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My Anger Management Assignment Goes VERY - VERY wrong

September 8, 2009, 2:14AM

One of the take home assignments for my court ordered anger management course was to find useful articles to help de-stress your day. Well, wouldn't you know it; I came across this piece of garbage and had to "sprinkle" the idiot author with my opinions (in italics) of her "tips and tricks". Enjoy!

75 (or 20, whatever) Simple Pleasures to Brighten Your Day

A little trick I like to use to make my days much more pleasant is to ﬁnd little, simple pleasures and sprinkle them throughout my day. They're not big things, but they each simple pleasure can translate to a great day if you use them right.

1. Berries ... mmmm. Honestly - who the fuck talks like this? Either you're a child molester, or some schoolteacher named Anna or Tina who've long ago tucked away the last shred of femininity into the drawer, and pulled out a fresh pair of granny panties and mom jeans. You sicken me.

2. Walking barefoot in grass. Ya - if you want to get hookworm from all the dog poop and on top of pimply rashes at the infection site, you suffer a massive case of diarrhea, gastrointestinal bleeding, and blackened stools. Ya - so I'll pass on the disgusting barefoot walks if you don't mind.

3. Listening to good music in the car. OK - this one I can't ﬁnd too much wrong with. Except maybe it's total cheese-dick factor. But compared to the other turd-blossoms you've suggested so far - this one's a gem.

4. Taking a long, relaxing shower. Are you insinuating that you're jamming whatever is within reach up your gash? Because that's how it sounds. And while I'm normally all for wet-n-wild masturbatory action, the thought of the person who would recommend "berries, mmmmm" doing that has just made me uber flaccid.

5. Coffee. Oh, wow did you think of this one all on your own? I sure hope I can expect more pearls of wisdom like "coffee"! Fucktard.

6. A good novel. So I'm trying to brighten my day, and you tell me to curl up with a good book? Assuming my day needs brightening, (which if I'm reading your ignorant blather it does) why in the hell would I want to spend large quantities of the day (that you're supposed to be ﬁxing) silently reading to myself? WOW - do you have some cyanide tablets for me before I start?

7. Popcorn and an old movie on DVD. Ok, here's another ignorant idea. Old movies suck. Popcorn sucks. You suck.

8. The smell of fresh-cut grass. You want me to go out to my lawn and sniff it? You could have suggested I smoke some weed, or take a handful of opiates, but no - I'll just cure my depression by smelling grass. FUCK YOU!

9. Watching the sunrise. This might be the single dumbest thing anyone has said to me - EVER! This includes the retards at the learning annex who always want to slap high ﬁve and tell me about the poopie they made that day. Despite how mind numbing those conversations are, they are hundreds of times more intellectually gratifying than you telling me to burn my corneas off and "watch the god damned fucking sunshine".

10. Walking on the beach. That actually sounds fun, if I can carry a machete, hacksaw and shovel, and if you agree to come with me in the early morning hours.

11. A gentle morning run. You bitch. Have you ever run before? Not only are you guaranteed a side ache that makes you want to blow your brains out, most of us get that shortness of breath that makes the air feel like it's coated with broken glass. But hey, ya - I'll just wake up out of the coziness of my comforter, away from my hot wife's naked body, and start my day off ALL WRONG with a morning run. Again - I repeat. FUCK YOU.

12. Yoga or stretching or meditation. Ya, why didn't you recommend this one before the fucking run. So my muscles will be so torn up tomorrow from my "fun" run, that when I try to stretch I'll rip the tendon from the bone with minimal effort. Come here - I am going to poke you with this stick I found on my run.

13. Watching the sunset. Sorry, with my scorched corneas I can't see anything. But hey, thanks for suggesting an activity that brings even more damage to my eyes. Are you by chance related to Dick Cheney?

14. Hugging your child tightly. You are one sick bastard - you know that?

15. Good wine. That's it? Good wine? What - do I look at it, buy it, drink it, sniff it, pour it all over my sore muscles?

