Should Obama Squeeze Cheney's Balls To Get Healthcare Through?


Looks like Obama's finally starting to play realpolitik.

Since the Republicans seem to be feeling frisky about taking on the president over health care, I guess Obama's got no choice but to go forward with the DOJ's torture investigation.

I mean, the evidence is piling up that the Bush administration broke the law and is guilty of war crimes. Obama didn't want to investigate...he wanted to look forward, not backward...but, well, what can he do? His hands are tied. This is Holder's call. The man's a professional. He can't look the other way when there's this much evidence of wrong-doing.

God knows, he'd really like to help the outgoing administration, but, you know, even Bush had to throw Scooter Libby overboard to keep the sharks at bay.

I don't know.

The thing is, we've got some legislation we'd really like to get passed. Getting entangled in a long, drawn-out investigation of the Bush administration isn't in anybody's best interest.

I don't know.

Maybe if you guys could call off your goons on this healthcare thing, I don't know, maybe the president could see what he can do to, you know, slow down the investigation. Or keep the focus off the higher-ups who put the torture regime into place. Draw the thing out, obfuscate the issues a little bit, you know, bore people to death with legal higglety-piggley. Throw a little dirt in the umpire's face.

You know what I mean.

And you could still do your bread and butter stuff, with the birth certificate and the socialism and the waving-your-guns-around.

I don't know. I mean, I don't know how much suction you Bush guys even have with the Republican Party anymore. I mean, with Michael Steele running the show, whew; who can control that brilliant son of a bitch? Maybe you can't stop Limbaugh and Beck and Hatch and Boehner, either. To say nothing of Sarah the Barracuda. They might all want to throw you under the bus even more than we do.

But look. Reach out to your people. See if there might be somebody over there who might like to talk. We know you're planning to squeeze the Blue Dogs - and God knows there's nothing those boys like better than gnawing on steak bones from the money table.

But we've got a way of dealing with the Blue Dogs, too. They want to vote like Republicans, well, let 'em see how they like running as Republicans in '10. Cuz it's like your boy said: You're either for us or against us. And if they f*ck us on this, believe me: we're gonna f*ck them so hard their grandmothers will feel it.

But, like I said, nobody wants to go nuclear over this thing. There might still be some wiggle room. Nobody wants to see an ex-president and vice president of the United States of America being frog-marched off to some war crimes tribunal in The Hague. Where the hell is The Hague, anyway? In Europe someplace? Jeez. Nobody wants that.

And getting healthcare for everybody, getting rid of pre-existing conditions, setting up a government-run plan to compete with the insurance companies...that really would be nice. For everybody. I mean, what the hell do you care? You'll still have more money than God. And Obama's put his ass on the line for this stuff.

So maybe we can work something out.

I don't know. Maybe not. Maybe I'm being overly optimistic, to think that Republicans might listen to reason, at this late date.

But you know Obama and Hope. With him, that shit springs eternal.

With me, not so much. But now that we've got Bush and Cheney's balls in a vice, do I think maybe we can reach a, what do the lawyers call it? A mutually beneficial compromise?

Yes we can.

Death Panels and the Mysterious "They."


When John Kerry's patriotism was attacked, we said, "Oh, nobody's gonna believe that."

When they said Obama isn't an American citizen, we said, "Oh, nobody's gonna believe that."

Well, in a rational world, that may have been true.

But what some Democrats are missing is the extent to which people are under stress and believe themselves to be oppressed by a mysterious "They."

Progressive people seem to make a distinction between the public and private sector. Regular people, not so much. It's not the government who routinely sneaks false charges onto our phone bills. But the corporation who owns the phone company does. It's not the government that seduces us into buying credit cards and then jacks up the interest rates. But the politically-connected credit card companies sure do. We are surrounded by corrupt institutions, constantly preying on us. And whatever "reform" the government enacts always seems bought and paid for by all these other powerful institutions. This is the environment in which we live. The "government" just seems like a corrupt extension of the real power structure. So it's easy to believe that there's a death panel that is going to deny us care when we are old. They deny us care now, when we are not old. So why wouldn't they cut us off for good when we are old? 

