Insurers declare "life" a pre-existing condition
Today, several large heath insurance providers have declared that "being alive" is a pre-existing condition that constitutes reason to deny coverage for illness.
"Our statistics show that being alive is usually a precursor to cancer, heart disease, and other major conditions. In order to stay healthy, we believe that our customers should refrain from living. Those who insist on living are driving up the costs for everyone," said a spokesperson.
Stocks for insurers closed up 12% on the news.
"Our statistics show that being alive is usually a precursor to cancer, heart disease, and other major conditions. In order to stay healthy, we believe that our customers should refrain from living. Those who insist on living are driving up the costs for everyone," said a spokesperson.
Stocks for insurers closed up 12% on the news.
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Makes sense to me!
If you're alive there is a 100% chance of death. This kind of risk is simply too high!!!!
Coverage terminated!
October 6, 2009 8:38 PM | Reply | Permalink
And they want a stiff fine on anyone who refuses to buy insurance from them that happens to be alive but healthy enough 'not' to need health care services until of course they do... then they are terminated.
October 6, 2009 11:41 PM | Reply | Permalink
Yes - it's a sexually transmitted condition that is invariably fatal.
October 7, 2009 10:54 AM | Reply | Permalink
Mitt Romney, no doubt grounded in his Morman beliefs regarding life AFTER death, issued a statement that suggested the dead might be mandated to pay insurance premiums as well, especially since, according to his faith, the dead might again live. His campaign received $1.666 billion from health-related industries following the annoucement.
October 7, 2009 12:53 PM | Reply | Permalink
Heh!
(Incidentally, I wrote this blog-entry after reading about insurers considering making "domestic abuse" a "pre-existing condition". I thought that was already way over the line, and wondered where one could draw the final line. I guess you've just shown me that it's not even where I came up with...)
October 7, 2009 1:28 PM | Reply | Permalink