The dreaded day has arrived.
Maybe not for you, but for me the day of reckoning has arrived. After successfully eluding the dreaded condition for the better part of a working adult life, today I file for unemployment. 'Tis a terrible door through which I walk, but hey, I'm not the only one. And I must approach this condition with an appreciation that it could be much worse. At least I'm not being terrorized from my home by militant rebels. Nor am I suffering through chemotherapy, sitting on a crashing plane, living on the west bank, or entering a gas chamber.
Being put out to pasture may not be
so bad; it's just that I had hoped it would happen at age sixty-five, not
fifty-eight. After twenty-five years as
a carpenter, then a career change to become a teacher, and two years of part-timing
while attending education classes. followed by two more years of jumping through
hoops while hovering on the edges of American education, it appears that my bid
for educator status was ill-timed.
Apparently I didn't make the cut. The Great Meltdown of '08 has overtaken my good intentions and well-laid plans. Or was it my own failings and eccentricities as a human being?
Anyway, at least our three kids are raised and educated, and my wife is working productively as a nurse (although she complains about the drug-seekers and the alcoholics who are milking the system), and I have a roof over my head.
Maybe I'll be a farmer before I die, and grow my own food so I won't have to pay for it, but I don't think my 58-year-old back can take all that hoeing and weeding. I suppose my grandfather did it long ago but that was a different time and place. Am I making excuses here? Crying in my milk? Evading reality? Maybe. Let me know what you think.
Our 1.5 acres is mostly wooded, so there's not enough sun to sustain a garden. I tried growing shiitake mushrooms once a few years ago, but as it turned out I didn't have the thumb for that enterprise. But hey, I'm happy to be an American in 2009, and not a Chinese teacher wannabe in the 1960s, being herded out to the countryside by Mao's cadre of young bucks to spend long hours toiling in a rice paddy to achieve cultural revolution.
Although we are now enduring a cultural revolution of some sort. The times they are a-changin'. And I am grateful that I'm not mired in Albert Camus' existential dilemma, concluding that the most important decision in life is whether to commit suicide or not, as someone pointed out on Diane's NPR show said yesterday.
No, it's not that bad. I suppose I'll just wake up with the sun tomorrow and walk through that awful door of unemployment one step at a time, like however many thousands of dazed Americanos have done, are doing, and will do. I'll play my part in the Great Recession. The current debate about health care and the public option becomes a moot point for me. I'll take what I can get. I had hoped to teach the next generation how to deal with what life throws at us. But I still have a few lesson of my own to learn.
Thank God I married a nurse, and she's a good one too. Perhaps, as I walk through that dismal government-agency door this morning, I'll be whistling that old Dean Martin tune, Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime. And I'll be singing the best line: "If I had it in my power, I would arrange for every girl to have your charms (and employment skills). Then, every minute, every hour, every boy would find what I found in your arms..." Thank God I married a faithful one, and she loves me too.
Maybe if Camus had been faithful
to his wife he wouldn't have had to grapple so fiercely with the suicide
question. Oh, but of course I'm oversimplifying the problem, as most Christians are known to do.
Would you like fries with this entry?
Carey Rowland, author of Glass half-Full
Damn, Damn, Damn - you deserve better, Carey, and I expect your prospects will improve. In the meantime, I have a few points to offer.
1. Remember you have friends here who appreciate your informative posts, insightful comments, and civil tone.
2. You're in a year that's tough for many people. With your talents, you can expect to do better when America's circumstances improve.
3. I don't think you're the type to feel sorry for yourself, but in any case, don't. Keep doing useful things, paid for or not, and you'll be able to take satisfaction in those.
4. For God's sake, stop being a Republican. No person and no party has a monopoly on virtue, but the Democrats have more personal experience with hard times, more empathy for others forced to endure them, and more determination to promote the principle that the value of our society is to be judged by how we care for the least among us - the poor, the sick, the young, the elderly.
5. Stay with us, and good luck.
July 28, 2009 12:04 PM | Reply | Permalink
The only thing that can be said favorably about the unemployment club you're joining, Cary, is that there is nothing exclusive about it. More and more people are joining it every day.
On August 15th, I'll get my last paycheck, along with the opportunity to incur the additional monthly cost of Cobra. (But, hey, at least I will have Cobra, rather than trying to find and pay for an individual policy.)
Never mind. I've spent almost all of the three months since I got the word in sequential paroxysms of indignation, self-pity and last, but certainly not least, self-recrimination -- because, unlike you, I did it to myself by challenging the administrators at my school on more than one issue.