Life has been getting harder in the United States of America. Yes, you and I know it is because of a war on the middle class, started in the Reagan administration.

But we, the people who are under attack don't see the government as a knight in shining armor that is going to save us. One of the biggest burdens people have, especially people who are self-employed, is the huge, unfair amount we pay in taxes. The government doesn't seem to give a shit when a person who makes $33,000 a year cannot cough up the $10,000 the government claims is its cut. In an environment like this, when people are besieged on all sides, it is easy to believe that They are out to get us.  And They is all those insiders who seem to know how to make the system work for them - and against us. They are the bankers who are given trillions when they screw up on Wall Street. They are owners of giant corporations who manipulate the laws to enrich themselves. They are the corporations themselves, who put us on hold for hours at a time when we call to complain about how we are treated. They are the insurance companies that turn us down for coverage because of some pre-existing condition. And They are the government bureaucrats who have sold out to these money interests.

This is why the Democrats cannot seem to mount a populist movement. The Party of the People is out of touch with the people. Democrats understand that the government is a well-meaning check on corporate greed - the billions of dollars in campaign contributions that fund the system not withstanding. Democrats understand that the government is trying its best in difficult times, under severe financial restraints. Democrats understand that the government was hijacked by the Republicans and turned into an arm of corporate America.

But us poor dumbfucks out here, all we understand is that there seems to be one giant conspiracy afoot to impoverish and enslave us. Government, corporations, institutions, the news media - they all seem to be in on it.

So when we hear that there are going to be death panels that will refuse us medical treatment at the end of our lives and dress it up in a fancy word like euthanasia, that sounds all-too plausible. The fact that it is false does not matter. They said there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. That was false, but it didn't stop them from going ahead with their trillion dollar war. If They're not gonna screw us one way, They're sure as hell gonna screw us some other way. That's the world we live in.

Is it irony or tragedy that Republicans seem to understand - and manipulate - this feeling better than Democrats? I don't know. You tell me.

But it would be nice if Democrats weren't always dumbfounded when they hear that people don't trust the government. There are some very, very good reasons why we don't see the government as being on our side.

Obama's Budweiser Healthcare Strategy Is a Bust.


Gatesgate just gets worse and worse.
First, Obama lets a minor incident turn into a major distraction from healthcare reform.
Now he thinks he's being clever by claiming that he'll be drinking a Bud when the fellas get together for that beer-drinking group hug at the White House.
Doesn't this just sum up his go-along to get-along approach to the healthcare debate? Instead of staking out a position and sticking to his guns, he thinks he can get his Blue Dog adversaries to like him by...pretending to drink shitty beer?
Obama's Budweiser Healthcare Strategy is a bust. It's signals weakness. 
No doubt, lots of people drink Budweiser.
But none of them brag about it. They drink it because it's cheap and it has something called "Drinkability" - which means you can drink a six-pack and still operate a remote.
Drinking Bud is like watching TV. Sure, millions of people watch TV. Not a single person would think of lisingt it as a "hobby" on a job application.
What is it about Democrats, supposedly the "People's Party," that they have such a problem connecting with average people? That they have to pretend to drink Budweiser to burnish their regular-guy bona fides?
Surely nobody needs healthcare reform more than us Budweiser-drinking, working-class Bubbas. With our high blood pressure, maxxed-out credit cards, job insecurity and pre-existing conditions, we are the most vulnerable to being dropped by for-profit insurance companies. The most likely to lose our jobs, as well as our health insurance. Yet president Arugula cannot seem to make a more convincing case for reform than people who question whether he's even an American citizen and who swap photo-shopped images of him with a bone in his nose.
What us regular guys respect is toughness. We know the odds are against us. We don't like to be bull-shitted. We don't like a guy who starts out saying Single Payer makes the most sense and ends up backing down even on whether there's gonna be some anemic public option. When the president of the United States comes into our living rooms brandishing a bottle of Bud, we smell a rat. We didn't buy Poppy Bush's pork rinds and we don't buy Obama's Budweiser. JFK woulda shown up at one of these photo-ops with a $100 bottle of Sam Adams Utopia and a couple of chilled mugs to pour the other guys a taste of the good stuff.
You wanna be our friend, Mr. President? Get us a health care bill that doesn't allow insurance companies to drop us because we've been swilling Budweiser for 25 years. Much better to swagger into the White House with a nice Oatmeal Stout than to prance around with a bottle of Bud and give in to these sleazebags. Let the sleazebags insult our intelligence. That's what they do. That's what we expect of them. You want to be on our side, Mr. President? Go in there and tell those guys that they're drinking pisswater and that the American people deserve a premium beer - and premium health care.

