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A LETTER FROM SATAN to Miss California Carrie Prejean
Miss Prejean:
I am writing this letter to you in response to your comments made to one of my good friends, Dr. James Dobson.
I understand you think I tempted you during your beauty pageant. Sorry to disappoint you, but I've been a little busy lately. I've had my lead apprentice Dick Cheney doing his best to start a war in the Middle East, and I've been working on this swine flu thing since before would have even heard of SARS. Actually - I forget who I'm writing to - you wouldn't have heard of it. You're really, really dumb.
But sure - I'll stop what I'm doing in derailing the peace process in Isreal just to put an idea in your head. Here's an idea bitch - STOP BLAMING ME FOR YOUR IGNORANCE!
As you know, I am the baddest, most evil and vile motherfucker in the Universe, but you and your ilk sicken even me a bit. Remember, I was an angel once - and man are you guys going to be in for a shock when you die. Just a quick FYI - God really doesn't think too highly of self richeous bigoted assholes.
I am doing important work. I don't want anyone thinking I would waste even one millisecond of my valuable time on someone like you. Being associated with you demeans me - and it needs to stop.
Effective immediately - please cease and desist attributing your petty, ignorant hatred of gay people to me. The next correspondence will be from my attorney, Johnny Cochran.
P.S. - It's not all bad news for you though, you do have a growing fan club here amongst the sadomasochistic pedophiliac Klansmen with poopsex tendencies. Previously the only person they would cheer for was Sarah Palin, but you're winning them over. They are a very VERY enthusiastic bunch. You'll experience that soon enough though.
Sincerely,
Satan
Satan
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Hilarious! God she is a dumb bitch.
May 12, 2009 2:27 PM | Reply | Permalink
What she said ↑
May 12, 2009 2:43 PM | Reply | Permalink
Pretty obvious SATAN, that YOU are wasting much of your valuable time, you, your concubine of the abominable sin as well as many other of your wicked army. The surprise will come in the final battle mine enemy...
... Michael, the great prince who protects your people (those in the book of life), will arise. There will be a time of distress such as has not happened from the beginning of nations until then. But at that time your people—everyone whose name is found written in the book—will be delivered. Multitudes who sleep in the dust of the earth will awake: some to everlasting life, others to shame and everlasting contempt. ...
...Many will be purified, made spotless and refined, but the wicked will continue to be wicked. None of the wicked will understand, but those who are wise will understand. ...
May 12, 2009 6:18 PM | Reply | Permalink
Satan never writes me, damnit. He just likes to wake from a nice solid sleep. Damn!!
May 12, 2009 6:50 PM | Reply | Permalink
I once got a robocall from Satan. Then I finished my coffee and realized that it was Heather Wilson and not Satan. Since then I've visited the "Miracle Staircase" in Lorenzo Chapel in Santa Fe and bought some holy water. If Wilson ever runs again or wants to fire an attorney general and calls me, I've got that squirt-bottle-holy-water ready to fire at the phone.
(oh yeah, we got rid of our landline, and I don't want to get my cell phone wet, so never mind)
May 12, 2009 7:03 PM | Reply | Permalink
I would respond to the ArchAngelMichael but he obviously is sending this from the mental institution.
Would someone please check with the staff and find out who's computer he broke into to write this.
It's funny - if you look at his cookies he's looked at the following sites:
all maleshitfest .com
adult diaperlove .com
boobies are neat.com
i hates everyone.com
win a new trailer.com
I love Cheney.com
I love Cheney.net
I love Cheney.biz
I love Cheney.info
torture info.com
This guy has a sick mind.
May 12, 2009 8:01 PM | Reply | Permalink
Satan?
Weaselly ass punk if you ask me...so he and Miss California are a match made in hell. ;-)
May 12, 2009 8:15 PM | Reply | Permalink
Hey, Satan, while you're at it, could you just put in a good word or two for the joyful good of torture? There are a whole bunch of people (mainly those who like Arugula) who think it goes against our country's basic precepts.
If you could just say how it works so well and give a few examples, I'm sure that some of your minions (Hannity and Limbaugh for example) would feel rejuvinated. Oh, and maybe you could send a lightening bolt at that Wanda Sykes person! I mean, hoping your second in command would get kidney failure!!!!
Wow! I am so relieved that no one brought back what Anne Coulter, (your brother) said about feeding Supreme Court Justices rat poison, for example.
Well, anyway, Keep The Faith, Satan! You are a great leader for the many who claim to believe quite otherwise, but you really know who the joke is on!
May 12, 2009 8:20 PM | Reply | Permalink
How the hell does one access the cookies of a commenter? Is this a joke? Hmmm. Maybe I shouldn't ask...
May 14, 2009 1:54 AM | Reply | Permalink