A Bittersweet (even sad) Victory For Me...
This post will be controversial, so please forgive me.
As I stood in Grant Park on election night, tears ran down my face as I watched the people around me hug and and cheer and yell and celebrate. To see the faces of the African Americans around me as they realized the culmination of decades of hopes and dreams was overwhelming. A part of me felt as if I was spying on their most private moments. But I was honored to be there, honored to be a small part of their journeys, honored to have been a small part of the Obama movement. I was so happy and overjoyed as my fellow Americans finally felt as if they were full participants and citizens of this nation. I said a prayer of thanks to God for each and every one of them.
And then I got home.
The gay marriage ban passed in Florida. The gay marriage ban passed in Arizona. The gay marriage ban passed in California. So while one portion of the nation felt a freedom and belonging they had never experienced before... I sat on my sofa with a pit in my stomach. In this nation, I am still less than equal. So while I celebrate history and the significance of this moment...I realize it is not my moment. It is not for me. I don't get to feel it. I can only recognize it on the the faces and in the lives of the people around me.
And the irony? Post election evaluation has shown the greater African American turnout in the vote in California is one of the major factors that caused the ban on gay marriage to pass. The African American community overwhelmingly voted in favor of Proposition 8. It breaks my heart. I am saddened that a group that is finally realizing the dreams of freedom would vote to deny someone else their pathway to freedom.
I am always annoyed when people try to compare the civil rights struggle of African Americans and Gay Americans. My gay community can never understand what it has been like to be black in America in the last 200 years. To try and compare the two journeys is offensive to the history of abuse, violence, and oppression that African Americans have suffered in our history. I would never try to equalize the two experiences or say my civil rights experience is the same as the civil rights experiences of African Americans.
But a part of me is sad that these African American voters can't recognize the similarities. It's about degrees of oppression. In our own way, gays suffer abuse, violence, and oppression. We remember a time when being gay was illegal. We remember a time when police beat our brothers and sisters for merely being gay. We remember those who came before us who fought violence and prejudice to give the next generation of gay people a voice. Our community has the horrors of Matthew Shepherd. Our community has the hatred of "christians" like Reverend Phelps. Our community has political parties using our existance to drive wedges between voters. And now we have state constitutional amendments denying our basic freedoms... our basic human rights. I thought about all of these things as I stood in the lunchline today (I am a teacher) and a group of boys behind me called me a "fucking queer". Is this the same journey that African Americans have suffered in the last 200 years? Absolutely not. But is it similar enough that it should have given African American voters pause? In my heart, I believe yes.
It makes me wonder what would have happened through history if civil rights issues had been put to a vote of "the masses' instead of handled through the courts.
Brown vs. the Board of Education? I expect we would have had state constitutional amendments banning educational integration.
Inter-racial marriage? There would be none.
Affirmative action? Qualified minority candidates would have found themselves on the outside looking in at the best colleges, the best jobs, the best opportunities.
Would reconstruction have passed a vote of "the people"
For you see, the courts are meant to protect the rights of the minority... of those who are oppressed by the unfair views of the majority. The courts are meant to guarantee freedoms, even when those freedoms are not popular in the eyes of "the masses". I find it disheartening that those large numbers of African American voters didn't see the hypocrisy of voting against freedom for gay people on the same day they experienced complete and limitless freedom for the first time.
These state constitutional amendments banning gay marriage will stand for a generation, and I will likely die before they are changed. Sadly, their existance will forever make me feel like less than a full American, less than equal to my fellow American brothers and sisters, in many ways less than human. I can understand why people who have never suffered at the hands of injustice would have no problem voting to pass these constitutional amendments to ban gay marriage. But in my heart of hearts, I will never come to understand how a group of people who have suffered for so long and fought so hard to belong and achieve full status in this nation could vote to pass along (in any small degree) the oppression they have felt to another group of people. It makes my heart heavy. It takes the wind out of my "sails" of joy for Barack Obama's well deserved victory. It robs me of my optimism for this nation and for my fellow Americans.
I am David Morgan, and I am less than I full citizen of the United States of America. Sadly, that's not likely to change in my lifetime.