Obama Needs To Ask Us For Help


I see that president Obama is doing another Town Hall meeting on health care reform, today in North Carolina. While I admire the president's dedication to bringing the case for reform to the public, I worry that he is making the mistake of assuming a level playing field, on which a good faith effort on behalf of legislation that makes rational sense is all that is required to win.

That would be a nice world to live in. Unfortunately it's not the one we do live in. The world we live in is infested with highly-paid lobbyists and interest groups who are doing all they can, in cooperation with the mainstream media, to obfuscate the issues and make it impossible for reform to happen. Instead of pretending that these snakes don't exist, the president should be actively shining a light on them and asking for our help in cutting their heads off.
What is lacking in the healthcare reform - an issue that 76% of all Americans support - is passion. Most of us are sitting back, waiting for the inevitable victory of politics as usual. But what if the president got out if front of the issue of reform, showed us who and what is standing in the way of change - and asking us to flood the offending Congressmen and women with emails and letters? What if we felt that our leaders were willing to fight, willing to put their bodies and careers on the line, to get the changes they were elected to implement? As things stand right now, our politicians are not even willing to forego their air-conditioned vacations to get healthcare reform passed. So why should we get in the streets? Why should we put pressure on elected officials if the president himself is not willing to put pressure on them?
What if president Obama went on TV and said something like this:
"My fellow Americans, we have all been watching in frustration as healthcare reform has been whittled down by powerful entrenched interests in Washington. Now Congress says we cannot have a vote before they go on vacation. I need your help in letting members of Congress know that business as usual is not acceptable anymore. Senator Max Baucus of Montana, the chairman of the Senate Finance Committee, needs to hear from you on this subject. Henry Waxman, the chairman of the Energy and Commerce Committee in the House of Representatives, needs to know that you support a strong public option, and won't accept a bill that lacks one. There are certain key players in the Senate who are holding up reform, such as Senator Diane Feinstein of California. They all need to know there are consequences for opposing the will of the people. Consequences that could lead to them losing their offices. I am certainly expressing this view - but I can't do it alone. I need your help. When the people mobilize and make their views known, they become the most potent political force in the world. But when the people allow themselves to be cowed by the confusion that forces of the status quo can bring to bear, the status quo wins by default. I want you to know that I am fighting every day to overcome these forces of corruption. You can join the fight by going to our website..."
People need to feel that this is a real fight, and that we are not going to fight with one hand tied behind our backs, while our opponents use every dirty trick in the book, impugning not only the president's patriotism, but even his citizenship itself. When people use tactics like that, it makes no sense to pretend that this is a civilized debate among gentlemen. We need hardball tactics, and a leader who knows how to mobilize all the weapons at his command, not a Mr. Nice Guy who spends all his time trying to reassure everyone that he is not a threat.

Obama Arrested Attempting to Break into White Power Structure


African-American President Barack Obama was arrested today in Washington, DC, in his attempt to break into the White Power structure. Though Mr. Obama has the keys to the White House and the official title of President of the United States of America, he was rebuffed in his attempt to change the way things are done in the inner sanctums of power by Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, who announced there would be no vote on health care reform before Congress' summer recess.