Here's the conscious decision I've made after all the enervating angst (in fact, I may have made it unconsciously, last year, when I made the decision to speak up):
I simply refuse to be afraid of the future, any longer. Most of my life I knew that such fear was self-defeating and did not allow it room in my head; yet, a few years ago, I forgot. No more. Life is way too short and, if healthcare reform doesn't pass in any meaningful way, it may be shorter still. Allrighty then. As long as I am taking on what freelance work I can find, sending out resumes, following up and papering the offices of legislators with faxes, what else can I do on a day by day basis?
Here's what:
I can pay more attention to the people I love. Help the next generation of my family as I can -- if no longer financially, then with whatever skills I can pass along and by offering up whatever lessons they can glean from my experience, both positive and negative....but (reminder to self) only if they ask.
I can write the non-fiction book I've had in the back of my mind for thirty years, for which I have files of drawings and notes if I will only retrieve those boxes, getting rid of the rest. (Thank you, Deanie, for the reminder.)
I can finally finish the novel I've been writing off and on for two years, ask someone who is not a friend but who is blunt-speaking to read it and comment on it, make appropriate corrections and then send it off -- to publisher after publisher as need be, knowing the odds are long but making the attempt anyway rather than becoming paralyzed by the spectre of rejection.
I can also walk more briskly, Om daily, sail when I have the chance and maybe find the nerve, one more time, to ride that great white horse, Everest, over one more jump, for his sake as well as my own. (Well, maybe not that last -- although it would be a far more satisfactory finale than slowly turning green.)
Gagging yet? Thinking this is all a bit Pollyana-ish? Yes, you're right.
I also reserve the right to be pissed off, occasionally whine, have days of total indolence and laugh whenever possible.
You?
July 28, 2009 1:55 PM | Reply | Permalink
Wendy, that is wonderful advice, and obviously heart-felt. I have no doubt that you will make the most of your situation, and I do hope you find a new one that deserves you!
July 28, 2009 8:16 PM | Reply | Permalink
One problem with bucking the system is that sometimes you get bucked off. Been there, still there. No job pays enough to buy your integrity. I got "bucked off" often enough to develop the mantra "I was looking for a job when I got this one."
Good for you for doing what you felt was right. Stupid them for getting rid of you. You got a right to be angry, and you seem to have a good attitude about moving forward.
There is more than a degree of uncertainty in life, and losing one's employment has always made me more than a little insecure.
I will keep the thoughts of positive outcomes for you and for Carey.
July 28, 2009 8:57 PM | Reply | Permalink
Well done, Wendy.
July 29, 2009 1:13 AM | Reply | Permalink
Carey, I'm struggling to find words that will comfort you, but since they won't come, I'll just say my heart goes out to you. You are a "Glass Half Full" person, and I know you will get through this and come out an even better person on the other end. If there is any good news I suppose it is that you made it until now, and most economic indications are that the worst is over (please God, let that be true!)at least in the financial world my husband follows as he manages our family's portfolio. I know it doesn't feel like it on the street level yet, but I think it's coming, so hang in there.
So, in the meantime, how do I go about buying your books?
July 29, 2009 2:07 AM | Reply | Permalink
Thank you, stilli, for the encouragement. My first novel, Glass half-Full, can be purchased through Amazon or other links at my website, which you'll see if you follow the link above. The story takes place among some people who live in Washington DC. They're pretty good people, but some bad things happen to them--bad things that are inflicted by some two-bit terrorists.
This life is not about what happens to us; it's more about how we respond to what happens.
Also, you can preview the novel that I'm now writing, Glass Chimera, by reading 280 pages of it (or less) online at the same website. This book pertains to, among other things, genetic engineering.
And if you're ever in my hometown of Boone, North Carolina, you get Glass half-Full from me, as I sell them on the sidewalk outside The Newsstand. Boone is a quaint city in the Blue Ridge mountains, and home of Appalachian State University.
Thanks for your interest.
July 29, 2009 7:07 AM | Reply | Permalink
superb.
July 29, 2009 3:55 AM | Reply | Permalink
Thanks for your encouragement, Fred. And I do like your statement about the importance of caring for the least among us.
The main reasons I'm a Republican are 1.) I just happen to be registered as such. 2.) I consider it very important that individuals be free to initiate and operate small businesses (legally) without frivolous government bureaucracy. What scares me about Democrats is their tendency to want to regulate everything. At the lowest levels of commerce, that regulation can turn to strangulation.
wwstaebler Having written two novels, I've been around the block a few times about this issue of publishing. Here are, for what it's worth, a few conclusions:
1.) Write to promote what you believe is true. Self-promotion is a waste of time. "All is vanity," saith the teacher.
