Really, I posted earlier and need you to keep that post alive to save my Puppy, Spot.

Brian

Dear Indiana and North Carolina: Little Spot needs your help. Now, to be honest, I really think that the devisiveness Hillary Clinton has stirred up in past two months is a perfect example of what 4 years of her Presidency will be like. Only 4 years because people will be so disgusted by the bitterness she brings to Washington D.C. she won't be re-elected. But anyway, I had a dream about my poor little puppy, Spot. Even though I'm an Obama supporter, the dream made it clear he's in jeopardy if Clinton doesn't win in Indiana and North Carolina. The city is getting ready to pave my street and if Clinton doesn't win the dream told me that my puppy is destined to run out in front of an asphalt roller. He will be crushed, flattened, turned into a Puppy Pancake! So, even though there aren't any good reasons to support Hillary Clinton's brand of divisive, bitter, politics, please vote for her so that Spot might live!

How much time have you spent "offline" today? Try it? Start with an hour today and work your way up over the next few weeks. Don't let this campaign turn us all into zombies with bluish tans from the glow of our computer screens.

Dogwoods are blooming in my yard, and azaleas. Two Robins were bathing in my birdbath yesterday.  What about where you live?

     If you recall that Black and White classic, the Creature is actually not all that swift or agile on land.  In the water, it's a different story.  He is caputured, escapes, and eventually, is smitten with Kay, and drags her to the swampy lair where he is master.
     This is where the Obama/Clinton contest seems to have arrived. Both were political "beings" perfectly happy and effective in their own environments. Then Senator Obama disrupted the realm of Senator Clinton's inevitablity.  Like Creature, she'd never had her Power challenged this way.  She could not flourish in his new politics of hope landscape much like Creature can not thrive out of water. His only hope is to return to the swamp. What's more, he thinks his happiness also depends on dragging Kay with him. Hillary Clinton has followed this same strategy. Unable to operate under the tone of the new politics Barack Obama established, Clinton has decided her only option is to drag him into the swamp.  So, what voters get to see for weeks and months two Democrats fighting it out in the swamp.
     Here's the cautionary part. In the movie, of course, Kay is liberated. Hurray, except the fact is she's been tainted by Creature and the swamp. Can anyone ever look at her the same again? And what of Creature? Our last vision of him is his fall back into the dark water. Can we possibly really feel good  that he's been obliterated with bullets and a knife to the heart, when all he wants is to be loved?  Of course, Hillary could re-write the ending right now if she wanted to.

     She said jobs jobs jobs on that tv comersial on tv last nite. She wants to give us jobs. My son said she shot a gun in Pensylvanya. They say she got blue colored workers to vote for her in there too. I don't know how many there are, but it sounded like blue colored workers are importent. The tv said it was and that O'Bama can't get them.I think she said it too along with the tv. We have blue colored workers here I think but maybe they work at nite because I don't see none in the day. But the tv says we got them. You'd think blue would notice itself in the light.
     Anyway, I admit I dont know alot, but I keep up with the tv and watch all the comersials and read the fliers in from my mail. So at first I thought I would vote for the O'Bama guy because alot of tv said it. But lately since Hilary got sad about losing now tv is saying we should vote for her. And she said jobs jobs jobs on the comersial last nite. Thats why Im voiting for Hilary Clinten

Dear TPM Readers:
I admit to having been a Barack supporter, but I'm reconsidering.  Tonight, I was inspired by Senator Clinton's "win" speech. Despite the fact it is nearly impossible for her to garner enough elected delegates to win the nomination, and despite the fact that every day she stays in the race Senator Clinton does damage to the Democratic Party's chances of winning the Presidency, I'm attracted by her closing arguments that she will bomb the hell out of Iran, that she will avenge Pearl Harbor, and that she will show this country, finally,  how continued war will be good for the country. I think too, that she is showing us what an amazing public service she is performing by pressing Obama.  Three cheers. So, I'm left to conclude "vote for Hillary" even though I know Obama will be a much better President.