"Just because a black man gets elected president doesn't mean things automatically change," Senator Reid said at an impromptu press conference in the Capitol Building. "The same rich white guys are running things behind the scenes, even if the president is black. We are committed to working with the president to maintain the illusion of democracy, but you've got to be nuts to think that we're ever going to let go of the levers of power just because some slick-talking, nice-looking black man manages to get himself elected to the highest office in the land."

It has been the conventional wisdom that health care reform must be enacted early in Mr. Obama's term, to take advantage of the new president's unprecedented popularity and mandate for change, before the powers-that-be have a chance to whittle him down to size. The announcement by Mr. Reid, putatively an "ally" of the president, effectively puts Mr. Obama in "his place" and lets him know who really calls the shots in Washington, DC.

Mr. Obama, known for his dazzling political prowess and soaring rhetorical skills, reportedly became upset upon hearing of his arrest, turning away from a group of reporters to bite his knuckle before regaining his composure and vowing to fight on in his attempt to bring change to Washington. "A brother can't even break into his own house without getting arrested," said the president. "That's how it is for a black man in America."

Mr. Obama went on to demand an apology from Mr. Reid, who, in an interview with The Fox News Channel, merely chuckled and said none would be forthcoming.

For $745 million, we oughta be f*cking golden.


Can we get real here for a minute?

This so-called bailout is just another heaping helping of the burnt baloney that got us into this mess - the idea that a nation can base its economy on smoke and mirrors.

What right-wing ideologues call "The New Economy" is built around the idea that an economy doesn't really have to make anything, that we can just figure out clever ways to re-package and market and leverage what other people make (people who work for much less money), dress it up with advertising and high tech - and make a killing off of it. Whether it's shoes, computers, complicated financial instruments or even war, we don't make the stuff - we make the stuff that sells the stuff.

Now it turns out that the stuff that sells the stuff was nothing but hot air.

So what do we do?

Look for another source of hot air.

The government.

Can't you see that this can never work? That it's just the desperate gambit of an addict who's supply of good stuff has finally dried up?

You can't base an economy on government handing out money for people to pay each other, any more than you can base an economy on pyramid schemes that assume the price of houses will go up forever. To even attempt such a thing is to molest the very concept of what an economy is.

Now all of a sudden we say we want to "create" jobs.

After 30 years of shipping every job we could get our hands on overseas.

You want to know what happened to our economy?

Mexico happened to our economy.

China happened to our economy.

That's the root of the problem: we loaded our economy on a boat and shipped it overseas.

No, wait a minute. That's not the root of the problem.

That's the trunk of the problem.

The root of the problem is that have a political system based on money.

Thus, the hot air solutions.

What are the chances that our public officials, who owe their very existence to the interests who bankroll them, are going to attack the root of the problems we face?

Approximately...nil. Unless we find a way to force them.

There are going to be no bills proposing new tariffs on products made in China. There are going to be no bills that make it illegal for an American corporation to park its assets in the Cayman Islands. There are going to be no bills that contain minimum environmental or labor standards for imports. No relief for people in hock to credit card companies. Nothing that would threaten the stranglehold of insurance companies on the healthcare system. Nothing but a wag of the finger and a dog-and-pony show in front of an "outraged" Congress for the banking industry.

You can go down the whole list of entrenched interests, the "shareholders" who own our "economy," who happily pay-to-play in our current pay-to-play system. They will all be protected for the simple reason that they have paid, and will continue to pay, protection money.

But what about the unprecedented grassroots fund-raising machine that elected Barack Obama? That money came overwhelmingly from small donors with no special interest except the demand for change. What about their interests?

Yeah. What about their interests?

For some reason, they don't seem to command the same respect as, say, that of manufacturers of children's toys.

I have no clever, one sentence answer for that one.

How come the interest group that paid the most has the least clout?

Maybe in order to have clout, you gotta use clout.

