Someone from the WH contacted me and asked if a deep undercover agent could use my blog. I was not given a name because of National Security issues.  I agreed out of patriotic zeal and felt that it would be ok as long as there was full disclosure:

Dear Blog Enthusiastics:

I have come here today to clarify some misunderestimations of my President (code name 'w') by the public due to misinformations disseminated by the liberal pressers.  Hopefully by making certain  clarifications, the record can be stratified.

First, w never said to Paul O'Neill:  "We're goin into Iraq, find a way."  There had been a meeting of the National Security Police on the date in question.  We were discussing potential infusations of monies into the economy when w came down with a fever.  w then turned to Secretary O'Neill and said:  "I'm gonna hit the rack, find a way."

w is happy to get that off his chest.

Second, there was a reason for the seven minute delay during the reading session on 9/11/01.  Everyone has seen this video where w was attempting to educate our youth. When the aide comes over to w on the tape, w thought he said, " A train has hit the bowery."  w never takes the train so he ignored the message. The second time the aide comes toward w, w thought he was saying that two trains had hit the bowery.

At any rate, w decided that he had to finish the reading because his primary purpose was to not leave any children behind.

w is more than happy to clear this matter up.

Third, w knew that Sadaam had WMD's. How did w know this? Because Dicky told him. And Dicky ought to have known because he had contracted with Sadaam to sell Sadaam the WMDs  in the first place when he ran Haliburton.  And you should have seen Dicky on the phone to the troops on the ground after the invasion.  There were over four hundred phone calls from the VP's office to the High Command in Iraq.

"Turn left at the Blue Mosque and go down Bath Street till you hit the Exxon Station, then take a right.  The weapons are in a storage locker marked 'H'."   And Dicky just got madder and madder and madder.  It turns out that Sadaam had pulled another fast one and sold his new weapons to Syria for twice what he had paid Haliburton for them.

It is like you just can't trust anybody these days, or those days, or whatever.
w is extremely satisfied to get all this read into the recordification.

Fourth, w wishes to make clear the fact that tax relief went to the people who paid the taxes.  Now, it is true that many people pay property taxes and sales taxes and excise taxes on liquor and tobacco.  But those people do not contribute to w's campaigns or to the RNC.

w is more than happy to get this out of his mind.

Fifth, w wishes to clarify the matter concerning so-called illegal wire tapifications. w has never broken the law.  Whenever w is about to act he summons his legal staffers and they tell him the legalifications.  They used to do this in writing but it took time and the staffers had to read it to w anyway.  Suffice it to say, w only wiretapped the enemies of America.  Sometimes the enemies of America are in America.  Which is handier than when they are in Iraq.  When they are in Iraq you have to pay Turkey all this money to imprison the enemies. 

As that great House of Representations lady said, you know the one from Minnesota, there are many enemies of our country that are in the Congressional Delegations and we have to keep tabs on these people.

w is extremely grateful to get those things off his mind.

w has served the presidentations as the Decider for everybody and has done his best to equalize the rights of everyone.  That is why w attempted to take away everybody's rights at the same time.  The plan was to restore all of these rights as soon as the war on terrrrrer is complete, sometime in the next century or so, about the same time that the troops in Iraq can come home for good.

Finally, there have been some problems with regard to economicifations over the past few months.  Some blame certain appointed cabinet positionalists.  w wishes to make it clear that he only appointed his friends and contributionists to these posts.  With regard to the SEC for instance, you must appoint someone who knows something about being a criminal activist in the market prior to the appointments. You see, it takes one to know one.

Thank you for your time and reverbification in this matter.

Very dearly yours,

Secret Agency Man