AP--Key West, FL: Acting on a tip that Hillary Clinton plans to behave and live as President of the United States even if she is not elected, authorities this morning raided the same hangar NASA used to fake the moon landings.      Though details are sketchy, sources say the hangar contained a number of movie-like sets, including an oval office replica and a UN podium.  Documents found on site indicate that Senator Clinton plans to live inside the hangar where she will conduct Presidential business simultaneous to the actual President.  After four years, the documents say, she plans to run unapposed for re-election to the faux Presidency.   Members of Clinton's Cabinent are to include Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny, however both were unavailable for comment at press time.

I'm very concerned about Hillary Clinton's debt and want to help her. She has managed her money so badly I'm afraid that she will be too deep in debt when she figures out that she is not going to be the Democratic Nominee. Won't you help her? Let's forgive her terrible management skills, and in a way, her awful campaign leadership has spared us her taking those terrible qualities into the White House. So, let's thank her by each sending her one Dollar. 

From the Smallton Desperation Daily Journal:

by Tab Lloyd
     Late Sunday night, sources revealed that John McCain accepted Hillary Clinton's offer to run on her ticket as her Vice-President.  "And Senator Clinton has agreed to be my Vice President" McCain is reported to have said after speaking with Hillary Clinton. "I'm so pleased that she has done all the dirty work by throwing false attacks at Senator Obama. I couldn't say no to her offer and felt obligated to ask if she'd run with me as the new 'Dream Team.'  When you get down to it, we think so much alike. We both love war and deficit spending for example."  As proof Senator McCain cited detailed examples where both he and Senator Clinton have voted for war, in addition to outrageous budgets. 
      On background, an insider strategist confirmed the back-channel conversations with the McCain campaign.  "Hillary and John have agreed," the insider said, "that Obama is just too earnest in his desire to begin a new conversation in Washington. Both sides agree, we need to keep the conversation about welfare and tax cuts and leave it at that," the source said. "Obama's rational approach won't work. Hillary and John agree that American's aren't smart enough to change course in a more positive an logical direction. If they were, half of the Senate and three-quarters of the House would get voted out in November (serious laugh by the quoted)."
   When asked when they would go public, both camps said they would wait for the results of the Pennsylvania campaign.  "A win of  Pennsylvania by 1%," the Clinton strategist said, "will prove that Obama's massive lead in state and popular vote wins don't matter. We will march on. The entire country knows that how Kentucky goes, so goes the Nation."
      When contacted for comment, the Obama campaign would only say "Senator Clinton, then wife of candidate Bill Clinton, supported her husband despite her knowledge of the devestating flaws that nearly brought the Presidency to its knees.  Today, Senator Clinton also knows that Senator Barack Obama will enter the Presidency with a clear conscience and more focus on the needs of the country.  But, that doesn't matter because she really, really wants to be President."   
  

by Tab Lloyd

Smallton, Pa: In a wide ranging interview with the Smallton Desperation Daily Journal, Senator Hillary Clinton today said that if she wins the Democratic Nomination for President, she will not only run a vigorous campaign against John McCain, she will simultaneously ask him to be her running mate.  "It'll be a win win situation," said Clinton. 
    When asked if she thought her plan might enrage Democratic voters, the Junior Senator from New York replied quickly. "Look, I want to be President very, very badly. With McCain on my ticket I can't lose. And I've learned a great deal from Joe Liberman.  Democrats don't need Democratic votes to win."  Senator Lieberman is the "Independant Democrat" Connecticut Senator who famously lost his Senate Primary but then ran anyway, poaching enough Republican votes from the Republican candidate to win his seat against the Democratic challenger.
    "What I've learned from this whole process," Clinton said, "is that I can't win if this primary election is about who Democrats prefer. I think I'm showing the country how much I want to be President by trying to destroy Barack Obama while at the same time reaching out to Senator McCain to be my Vice President."
     When thanked for taking time out on a Sunday for the interview, and for missing church services, Senator Clinton replied, "Oh, church, um, right. Yes, I am very religious and it was a, um, very difficult decision to be here instead of um, in the pew, um, of your local church. It was difficult, you know, to balance my desire to be President, you know, with, um, my deep faith in being President."
    "You mean God," I responded at that point.
     Laughs. "Oh, gosh, yes, Him. I also like beer and guns and John McCain."

