had already been sent to each of the individuals of import.

That jousting a fortnight ago has still left a bruise on my arose that Gwen... that some have said is greenish blue. But who am I to complain. It is a beautiful day in the country.  Where is our first mark, TT?

The nunnery at Caerleon.

But I thought there was an ogre or a dragon on that route?

Nah, LL, when was the last time you saw a dragon?

Well, truth be told I have never actually seen a dragon, but many have reported sightings during my many quests.  The convergence of stories told by the eye witnesses is really hard to dismiss out of hand. You know, Uther Pendragon was said to keep a kind of blue book on these sightings.There are sketches and reports of folks who have sworn by the sacred Word of Our Lord Jesus Christ. They triangulate the sightings and...

LL what pray tell is triangulate and why shouldeth I give a....

Both knights duly signed themselves with the cross of Our Lord as betakes all good Christian men.

Say speaking of sacred TT, do you thing that Sister Agnes is still resident in that nunnery? I remember a cool November night with her in the stable what made my lance dance for hours.

LL, I only saw the good Agnes  just two fortnights ago, under a full moon in an open stable.
She had the most prudent face, a true vision of godliness.  She instilled something in me and I gotta tell ya that I instilled something in her...hahahhahahah.

TT took out his lyre and began to strum

There was a lass who was sworn to God
She had knelt in prayer and forsook her bod
She gave to me what she could not to God
And I gave her my all on the old green sod

Agnes Dei Qui Toll Es Pecatta Mundi
Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world
Agnes Dei Qui Toll Es Pecatta Mundi
A woman of god but to me a little girl


You are such a fine minstrel TT.  Surely this is a Cornish thing pray tell.

LL there is nothing corny about it, and do not call me Shirley.

The two grand knights proceeded to the nunnery and as they arrived a man tied to his horse
was just leaving due west.  The two perceived a rag tied around the man's head tied in such a way as to make him mute.

Tying their horses to the posts provided, they approached the door.

I will flip you for Agnes tonight, LL prayed.

This is no time to wrestle TT, what are you thinking?

Just then the door of the nunnery opened and the Grand Abyss appeared. Who pray tell are you knights doing at my door at this time of day? You appear to be men of the Christian Faith and yet you would assail with the mens rea and intent to violate this place of the Lord?

No, no no responded Tristan. I am Tristan and this is Sir Lancelot Du Lac. We are Knights of the Round Table and the Lordly King Arthur as sent us hither for business purposes.  Lancelot blushed just then as he was thinking once again of the Lamb of God.

Well I can tell a man who has impure thoughts twenty paces off in the distance and this Du Lac fellow is not saying his rosary!!!!

All right come in if you will, but maintain the dignity demanded of this sacred place!!!!

The two entered the perilous siege with trepidation and lost aims that they had held only minutes afore. Tristan asked Lancelot in a hushed voice: Pray tell what is An Abyss?

It is a great hold from which no one ever escapes.