16. Dancing like you're crazy. I may kill you. Really? Dancing like I'm crazy? Are you trying to get me committed to a mental institution?

17. A long conversation with a good friend. Sure, that's what I want to do. Have a forced conversation with one of those ass-hats who pretend to be my friend. Why does it have to be long, just to make my life even more miserable?

18. Root beer ﬂoat. What am I - 8? Why don't you just suggest pop rocks and coke, or Laffy Taffy? Bite me. Seriously, bite me.

19. Getting a massage. Now this one might have merit. But I doubt you mean the kind they offer from the asian bathhouse down on highway 99. You probably mean the kind from one of those gargantuan swedish chicks with the huge noses - and who do massage just to "heal". You know what will heal me? The oiled hands of a hot asian jerking me after a nice hot oil massage. But hey - I'll take the actual therapeutic massage from the ugly chick - that's ﬁne too.

20. Telling jokes till your sides ache. I've got one. What happened to the stupid author of this post after all of her suggestions failed miserably. She died. HA HA HA HA. Actually - I am feeling better.

An Atheist praises the Lutheran Church for their courageous decision

August 22, 2009, 2:52AM

I've taken a break from writing because I find myself too angry about the insanity of the Republican party, the cowardice of many Democrats, the corruptness of Max F*ckus and most of the Senate (Please, Al Franken - stir some shit up. The Senate does not deserve nor should they receive any level of cordiality, politeness or respect).

But I'm still too angry to write about that - as I'd probably get kicked off for saying something objectionable. So it comes as a total surprise that I decide to write about an evangelical congregation. Normally, I tend to be extremely critical of Christianity. BUT - there are times when the church gets it exactly right. And this time, getting it right means facing an extreme backlash and the possibility of the loss of membership and in turn revenue.

As you may or may not know, members of the nation's largest Lutheran denomination, the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America made the brave decision to lift a ban prohibiting sexually active gays and lesbians from serving as ministers. Now, gays and lesbians who are in committed relationships will be allowed to serve as clergy. In my opinion - this is huge. As I said, there are those who are even now considering leaving the denomination or who are trying to funnel donations to more conservative congregations who refuse to accept this courageous decision.

I believe eventually this will be seen as the correct decision, and I can only hope that more denominations will follow suit. I sent a letter of support to the email address listed (copy below) and I encourage you to do the same.

I was recently asked the question whether conservative Christians had the right to support anti gay marriage initiatives based on their religious convictions. I said they had the right just as long as they would just as vocally support anti-miscegenation laws today since there is literally no difference. But then I realized just how many might just take me up on the offer - and I revised my answer to a simple "NO!". I don't have a stake in this fight - as I'm a happily married heterosexual man. I just have no doubt that our gay friends, neighbors, brothers, sisters, and now preachers didn't choose to be gay, any more than Carrie Prejean didn't choose to be an ignorant fool. Oh - wait.......

Letter to info@elca (Evangelical Lutheran Church of America) follows:

GOD BLESS YOU!!!
I start by letting you know that I'm an atheist and have always been the first to challenge the various faiths when I thought they made poor decisions. Needless to say - I challenged often. I'm also a happily married heterosexual man - so I don't have any personal interest in this decision other than what I believe is just and right.
But from time to time, a particular faith makes a decision or takes a stand on a difficult issue even in the face of criticism from within their own denomination.
Your decision to allow committed loving gay couples who are sexually active to serve as clergy is one of the finest examples of a church actually asking WWJD - and then actually having the courage to following through with it.
I believe there will be a backlash which will initially reduce your membership, and there may be times when you ask if you've made the right decision. I can only hope that you can stay the course and eventually others will follow. This is a civil rights issue - and a statement that people don't choose sexuality any more than they choose their race.
In the last eight years, the move toward a more conservative literal interpretation of the bible and the outspoken members of the "religious right" have made me even more certain in my own views. They have given me ammunition and a desire to fight for what I believe in. I know I am not alone, as can be seen by the highly successful books by atheist authors Sam Harris and Christopher Hitchens to name a few. If the goal was to convert the unconvinced, the skeptical or even the fervent non-believer, most churches did just the opposite.
I can guarantee you that this decision will bring many people to your congregation who are just as tired as I am of hypocrisy preached by many evangelical church leaders and their membership. You may even win over a few of those who were previously disgusted with what they saw as the mistreatment of our brothers and sisters of society - just because they were born different.
So - I will reiterate my original statement. From the bottom of my heart - GOD BLESS YOU!

