Barack Obama's Secret Plan
It is to you, my fellow Cafe denizens, that I will reveal Barack Obama's secret plans for world domination. I tell you this now because, like a comic book villain, I am sure that it's entirely too late for you to stop me.
Mwhahahahaha.
It all begins with universal healthcare. First, the mighty Obama will appoint a commission to decide when you will die. The Republicans mistakenly think this is a "euthanasia" committee and that it has something to do with end of life care. Not true. Obama actually plans to use IRS agents who will decide when you personally will die. When you die you will be replaced by a cheaper, illegal immigrant version of you. It's in line 36 of the healthcare bill or something.
When you die and are replaced by cheaper illegal immigrants, the Federal Government will use its power to access your bank accounts in order to take the difference between the cost of you and an illegal. So if when they make you die you have $20,000 they will take $16,000 for themselves and leave $4,000 for the illegal you. This is all in the bill it's just that the bill is too long for anyone or even any group of people to read. I'd show you an exact citation but, really, what's the point? You can't read it anyway. The bill isn't even written in English. Its written in Senagelese which is a language that merely looks and sounds like English but means something totally different. Barack Obama, who was born outside of the United States in Hawaii can speak and read Senagalese fluently.
Under the new healthcare plan prescription drugs will be used to control your mind.
Under the new healthcare plan your doctor will be forced to tell the DEA if he finds out that you smoked weed in college. They will be able to test for that and you could be prosecuted.
Under the new healthcare plan, fat people will be put on severe caloric restriction diets and, if they fail to lose weight, will be forced to run on treadmills under military supervision.
Under the new healthcare plan your doctor will be chosen for you by a computer program. Since all doctors will be treated equally you might be assigned to a neurosurgeon even if you're trying to see a gynecologist.
You might be wondering why Obama wants to do all of these things. It's because he's angry at you. That's why.
Mwhahahahaha.
It all begins with universal healthcare. First, the mighty Obama will appoint a commission to decide when you will die. The Republicans mistakenly think this is a "euthanasia" committee and that it has something to do with end of life care. Not true. Obama actually plans to use IRS agents who will decide when you personally will die. When you die you will be replaced by a cheaper, illegal immigrant version of you. It's in line 36 of the healthcare bill or something.
When you die and are replaced by cheaper illegal immigrants, the Federal Government will use its power to access your bank accounts in order to take the difference between the cost of you and an illegal. So if when they make you die you have $20,000 they will take $16,000 for themselves and leave $4,000 for the illegal you. This is all in the bill it's just that the bill is too long for anyone or even any group of people to read. I'd show you an exact citation but, really, what's the point? You can't read it anyway. The bill isn't even written in English. Its written in Senagelese which is a language that merely looks and sounds like English but means something totally different. Barack Obama, who was born outside of the United States in Hawaii can speak and read Senagalese fluently.
Under the new healthcare plan prescription drugs will be used to control your mind.
Under the new healthcare plan your doctor will be forced to tell the DEA if he finds out that you smoked weed in college. They will be able to test for that and you could be prosecuted.
Under the new healthcare plan, fat people will be put on severe caloric restriction diets and, if they fail to lose weight, will be forced to run on treadmills under military supervision.
Under the new healthcare plan your doctor will be chosen for you by a computer program. Since all doctors will be treated equally you might be assigned to a neurosurgeon even if you're trying to see a gynecologist.
You might be wondering why Obama wants to do all of these things. It's because he's angry at you. That's why.