And so far, our guy hasn't shown the inclination to use clout. For a guy from Chicago, he seems strangely dainty. He talks about bipartisanship. We didn't pay Barack Obama to be bipartisan!

We paid him to change things.

We gave Barack Obama, in denominations of $5, $10, $100, the clout to fundamentally change things. We gave Barack Obama 65 million votes. We gave Barack Obama a 75% approval rating. We gave Barack Obama over $745 million. Surely we should get something for our $745 million - besides the president's "appreciation," as Blago would say.

For $745 million, we oughta be f*cking golden.

There's a famous Claes Oldenburg sculpture in front of the Social Security Building on West Madison Street in Chicago. It's a 100-foot tall baseball bat made of polished stainless steel. It's time for the slugger from Chicago to pick up the goddam bat - and swing it!

That's what we paid Barack Obama for.

A Cubs Fan's Perspective on Palin


Being a Cubs fan, I'm all too sensitized to early whiffs of oncoming failure. When your team starts looking for excuses to lose - and CYA stories about why it's not your fault - you're doomed.
That's the context I think the Palin pick needs to be seen in. Obama's acceptance speech was so good, McCain freaked and started concocting spin for the post-mortem. "Well, I went with my gut but the media just had a field day with the Alaska woman." "No Republican was gonna win after Bush. It was doomed from the start." "Like I said, I'd rather lose a campaign than compromise my ideals..."
These were McCain's true motives when he pulled Palin out of his pocket. A nice bit of chum to distract the sharks from smelling his blood in the water.

Peeing Where You Want is One of the Perks of Being a Guard


"Hmm," I said to myself, "I wonder if the air in this air vent is carrying flecks of my urine and splashing it on one of our guests here at the Gulag?"

Hurriedly zipping up I ran inside, following the twists and turns of the duct til finally I came to the cell where, sure enough, my urine was misting directly into the face of Ahmed, one of our Muslim boarders - or, detainees, as we call them.

"Oh, Ahmed, I'm so sorry," I said, pushing his handcuffed hands along the steel pipe from which his body was hanging, to remove his face from the path of the spray. "I got so caught up in the beauty of the Cuban sky that I didn't realize I was pissing into a circuitous air duct that leads directly to your room!"

"Oh, that is quite all right," said Ahmed calmly, thanking me with his eyes for moving him out of the pee-pee wind. "But would you mind moving my Koran out of the way of that drip? One of our rules about the Koran is that you can't get urine on it. And Infidel pee is, like, the worst."

I looked down and saw the unfortunate book soaking in a widening puddle.

"Oh, Ahmed, I am so sorry!" I said, nudging the Koran out of the urine with my foot so as not to get any pee on me.

"NOT with your foot!" Sputtered Ahmed, his body squirming as if electrodes were attached to his testicles. He calmed down, smiled and said apologetically, "Another one of our rules."

I found a broom handle laying on the floor and used that to push the book instead of my foot.

"Thank you," Ahmed said. "I would offer you tea, but I'm a bit indisposed at the moment." He gestured with his eyes towards the handcuffs.

"Oh, that's all right," I said. "I can't stay anyway. I've got to immediately go report myself to my superior officer so we can get this instance of Koran Abuse documented. We've got our rules, too, you know."

Ahmed gave me a knowing look and off I went.

Needless to say, my superior officer was pretty, well, pissed, when he heard what I'd done.

"Lotta goddamned paperwork," he muttered as he started typing. "You didn't flush the god damned thing down the toilet, did you?"

"Uh, the cells don't have flush toilets, sir," I said.

"Oh yeah, that's right. Good. Good. That's what they really get touchy about, is when we flush the god damned things down the toilet."

I stood there for a minute waiting for my punishment.

"At ease, private," said my superior officer. "What you've done is wrong. But you're just a mentally retarded hillbillly from West Virginia. You can't be expected to be an expert in Comparative Religions. We're gonna have to put you in Time Out for a while to show the Muslim world that we take this shit seriously. But don't worry. You'll be back on duty in no time."

