Wait, I think I don't understand the internets. First they told me the Clintons were out. Then back in. Then out again. And now they're running the convention? Oh, okay, not quite running it. Just everywhere.

And then there was that thing - sign up to hear who's VP! (Like imagine in a college dorm you can't hear the guys doing bong hits stoking over whover hit that 3-pointer? Sure, we'll beat the regular press to it by less than Lezak beat Bernard. )

So now what do I make of it - the email, the one I signed up for, to hear the news first, the one that made it through my spam filter, so obviously golden, said: Chelsea? Now wait, that's the up-and-coming promise-of-the-Democratic Party block? Or VP slot? Or both? I went back to my Oracle, but he had a luncheon date with some hottie he met at a press conference. So now I'm in the dark. Is this for real? Obama would rather be with Chelsea than her mom? Or this is the answer to Paris Hilton, with a spot on energy policy soon to break out? Or maybe this is a live hostage situation requiring Bill to speak nice at the convention? I'm not sure, but there's one thing I do know - the 6 mailing lists I just signed up with will have one right answer from the bunch. I'm sick of waiting. The truth is out there. Somewhere.