A challenge to all Senators - ESPECIALLY BAUCUS

June 22, 2009, 7:20PM

Are you willing to give up that nice cushy free medical insurance you have and go into the free market as an individual purchaser?
Every pre existing condition wouldn't be covered
You would pay a lot of money for significantly reduced coverage
You would be forced to put your own family at risk
Many plans won't offer mental health coverage - no matter what the cost. Sorry David Vitter - you'll have to pay out of pocket for those "therapy" sessions.
Just do it for three or four months. Make sure you are very careful not to get injured or sick. Oh - and make sure you are VERY honest on that huge questionnaire they give you. One little white lie or omission will disqualify payment on whatever illness you have. That is of course unless you are too sick to even qualify - which many of you will find that you are.

At the very least you'll have a new appreciation for your free healthcare paid for by us.

MAX BAUCUS OR MAX F**K-US - FOLLOW THE MONEY TO FIND OUT

June 22, 2009, 5:03PM

Max Baucus top contributors - 2005 - 2010 (data from Opensecrets.org)

Well there it is folks. The reason Max Baucus will NOT allow a public option to be part of health care reform and therefore the reason reform will fail. A bill that doesn't include a public option will be the death of real reform for a long, long time. A plan without a public option would be weak and enemic, and the Republicans would be sharpening their forked tongues to collectively shout "We told you so". That will become their campaign slogans. We told you so? FU! You guys are only interested in ensuring your corporate masters are well fed so you can continue to suckle the teat of sweet sweet bribes - I mean campaign contributions and remain in power. Unfortunately for Progressives I think Max Baucus may be no different.

The table above shows his top five contributors. They are all either health care companies, or have direct ties through their investments to health care and pharmaceutical companies. A firm that invests heavily in health care probably doesn't want those firms to have to compete. This is of course the problem with our entire system of elections.

Why would the health insurance and pharmaceutical industry be so interested in Max Baucus? Has health care and big pharma all the sudden found a home in Montana? Why not Bernie Sanders? Oh - that's right - because he's the chair of the finance committee and he can make sure that when the public is screaming for reform - he can shut them up with a "It's not on the table". Well Max - guess what - it better be on the fucking table or you'll be out of a job. Any Democrat who stands in the way of this won't get voted back into office. It's black and white. Either we get a public plan - or you guys GET THE FUCK OUT.

Is it time to reconsider Freedom of Religion? Alienated children and dead 11 year old girl thinks so

June 18, 2009, 4:23PM

If you have read any of my previous writings you know I am an atheist. I personally believe that religion is extremely destructive and counterproductive to a happy life. And obviously - I believe that this life is the only one we get. That thought scares the hell out of many people - most of them Christian. There is a beauty in the brevity and urgency of a finite life. We have an extremely limited time to do some bit of good for future generations.

