Today, several large heath insurance providers have declared that "being alive" is a pre-existing condition that constitutes reason to deny coverage for illness.

"Our statistics show that being alive is usually a precursor to cancer, heart disease, and other major conditions.  In order to stay healthy, we believe that our customers should refrain from living.  Those who insist on living are driving up the costs for everyone," said a spokesperson.

Stocks for insurers closed up 12% on the news.