"Thank you, sir," I said, saluting. I turned to leave.

"Private!" Said my superior officer. "One more thing."

"Yes, sir?"

"Next time you gotta take a leak, use the head like everybody else."

Army life is tough. But I wouldn't trade the experiences I've had here for anything.

Don't you get tired of being right all the time?


The most obvious example, of course: W.M.D. in Iraq. The conventional wisdom is that "everyone got that one wrong." But nothing could be further from the truth. There were people shouting at the top of their keyboards YEARS before the war that Saddam had no WMD. They never got on TV, they never got interviewed on NPR, never had their op-eds run in the NY TImes. But does anyone say, "Gee, Scott Ritter was right. Maybe we shouldn't have gone to war"? Nope. They say, "Well, we're in it, we better win it," or they say, "Well, Saddam was a bad guy, we're better off without him," or they say, "Uh, Scott Ritter, didn't he molest a girl at a Burger KIng or something?" Or they rattle off any of the myriad other rationalizations this adminstration and its' spinners have put forward as the war has spiralled further and fruther out of control. And it makes you want to smack your head against a wall over and over and over again, as if that might make the mainstream world and your world more closely resemble each other. But no. The conventional wisdom holds: "everyone" got it wrong. Everyone.

How can a statement, so absolutely false on its face, emerge as the "consensus"? The answer is in the definition of the word "everyone."

We don't exist. The only people who exist are the ones who have "credibility." And "credibility" is a code word for somebody who's proven that he's on the bus. John Kerry voted to give the president authority to declare war to preserve his "credibility." It looked like a stupid thing to do from where I stand - a far-flung province called "Oregon" - but to an insider, it was a no-brainer.His credibility had been damaged a generation ago...by being RIGHT about Viet Nam!

Nobody knows better than a member of the Senate that the most important thing you can ever do, in every situation, is to affirm that the Emporer's clothes are indeed splendid. Once you have proven your bona fides by procaliming his majesty, well then, you may start politely splitting hairs about whether this or that item of apparel is, perhaps, not quite "sending the right message." But anyone who simply points out the obvious - that the clueless Boy KIng ain't wearing a stitch of clothing - why, that rube will never make it off the farm.

Scott Ritter has been right as rain for years now. For YEARS. You might think that'd win him some "credibility" with the national media, not to mention the administration. Some kind of mea culpa, in which the powerful are forced to acknowledge..."mistakes were made." Poor Scott. He was suckered by the old-fashioned notion that being right "matters." Good luck, Scott! What was that epithet the salesmen in "Glengarry Glen Ross" flung at each other? "You fucking CHILD!" They say. "You INFANT! Can't you see MEN are trying to WORK here!?"

Of course, eventually the conventional wisdom is forced to change, simply to keep from seeming utterly removed from reality. Muhammad Ali keeps on beating his opponents, including the government...Oh, now we all LOVE him! We ALWAYS loved him! Politicians start blow-drying their hair to show how hip they are. That Kennedy Hair is still all the rage, 45 years later. Martin Luther King gets his portrait printed on stamps, gets his own Day...Oh, we all love him! WE ALWAYS loved him! Slavery is abolished...oh, we were ALWAYS against THAT! States' rights, that's what we were upset about....

Some day soon, it will be the conventional wisdom that America went temporarily insane after 9-11 and re-elected a drunken hard-on named Bush who took us into a disastrous war. It will be universally accepted that America sometimes loses its way, like it did during the McCarthy era, but that eventually, the fever subsides and our essential decency prevails.

But will that mean that "we" were right and "they" were wrong? Nope. One day the Emporer will simply be wearing a different suit and those who understand how the game works will once again be falling all over themselves, David Brooks-like, to come up with the most flattering way of complementing his sense of style. We poor schnooks on the outside can never, by definition, be "right," no matter how many blogs we write or how many millions of people we turn out to protest in the streets. We don't exist! We have no role in what our leaders have the nerve to call the spread of DEMOCRACY.

Cheesemoose

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