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Camel Thongs Dont Cut the Mustard
(A Western fable)
Lookee here Mister Chief Native, Ill trade you guns and firewater for the land you call Gusher Canyon. You know which area I mean, where we put up those oil derricks years ago.
Sorry, today is a Sacred Day, all praise to Mother Bear.
Look, screw a bunch of Sacred Days, well throw in fifty aisles worth of jeans. Your daughters will love em, especially the low hippers sos their little belly buttons can get some air.
Not possible, today is sacred day, bless brother antelope.
All right, for Christ sake, youre killing us. Well give you guns, firewater, three Wal Marts of enticing jeans, a gross of Estee Bauder nipple and labia piercing Pierce-o-matic Pro Guns, ten tattoo parlors fully equipped and an eras long subscription to Rap music from both the Dysfunction Is Me and Misogyny Rocks labels. And you get bison and camel thongs. Camel thongs from Allahs Little Secret label in every color under the sun. Now do we have a deal?
Today is Sacred. All praise our ancestors.
Praise your arse. Ill be back tomorrow. Were not going away, you know that.
Tomorrow is a sacred day.
Up your sacred days.
Everyday is a sacred day, kneel and bow to the East.
Bullshit on your every day is a sacred day horse pucky. You can stick Mother Bear you know where. Theres something you guys want and Im gonna find out what.
Everyday is a sacred day. However.....
Yes, yes sacred, totally sacred, but however what? You son of a sacred snake, however what? What is it youre considering?
Well, remember that line of fissionable material you showed me.... maybe just one more little peek.
Tex, help, we done got us a problem. Were gonna be here til the cows come home and listen to me for once, jeans and camel thongs are not cuttin the mustard.
"Bubba, shut your trap with the mustard bullshit. These fucks don't eat hot dogs. Even I know that."
Labels: fear is politics, kill the savages, mideast oil, nuclear aspirations