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Political Paralysis: what would Jesus do?
Christ Carrying the Cross
Hieronymous Bosch
1485-1490
Oil on panel
76.7 x 83.5 cm
Musee des Beaux-Arts, Ghent
Obama, budget director Peter Orszag and health czar Nancy-Ann DeParle grasp the intricacies of the health-care system as well as any three humans, and they could write a law to make it far more efficient. But now it is in the hands of legislators and lobbyists who care much less about the rationality of the system than they do about the way the bill will affect their particular part of it. Everyone has a parochial agenda. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, for example, wants to be sure a new cancer treatment center in Nevada has favored status. Democracy and representative government are a lot messier than the progressives and their heirs, including Obama, want to admit. No wonder they are so often frustrated.
David S. Broder - Washington Post
Given the slow progress of cap and trade legislation in the Senate, Europeans are beginning to understand why the UN might be an easier forum for Mr Obama than Capitol Hill. In this, Mr Obama is accused of not trying hard enough, rather than trying to do the wrong things. "Europeans no longer see President Obama as merely an innocent victim of what they regard as rightwing nuttiness in the American political wars," says Strobe Talbott, president of the Brookings Institution. "They are beginning to worry that the president has contributed to the paralysis of the system by playing too much defence."
Edward Luce - Financial Times
Wingnuts are always framing any question that comes into their heads with a "what would Jesus do", so I thought I would approach the subject of America's political paralysis in the same terms.
What would Jesus do it he were elected president of the USA?
Well of course, if the right wanted to actually run Jesus for president they would have to procure him an American birth certificate, but I suppose if they took the part where it says "place of birth: Bethlehem, Palestine" and rubbed out the (shudder) "Palestine" and substituted "Pennsylvania" that would do the trick. Of course the only president ever born in Pennsylvania was James Buchanan, considered to be in the running with George W. Bush as the worst president in US history. But what the heck, wouldbe birthers would have to be satisfied with Pennsylvania.
American politics being what it is Jesus would have to get a shave and a blowdry haircut and learn to drink beer and boilermakers and eat hotdogs and tacos and bagels and be a regular guy so as not to look effete and elitist... and to read what his handlers wrote for him off a teleprompter, but I suppose if John Edwards could manage all that, God could too.
Of course the wingnuts would have to be crazy to run Jesus for president, it's obvious to me that they have never really studied his programs and policies in any detail; with his love for the poor and driving money lenders from the Temple and encouraging his followers to pay taxes and all of that. And who is going to be First Lady? His mom?
Well, so suppose he finally got elected, he would for sure run into trouble from day one.
Imagine that at the inaugural ball he changed water into wine: he's in trouble right then and there with special interest groups like the Winegrape Growers of America. You don't think California's Nancy Pelosi would let something like that pass, do you? Not with her state going broke.
Now, of course, a salient part of Jesus's program was always healing the sick, for which he never charged a shekel, but if he continued to do that while in office the American Medical Association would be all over him and the big pharma lobbies too... You can imagine the smear campaigns... I prefer not to.
And of course then there is the Holy Land, "Terra Sancta" as old Yasser Arafat used to call it. You can imagine how much slack AIPAC is going to cut Jesus, of all people, on that one, can't you?
Finally, I think that one day, after his morning run on the Potomac, he might just up and drown both houses of congress and all of K-street in the reflecting pool of the Washington monument like he did with the Gaderene Swine... to general applause both in America and beyond her shores.
The moral of the story of course is that the problem is systemic and not really about personalities. As the Spanish say, "esto no lo arregla ni Díos", not even God can fix this paralysis.
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He would not be elected, and if elected, he would not serve. He would, however, make the point that we should not seek our lot in this world, but in the next.
September 24, 2009 3:51 PM | Reply | Permalink
Brilliant! It keeps the oppressed under control beautifully. And has anyone ever come back to complain? Or even to confirm it?
What a racket! And it is still working all these centuries later! It's the best joke of all times!
September 24, 2009 10:39 PM | Reply | Permalink
As I recall, Jesus only healed the believers.
He'd be our first Jewish president.
He'd give State of the Union parables.
