How can David Letterman apologize to the family of Willow Palin in a manner befitting the circumstances?

While I don't agree with the Palins that Letterman's joke was aimed at Willow Palin--I'm certain that the target was Bristol who is now of legal age--but it was a clumsy attempt at humor and the writers should probably steer away from Bristol, as well. But, the Palins have never been ones to ease up on the feigned outrage if they can find some benefit to themselves or their party. So, David probably should apologize and I think I see a way that not only expresses his remorse but also turns this unfortunate incident around and ends up with a positive and productive outcome.

Consider the following. According to the 2005 statistics gathered by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence:

• · The Alaska rape rate is 2.5 times the national average.
• · Child sexual assault in Alaska is almost six times the national average.
• · Alaska has the highest rate per capita of men murdering women.
• · Almost 30% of Alaskans were not able to access victim services or encourage others to do so because there were no services available in their area at the time.

I would encourage David Letterman to contribute a large sum to the Alaska Network on Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault (http://www.andvsa.org). Here is ANDVSA's info:

   The Network is a non-profit membership organization that is composed of 21 programs across Alaska. The 21 programs provide victim services for domestic violence and sexual assault, offender services, and crisis intervention services. The Network exists to promote communication and information sharing between programs across the state and to expose and eliminate interpersonal violence in the lives of Alaskan victims.

Forgive me if this is too subtle. It's hard to be over-the-top when parodying the right anymore.

The Republican party chimes in on the White House's reaction to the swine flu outbreak:

Rep. Michelle Bachmann: "I'm concerned that this president is using the reports of a few isolated cases of swine flu in some other country to justify rounding up U.S. citizens and herding them into concentraion camps under the guise of forced innoculations against this disease. There's no reason for people in this country to be afraid of a disease that only infects pigs. The fact that the CDC is hyping this as some sort of a public health menace underscores the danger in allowing that organization to exist. The Republican party wanted to de-fund the CDC, but Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid blocked us from doing that. I strongly encourage the American people to arm themselves to the teeth, not with weapons of course but with information that my office will provide, to fend off any attempts by this president to use this insignificant health matter as an excuse for taking away all of their freedoms."

Glenn Beck: "Am I mistaken or is Swine Flu one of the plagues that the ancient Egyptians used against the Jews? Could this be just one of several plagues that the Pharaoh Obama will unleash against the American people? I..I..fear for my country. I...<sniffle>...don't want to see MY country...<sob>...consumed by the pestilence of this president's Islamo-fascist communist Muslim agenda and the diseases that it will unleash."

Rush Limbaugh: "Here it is, folks. The nanny government is going to move in and tell you that you have to go get shots with dangerous vaccines against some made-up disease. 'Swine flu? Swine flu?' That was something that Jimmy Carter made up back in the 70s to try to distract everyone from his foreign policy disasters and blowing up the economy. There's no such thing, folks. It's a joke. And, even if there was, if you choose to live in a place where some disease from Mexico can come into your neighborhood and infect you and your family, you only have yourself to blame for it. For anyone that dumb, I say 'tough luck.' You should have known better. Stop looking for the government to save you from yourself."

Sen. Mitch McConnell: "I'm not sure we need to be spending money on disease prevention right now when we've got a massive deficit. Spending taxpayer dollars to stop some Mexican disease is going to put a heavy burden on our children and grandchildren for decades to come. This is not the right time to be throwing money at a minor health problem. America has the best health care system in the world and I have faith that it can easily handle a few cases of the flu. If anything, we should be taking a careful look at this and dealing with it in Congress in a bi-partisan manner. There's much to discuss and I welcome that discussion with all of the members of both houses of Congress in the coming months. But, there's a lot on the congressional agenda right now and it will have to wait until more important issues have been cleared from our plate."

Sen. John Cornyn: "It could take years and years. And years."

Former Sen. Norm Coleman: "I can wait."