2.) The publishing industry is changing, like everything else in the world right now, at an astounding speed. The old paper-and-ink baggage is becoming dead weight. Shelf space in the major book chains is nice if you can get it, but the wholesalers who formerly had millions of cubic feet of storage and extensive distribution expenses are now finding those encumbrances obsolete. What you're looking at right now, at this very moment in time, is where publishing is headed. So
3.) Get busy writing. Post your work on TPM, or on your own website for all to see. That's what I've done with my second novel, Glass Chimera; there are 280 pages there for anyone in the world to see. You gotta take a chance in life. This internet thing is the wild wild west of our writing future. This is what writers do in the 21st century! Stake your claim by self-publishing and maybe hire an agent later, when the right one comes around asking the right questions. With your work out there in cyberspace, instead of gathering dust on the self, some niche can grab onto your message, or maybe you'll get a call from a suitable agent or who knows maybe even Simon & Schuster. You've got nothing to lose, right? except maybe the rest of your life. You gotta go for it, and guess what?
4.) It's a lot more fun that waiting around for something to happen and collecting rejection slips.
No, I'm not gagging; and I'm not kidding (well maybe, just a bit.) Go climb Everest and think about it. Let us know what you come up with.
July 28, 2009 3:01 PM | Reply | Permalink
Thank you for your insight into current shifts in publishing possibilities, Cary. A question though: if a book is posted online, and therefore free to read, why would an agent then promote it or a publisher buy it? Or do you only post an excerpt and then offer it for purchase, printing, binding and shipping them yourself?
I will check out your website and read what you've posted of Glass Half Full and Glass Chimera (a particularly intriguing title, btw).
Let me know how I may reciprocate.
July 28, 2009 9:22 PM | Reply | Permalink
Wendy, your list above is fantastic. I hope you don't mind if I borrow it. I am very much looking forward to your books :)
July 29, 2009 3:03 AM | Reply | Permalink
You pose a very real question, wwstaebler. Certainly I am sticking my neck out by posting so much of a novel online. But I like living on the edge, and this is one way to do it. Furthermore, if you've got nothing (no publishing contract), you've got nothing to lose.
My main interest is cultivating readership. Immediately after completing the manuscript of Glass half-Full, I printed (on my printer at home) about ten or twelve paper editions, which I sent to agents and a few publishers, with no success. So I decided that I'd rather spend some money on published copies of a "finished product" than spend so much time, paper, ink and postage in printing manuscripts at home and mailing them. So I sent $1500 and two electric files (cover and text) to my publisher, BookSurge; they sent me 250 finished copies. Not a bad deal. Plus, since BookSurge is a subsidiary of Amaazon (and this is another example of how the industry is metamorphosing. It's called POD, print on demand), that arrangement included the Amazon listing. Then I had 250 copies that are more presentable and attractive than the rough draft. BookSurge prints individual copies of my book whenever Amazon produces an order for it.
And if an alert agent or publisher shows interest, they can see that I'm not just fooling around. I can do this thing with or without them. But they stand to make some $ if they see the book as a potential seller.
So you're right. My strategy is risky, because the book is "out there." But it's a chicken or egg thing, and also a lot of fun. My wife, the ICU nurse, takes care of the bills. We've had a good working arrangement for 29 years. We just switched "breadwinner roles."
Thanks for your excellent question.
July 29, 2009 7:34 AM | Reply | Permalink
That's a bad break, Carey. I had to retire a few years ago when I became rather disabled, but my husband still does carpentry, though he is getting tired; he's 61, self-employed, and as you know, the self-employed get screwed by tax policy. We are old back-to-the-land hippies, and had made a decision to live simply, so it's not as hard on us as others. We built our house, raised our kids, but can't really help them much any more financially, or give our grandkids many gifts or anything, but they understand. They all still need our support in many other ways, and they call most days, sometimes our daughter call several times!
At the beginning of what looked to be a major recession, we took our little dab of savings and bought staples ahead, and last fall I canned, dried, and froze any extra foods our neighbors had from their gardens, plus all we had from our fruit trees. We like beans and seeds, and I bought one-pound bags of spices and herbs through our co-op, and lots of cases of things that I suspected would go up in price. You might check out your local buying clubs, it helps your pocketbook! My husband built a fence around our little garden area to keep the deer and coonies and skunks out, and I have planted a little garden, and it is growing well, and we have had twice as much rain this year as usual, so I know lots of our friends will swap us their extras for our extras.