"Render unto the IRS ..."
and Bosch had some butt ugly models.
September 24, 2009 3:55 PM | Reply | Permalink
Lazarus wasn't a believer. He was dead.
September 24, 2009 4:45 PM | Reply | Permalink
Before he died, Laz was a follower.
September 24, 2009 4:52 PM | Reply | Permalink
I know. But the corpse believed in nothing at the time of the miracle.
I'm just being silly. I have a mordant sense of humor.
"This isn't a follower. It is an EX-FOLLOWER."
September 24, 2009 5:47 PM | Reply | Permalink
How come Bosch's Jesus doesn't have a hooked nose?
Probably took after the Holy Spirit -- Roman nose and all.
September 24, 2009 5:24 PM | Reply | Permalink
Jesus couldn't even fix the existing paralysis in his own community.
But it isn't about what Jesus would do if he were President. It is about what each and every one of us can do to recognize that the kingdom of heaven is here on Earth were we to but ACT LIKE IT.
September 24, 2009 4:50 PM | Reply | Permalink
We obviously prefer hell.
September 24, 2009 5:18 PM | Reply | Permalink
Hell -- interesting, exciting, fun; Heaven -- boring, boring, and -- boring.
September 24, 2009 5:27 PM | Reply | Permalink
The death of Satan was a tragedy for the imagination.
September 24, 2009 5:48 PM | Reply | Permalink
Satan died? I thought he just....fell.
September 24, 2009 5:55 PM | Reply | Permalink
I believe everything Wallace Stevens tells me.
September 24, 2009 5:58 PM | Reply | Permalink
And for good reason!
September 24, 2009 7:52 PM | Reply | Permalink
Well, I'm pretty sure that Jesus H Christ would have been sent right to GITMO if he had arrived at JFK a year ago. If he suddenly came to our attention here as a Presidential candidate, he would be labeled a "muslim" by most of the wing-nuts out there, and he would most definitely have to show a paper birth certificate. "Rag-head" would be a typical epithet, and "just a feeling about not being able to trust him," would be a completely legitimate criticism, when reported by our vigilant media.
People would be yelling that they "want my country back," when faced with a sandal-wearing, long-haired socialist -- and rightly so -- I mean, where would he get off, advocating for "the least of these brethren!"
The more he would try to do the right thing the more he would run up against the bought-and-paid-for Congress. He might have to have another hissy-fit like he did with the money-changers in the temple so long ago. But really he is only one guy -- he'd probably be sold out by someone and impeached.
September 24, 2009 10:52 PM | Reply | Permalink
Jesus was not Jewish. I know because Jeff Chandler played him with blond hair and blue eyes.....
Seriously, I have seen signs at kkk rallies where someone is always carrying a sign saying: Jesus Was Not Jewish.
It is silliness. Jesus would command his 'troops'. Do this, do that....You should not have done this, you should not have done that. At least that is my take from the four Gospels.
Jesus could never get elected.
Oh hell, I do not know.
September 24, 2009 11:21 PM | Reply | Permalink
Jeff Chandler was Jewish, his real name was Ira Grossel. You are probably thinking of Jeffrey Hunter who played Jesus in Nicholas Ray's "King of Kings". He shaved his armpits for the crucifixion scene. I knew the Hunter, he was a very nice fellow, but a bit of a lush. The script writer for "King of Kings", Philip Yordan was Jewish however, as were most of the people who wrote the Bible.
September 25, 2009 1:44 AM | Reply | Permalink
Hey, how do like that for a Freudian slip? hahha
Yeah, Jeff Hunter and one of my favorite actors Ray Liotta; looks just like him. Liotta was adopted. Thought maybe old Jeff might have left 'a part of himself' in some town or other.
That always brings me back to the fact that I cannot tell if someone is 'of the Jewish race' or 'of the Jewish faith' or an Israeli. I cant. Not unless they tell me. Oh there are caricatures, but so too there are caricatures of the Irish.
And as you point out, MOST OF THE WRITERS OF BOTH TESTAMENTS WERE JEWISH ANYWAY...hahahahaaha
I am sorry, droning on again.
September 25, 2009 2:52 AM | Reply | Permalink