But there is nothing beautiful about a life that is wasted, or stolen. I just finished looking at how Jehovah's Witnesses treat former members of their cult. They are relentless in tearing families apart. Challenging the Watchtower's absurd positions (positions that have been debunked and thoroughly defy reason) means that you lose all friends and family still associated with the cult. What's particularly sad is the unnecessary persecution and ridicule these children face from classmates because they aren't permitted to celebrate - well anything. Their teachers are instructed that they must be removed when any sort of celebration takes place. Kids are cruel - and tend to pick on things that are different. There is no need to subject children to this, or to take away simple joys especially for no reason.They are indoctrinated at birth and fed propaganda by their parents and the con men in the Watchtower from the time they can understand language. They can't vote, hold public office or serve in the military. The cult demands obedience with their absurd customs. There are hundreds of normal positive activities they are forbidden from engaging in - and the only reason they can't experience these things is because they got the bad luck to get conned into this church.

But as disgusting as these things are - parents have the right to steal joy from their kids and have them waste what limited time they have here participating in this farce. Do I wish that were different - yeah - but it's not nor is it ever likely to be. But what should changed are the times when the lives of children are put at risk by the ignorance of religion. JW's don't corner the market here - although they have one absolutely rediculous practice of not allowing blood transfusions. There is a video on youtube where a young couple was told they had to give their baby a transfusion using their blood - or the baby would certainly die. They went to the window, looked into the sky and asked for God's wisdom. They felt God would want them to remain strong to their medically unsound and rediculous position. They told the Dr's that they would just have to trust God - but they would not give blood. These people were so brainwashed they would let their innocent baby die for religious doctrine? WTF? The State intervened and forced them to do it - or face a murder charge and they eventually complied. Then the church excommunicated them for breaking the rules!!!

And it's not just the fringe versions of Christianity that make me question whether religious freedoms need to be reconsidered in this Country. Good old fashioned "normal" Christians Dale & Leilani Neumann watched as their daughter got sicker and sicker and died from diabetes. They hadn't taken her to a Dr. in 8 years and as the visible signs of the disease ravaged their daughters health, they just thought that an invisible man in the sky would miraculously read their thoughts and heal their daughter. They loved a myth more than they loved their daughter. OK - yes I'm venting. I'm sure they honestly believed in their God - but should blind faith give them the right to steal the life of their daughter for their own beliefs?

Leilani just got convicted - but astoundingly no one thinks she'll face much - or any jail time. Why? Because they don't want to take a mother away from an already hurting family? Why should she be allowed contact with any child - ever? She should not. And why should a Christian white woman get any less of a sentence than the inner city black woman who is addicted to drugs and allows her child to die from neglect? I have much more sympathy for the person that's suffering from addiction than the person who makes a conscious choice to watch their daughter die because they are too proud to admit they might (and in my opinion are) be wrong.

A Pew Research poll shows that over half of all Americans change their religious affiliation at least once in their life - many more than once. By stealing the happiness of childhood - or the precious life of a child because you are certain your religion is 100% accurate is obscene and has no place in a civilized learned society. But we're not there yet.

Iranian citizens show America what you're supposed to do when an election is stolen. What were you doing after the 2001 hijacking of Democracy?

June 18, 2009, 12:17AM

I don't remember where I was in the days after the 2001 election. I know for sure I wasn't out in the streets protesting. I remember being angry - but angry like when a sports team I follow loses in the playoffs. Not angry like I would have been if I'd known George W would spend the next 8 years showering the World with torture and pestilence and taking a virtual hot carl right on our Constitution.

But in Iran they have an election that is flawed (most likely rigged), and instead of just running home to their TV's and the internet, and going to the mall and buying shit - the Iranian people come out to the street in unprecedented numbers to ensure that the Democratic process is fair and that their voices are heard. They even risk death from the Dick Cheney like police there.

Does anyone feel bad about the pathetic response we showed in 2001 when our election was stolen? I do. I'm voicing my own personal disgust with myself for not doing something.

I really believe that President Obama's victory has had a dramatic impact on the middle East already - and if the psychotic neocons of our Right Wing can keep their evil hands out of it - we just may have a road to peace in that region sooner than later. And it's the Iranian people who are showing me what it means to be a real citizen in a Democracy. Thank You - and GOOD LUCK!

Four random thoughts.