    When asked for comment, Senator McCain's spokesperson, Viola Agra, said, "Senator McCain appreciates the support of every Democrat, including Senators Lieberman and Clinton."

The full interview of our interview with Senator Clinton will appear in the Monday morning edition of the Smallton Desperation Daily Journal.

Except, vote for Barack Obama and let's get this over with.

Smallton, PA:  Today, prosecutors made public a 54 count indictment against one of the 77 magic talking cows that just this week endorsed Hillary Clinton.  The indictments of this magic talking cow center around the accusation that the cow has secretely been importing her milk from China and passing it off as her own.
   It's unclear how Clinton's association with the magic talking cow will impact the campaign.  Clinton herself has not commented but her campaign released the following statement: Senator Clinton met this magic talking cow when she was eight-years-old.  Senator Clinton has denounced the actions of the magic talking cow and has returned the three wishes recently granted by said cow. To be clear, the senator does not believe that her childhood association with this magic talking cow should be an issue in the campaign. She trusts the people of Pennsylvania and America to understand that one cannot be held accountable for the actions of every magic talking cow one meets in one's life.
   

Smallton, PA-- The Clinton campaign announced today that 77 Talking Guernsey Cows will stand before microphones at 5 p.m. ET with a collective endorsement of her candidacy for the Democratic Nomination. "Many of these cows are from small Pennsylvania towns," said Clinton spokesperson, Notta Chanse.
    Besides being gifted with the ability to speak, these Guernsey cows are also known for their ability to grant three wishes to anyone who milks them, something that the Clinton campaign feels will come in handy. 
     "You know," Clinton herself said today, "I feel really good about getting the Guernsey cow endorsement. After my father taught me to shoot guns, we went out to the barn, threw back a Boilermaker, and then he taught me how to milk a cow." 
    When asked if she thought the endorsement would make any difference as to who will be the Democratic Nominee, Chanse responded.  "Look, we're certain that if enough magic talking cows come out for Senator Clinton, she will be the next President of the United States. If the magic cows don't show up at the polls, we understand the math, and Mrs. Clinton will step aside to write a book about the campaign, hopefully with an advance large enough to pay our outstanding bills and all my back salary."

I grew up on foodstamps and government cheese. I'm an elitist. My mother raised us on tips from her job at Denny's. I'm an elitist. I put myself through college by working at a grocery store. I'm an elitist. I used my education to become a college professor. I'm an elitist. I've lived in apartments all my adult life, and now, at 41, have finally purchased my first home. I'm an elitist. My mother and stepfather just came to visit me for the first time since I left California. We played Hearts and watched the Evening news. I'm an elitist. I'm voting for Barack Obama. I'm an elitist.

Excuse my denseness, but my parents visited me for a week and then my boyfriend just moved to Chicago, so I've been distracted. But today I was listening to NPR and I heard Senator Clinton call Senator Obama an elitist, and I thought, is she really still doing that kitchen sink thing? Is she really still tearing down the eventual Democratic Nominee?  Is she really still putting herself ahead of the party? I mean, I love a fighter, and I'm sure her supporters are getting some thrills from the fact she's doing her Don Quixote imitation, but as a Democractic Party loyalist, I find her willingness to attack at this late date in the nomination process to be nothing short of disgusting. You may quote me: Hillary Clinton's quixotic run for the Democratic nomination has moved from being sad to willfully disgusting. It is the Democratic Party, not the Hillacratic Party.