Since I can't get around very well, it has limited my community involvement a lot, so what I do is cook and bake and give food to people who need it to make life easier. I do it partially to make myself feel useful, and partly because my husband and I believe that the best way to ensure that we will always have plenty is to give away plenty. It has always worked, and it gives me pleasure to know how many of this are in this together.
When folks ask us about our retirement plans, we get the giggles and say, "A shopping cart and some hefty bags." Hell, we still have the internet, how badly off can we be?
Hang in there, babe!
July 28, 2009 6:12 PM | Reply | Permalink
"...my husband and I believe that the best way to ensure that we will always have plenty is to give away plenty."
That's the American way, Wendy. Thanks for sharin'.
July 28, 2009 8:01 PM | Reply | Permalink
May I please respectfully disagree: it is decidedly not the American Way. I could have been should have been, but it is not. It is not even the way of most Christians, though it is just what Christ taught.
It IS however, the way of the Tao, the way of the Hopi, the Navajo, of the Northwest tribes and their Potlatch ceremonies. It is probably the credo of many cultures, but it is not the American Way. We celebrate and honor what we own, and what we earn...I have thought that one of the few upsides to a depression couold be that we learn that many of us are in this together.
We do not mend things; we do not recycle things; we do not have give-aways; we do not save for the future; we do not avoid credit card debt. I hope that when we all discover that need, even if it by neccessity, and share with others. We must come to believe that we are our brothers' keepers, or else all will be lost, and we may as well give the damned planet back to the dolphins and the cockroaches.
July 28, 2009 9:17 PM | Reply | Permalink
Yez, Wendy. Isn't it horrible the American Way is to dig in our heels and refuse to consider providing healthcare for eveyrone unless they are "worthy". That somehow, if one loses their job and is unemployed, their healthcare is no one's concern but their's, even after they spend their last dime. We like to refer to our highest ideals as the American Way, but our actions fall far short of those ideals. So far as to make them laughable to anyone who says, "Really? Got any examples of that?"
July 29, 2009 1:05 AM | Reply | Permalink
I stand corrected, Wendy. What I should have said is that it should be the American way.
And I absolutely agree that this whole economic meltdown is an opportunity to get back to the principles of sharing, caring, conserving resources, recycling, and "learning that we are together in this thing." I like to think that living in such community was, perhaps, the "American way" that was shared by our grandparents or great-grandparents in the 30s the last time this happened. It is therefore a lost heritage that we are now dusting off and renewing.
July 29, 2009 7:44 AM | Reply | Permalink
Your talents as a carpenter may give you a new opening -- so many people nowadays can't do the simplest things and there are plenty of those who will pay for someone who does. I love carpentry myself, but am what I call a "gross" carpenter: I can think of a contraption that will work and I can build it, and it will be sturdy, it will work, and it will be extremely extremely ugly.
If you are of the "cabinet-maker" type of carpenter, you have a talent that will always be valued.
Take some time off. Think about all this, and maybe you will find that you can have a very good life, for example, teaching young teenagers the basics of carpentry in your home, or your county. The pay won't be great, but it could be a stepping-stone.
Believe me, this is in no way minimizing what you are going through. It is terrible, and I have some experience with what you describe even though I am a nurse. Good luck to you, and I hope that this trial, since it will not kill you, will truly make you stronger. Please blog on this from time to time. We need to hear your story, and others like yours.
Please, do blog on this!
July 28, 2009 8:25 PM | Reply | Permalink
Excellent perspective!, C'Ville Dem. Thanks.
As far teaching the carpentry trade goes, that's a long story. But I will shorten it by saying that the No Child Left Behind has got our education system turned around backwards. (I can say this now that I'm unemployed.)
NCLB was a good concept, but the outcome has been that it requires the people who run education to obsess about credentials and test scores. And that doesn't necessarily add up to a good learning environment in the classrooms of America.
I'm a very pragmatic carpenter. I can do the fine work--the cabinetmaking, trime, etc--but I'm really about knocking together something that is functional and solves the problem at hand.
I'd love to teach kids a little bit about woodworking in, say, the midst of a middle school science class. Woodworking involves botany, physics, ecology, safe practice and common sense, even history. But the system doesn't work that way. It's geared toward academically-assessed seatwork and testing that does not reflect the broad spectrum of human aptitudes.
But hey, thanks for the advice. I'm always looking for opportunities to teach a lesson or two.
