Way Down Yonder
(A Country/Western Song)
Did you ever stop to ponder
What the people way down yonder
In the southern U.S. do when they get bored?
It’s really quite a wonder
When the sky is filled with thunder
And the glass of old Jack Daniels has been poured.
Whether sittin’ in the front yard,
Fryin’ somethin’ up with lard
Or leanin’ on that tree down by the creek
They ain’t been workin’ very hard,
Just waitin’ to get that big reward
For turnin’ Uncle Billy in last week.
Cousin Mary’s knocked up again
We don’t know how ‘cause she ain’t been
No where but here at home with Ma and Pa.
We been learnin’ a lot ‘bout sin
And about the weakness among men
From Preacher Jones and re-runs of Hee Haw.
Now I ain’t really one to lie
So I can tell you by and by
I think there just might be some Hell to pay
If it’s true that when we die
We see that man up in the sky
And stand there for our final judgement day.
Well, I gotta go now. Thanks a lot
Down by the still, I heard a shot
Or maybe it just blew another line
The fire under that brewing pot
Can sometimes just get too damn hot
The way it did way back in ninety-nine.
So Y’all come down to see us, hear?
If that line ain’t fixed, we’ll have a beer.
And talk about them Yankees way up north.
‘Bout how the south will rise and cheer
Hell, we’ll butcher up a steer
And barbecue just like it’s July fourth.
I hope you like my little song
I don’t know if it’s right or wrong
But it’s the honest truth, I do declare.
And I suspect before too long
If we don’t weaken and we stay strong
We’ll get them kids some brand new shoes to wear.
So long now and now you know
When y’all are freezin’ in all that snow
What we down here in Alabama do.
Uncle Billy and Luke and Joe
Well, they just have six months to go
And they’ll be home with Cousin Mary too.
By then that baby should be born
And Pa’ll be sufferin’ old Ma’s scorn
And Thunder Road will be alive again.
We’ll be plantin’ new crops of corn
We’re stealin’ cable so we’ll have porn
I hope we don’t wind up back in the pen.
Who’s that drivin’ down the way?
Uh oh is all I’ve got to say.
There’s blinkin’ lights and sirens everywhere!
I guess it’s fin’ly time to pay
Maybe THIS is judgement day
Man, that cop’s big as a grizzly bear!
Bye Bye now that’s all she wrote
I’m just grabbin’ my hat ‘n’ coat
And runnin’ through the woods toward the lake.
Watch out Mr. Billy goat
If I can make it to my boat
I’ll leave them cops behind me in my wake.
I hear gunshots, but they missed me
And now I’m driftin’ out to sea
I’m really gonna miss my southern roots.
I guess I’ll be all I can be
And sign up for the infantry
At least I’ll have some brand new combat boots.
Then off to Baghdad I will fly
I sure will miss Ma’s apple pie
But life will be complete simplicity.
I’m used to bullets flyin’ by
And real men ain’t supposed to cry
Heck, we ain’t never had ‘lectricity.
So I’ll be fine and I won’t quit
I ain’t worried a little bit
As long as George and Dick are in command.
‘Cause my job’s guaranteed legit
For me and my entire outfit
Can spend the next decade out in the sand.