June 13, 2009, 1:55AM

Four random thoughts I've had this week.

Sarah Palin is ignorant. She has no business being the Governor of a State. After listening to her interview with Matt Lauer this morning, it's becoming increasingly apparent that she is dangerously unqualified for the job. If you listen to her carefully - you will realize that she knows it too. I mean - when you attend six colleges in order to get your bachelors degree you have to realize that you're an intellectual lightweight. And to do anything but turn down John McCain with a polite "Thank You but I'm really not qualified" makes her a coward. She didn't have the bravery to tell McCain just how foolish and ignorant she is.

The right wing just can't get it through their heads that it's their extremists that actually kill people. Sure - there are left wing extremists - and they do some property damage & throw fake blood on celebrities wearing fur, etc. - but the right wing nutjobs bring out their guns. I just saw a clip on Media Matters where Glen Beck makes a statement about getting out "our" guns. Go ahead Glenn. Keep it up. Everyone is starting to see how crazy and ignorant your side is. But the less power their party has - the louder the talking heads scream. Glenn Beck is dangerous. I used to think he was just crazy - but he's dangerous.

We are going to have to fight a lot harder if we're not going to let the insurance industry, corporate interests, and the many, MANY Senators who are in the pockets of the insurance industry ROB US OF OUR CHANCE FOR REAL healthcare reform. We will need to work as hard or harder than we did to get Obama elected. I know it sucks that there are so many weasels trying to steal this chance from us. We can't count on the Republicans. But we must put IMMENSE pressure on every Democrat. If they won't support a public option, we must ASSURE THEM WE WILL MAKE SURE THEY DON'T GET RE-ELECTED. And we must make sure we follow through. Get on board - or GTFO!

When this Country was created - do you think the founders meant for a Senate seat to be a position you kept for life? What happened to representative government? These fuckers seem so concerned with re-election they sell out the American people in order to get there. Guess what fucktards - YOU'RE NOT THAT IMPORTANT. I repeat - you may feel like you are - but you're just not that big of a deal. Get out of the way and let progress happen.

Ashamed of myself - a formal retraction and apology about my extremist global warming post

June 5, 2009, 10:16PM

I wrote a post that advocated for the jailing and execution of global warming deniers. If any of you have read my former posts - I may get very angry sometimes - but I truly don't want for anyone to die. I'm vehemently against the death penalty - and do my best to respect all forms of life.

My intention was not to wish imprisonment or execution of global warming skeptics. I am not a trained writer (I hear your collective "no shit sherlock" loud and clear) - and was not able to get my point across. That point is now irrelevant because I did true harm to this site, as well as the cause of global warming research. It's hard enough for respected scientists to battle Fox News ability to provide mass misinformation on the subject - they didn't need the extremist language in my post riling up conservatives. My original point was to combat what I considered an extreme (denying global warming) with another extreme (my ill conceived jailing and ... - well you know). A good writer would have found a better way to make their point without the threat of violence. I find the thought of being locked up for your views truly disgusting and disturbing as well. The whole post was ill conceived, poorly written - and not representative of who I am. But I did write it - and I take full responsibility for it.

This post was linked to many conservative sites before Josh could take it down, and I was even included as the subject of a Washington Examiner article. Wow - I'd reached the big time!! But I had been compared to an extremist abolitionist and the murderer of an abortion doctor. And sadly I didn't have much room to argue based on how my post was taken. Someone asked me how my language was any different from an extremist anti-abortionist calling for the murder of abortion doctors. While my intention was certainly different, the tone was not.

Some of the global warming skeptics actually had reasonable arguments against my extremist position, pointing out that science is ever evolving and changing. One in particular (I can't find it now - but it was well written) showed how throughout history scientific consensus have been overturned by new evidence - and that we should never stifle true scientific inquiry. This definitely made me think and further realize I was wrong in my approach. For those of you wishing to be thoroughly informed about the issue by a true master, I humbly direct them to the great potholer54 on youtube and his extremely reasoned scientific look at the issue. You will be glad you did.

What was truly disgusting though were the right wing vultures who pounced upon the story like it was a piece of rotting flesh (a good analogy for the post). They quote mined the story - picking out only the part about jailing and murdering people who don't agree with you and made sure it looked like Josh himself approved the article. Many of them insinuated (or just stated) that the post was written by the staff at TPM. They knew full well that the site allows anyone to post a blog - but they tried to drag the site through the mud because it wasn't pulled quick enough. One of the things I regret most is a comment on red-alerts.com who said that my post was just another reason to stock up on ammunition. Again - I know you don't know me - but the thought that my post made even one more lunatic on the right consider further arming themselves makes me sick and I question whether I should continue to write. As you can see from some previous posts - I push the envelope with people on the right and with evangelical Christians as well. I certainly hope I have never given the impression that I wish harm or violence to any person or group. I may (and do) vehimently disagree on some big issues - but I want everyone to live a healthy happy life.

As I thought about what to write - I wanted to post without throwing too many jabs at the right. I hope I have succeeded in that endeavor - it was not easy. There are many things that separate the views of progressives from the views of conservatives (and especially neo-conservatives). But one thing I think our side does much better is admit when we're wrong. I don't remember the last time someone on the right offered a sincere apology for some of the vile viewpoints they project onto our World. I'm not talking about offering a half hearted generically written apology when a sponser threatens to pull out due to public outrage - but an honest "You know what - I was wrong" apology. It would honestly make me listen to their viewpoint more if I knew they were introspective enough to question their own views and admit when they've made a mistake. I've taken this experience as an opportunity to do just that. I have concluded that although I think I'm right in my progressive World view - I can always do more homework and look at the true facts - and maybe examine the views of the other side for validity before I completely make up my mind. If anyone takes anything from this retraction - I hope it's that.

In conclusion - I'd like to offer my thanks to Josh Marshall for the second chance he's given me. He had no reason to allow me to post here - and in fact it was probably in his best interests to suspend my account permanently. He gave me some advice that I truly value and will do my best to heed it. I promised to abide by the terms of service - and to think before I hit save. Josh - thank you for taking a chance and for allowing me to continue to post here.

I am sorry.

The Insolent Braggart

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The Insolent Braggart

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Location Trapped in the box under Sean Hannity's bed - it's WAY scarier than you would think
Party Ya - you know where I could score some high milligram Ibuprofen around here?
Politics Progressive. I'd say liberal - but I just hate the god damned lazy hippies so much. Do you need to stink on top of being a drain on society? Jesus. But I'd literally take hanging out with a bunch of hippies every day - drenched in petrulie oil (we know it's to cover up the fact you don't use deoderant) than have to listen to the bile being spewed out of the mouths of the idiot neo-cons. And I'd listen to a neo-con talk about how we need to go to war with canada to protect ourselves from their metric system all day than have to watch a conservative Christian raise his arms during church and start pretending to talk to god by speaking in tongues, then having a fucking fake seizure and falling to the ground.

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Favorite Blogs talking points huffington dagblog mike malloy
Favorite Books The bible Letter to a Christian Nation The Shock Doctrine Unhinged by Michelle Malkin ( I laughed so hard reading this book - and I thought asians were supposed to be smart!)
Favorite Quotes Those Who Sacrifice Liberty For Security Deserve Neither - Benjamin Franklin God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God? -Epicurus If life deals you lemons, why not go kill someone with the lemons (maybe by shoving them down his throat). - Deep Thought - Jack Handey

Bio

I'm a pretty (OK, very) vocal critic of the Bush administration I figure I can still talk about them until they are either brought to justice, or until our Country has wiped the stain of blood and shame away. I have an equal distaste for the Christian right wing, and for the right wing talkers that permeate the airwaves like vermin or cockroaches.

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