July 29, 2009 8:01 AM | Reply | Permalink
Carey, damn shame and more than frustrating. It is hard getting one's feet on the ground (or firmly in the door) after a career change. HOWEVER big kudos for you for doing the work and making the change. My guess is that the "stimulus" money will eventually hit education. Hopefully the funding for teachers will go back up soon.
Not knowing what fringe of education you were in, hopefully financial aid fund and those for Community colleges will pick up soon. There could be a need for someone with carpentry background AND education training. I know my school has a couple of different construction programs and look for that skill combination when there are openings.
You may have beat the curve rather than missed.
Regardless, it is a damn headache to be unemployed - thankfully you are eligible for UI. Many folks are not.
Wishing you well and that an unexpected, fortuitous path appears before you.
July 28, 2009 8:47 PM | Reply | Permalink
Carey,
That sucks. I too was laid off this year. Like you I had worked as a carpenter for a number of years and had made a switch into a good management position and then... (well you titled the post). I am glad you have a loving relationship to carry you through. That is indeed huge.
As someone a bit younger (32) I don't have any sage advice about savvy career moves. But I would like to say that I am glad you switched to teaching.
Truth is-I hope you fight it out and keep trying. We need good teachers with life experience who aren't just sitting around playing the seniority game. (Are there charter schools in your neck of the woods? would you consider moving?-although I am sure you have looked into these things).
I know this is veering to a non PC territory but I feel that demographically we need alot more strong older male role models teaching. I grew up with almost all female teachers throughout highschool. I am certain that some more male role models would have changed a few friends lives. Men like you. Even if that meant a few more young republicans that I might have to argue with :)
I wish you the best. I hope you keep up the fight.
July 29, 2009 2:42 AM | Reply | Permalink
Being a male trying to break into primary education is like being a female trying to break into, say, engineering. Or a black trying to break into higher education several decades ago.
And being an older male is, a grand lesson in being misinterpreted. I suppose they think I'm trying to get in on a pension or retirement deal before I'm too old. But I'm crazy enough to not care about that. (But my wife does.)I just want to teach kids about life--what has happened before, what is happening now, and what will happen? tomorrow. And what we can do to make this world a better place for everybody.
Just a dreamer...but I'm not the only one.
July 29, 2009 8:17 AM | Reply | Permalink
Well then keep trying. Your voice is needed.
July 29, 2009 11:44 AM | Reply | Permalink
My life seems to be encapsulated into this song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VT-SFgkVlno#watch-main-area
I lost everything six years ago. I am about your age. I have no nurse nursing my wounds. ha!!! Do not deserve one either.
I do not fit in anywhere. No one out there could use my 'talents' as meager as they are.
I am lost and I am aching and I cannot find my way home.
Hang in there. You have a lot to offer.
July 29, 2009 4:00 AM | Reply | Permalink
Thanks for the link, dickday. I enjoyed listening to it. Very mellow, yet intense with feeling and understated virtuousity. It's music that soothes the savage beast within.
I also checked out your site today. I'm glad you're working against nazis and white supremecists. So am I. Keep it up.
But what about you? Let's hear your story. Many of us know what it's like to be a square peg in a round hole. You're comfortable enough here, at TPM, aren't you? You fit in. I've seen numerous, thoughtful comments from you. We can see what you're againt. What are you for?
Your "lost and aching" statement above pierces my soul with its transparent honesty. It reminds me of a line from one of my favorite songs, America by Paul Simon:
"'Kathy, I'm lost' I said, though I knew she was sleeping. I'm empty and aching and I don't know why...counting the cars on the New Jersey turnpike; they've all come to look for America..."
btw, and I'm not trying to put a trip on you; it's just a fact: my way home is jesus.
Thanks for sharin'.
July 29, 2009 8:48 AM | Reply | Permalink
There is someone who could use your talents, DD, as well as mine and Cary's for that matter:
Why doesn't Josh put a team of us together to produce an annual anthology, a Best of TPM/2009, to sell?
I suspect we are all speed readers. Collectively we have honed skills in research, analysis, editing, and book production. We are all.... OK.... available, immediately, and could produce the 2008 and possibly the 2009 edition by the end of the year, thereafter going back to TPM's beginnings while beginning to assemble 2010.
I've sent Josh my resume twice immediately after he has announced one job offering or another. I would be the first to say that, for those jobs, I was probably not on his top ten list, or maybe even his top 100 list, for good reason. But he is missing a modest revenue stream that does not require additional office space if he does not give this idea serious thought.
I've only been reading TPM for a year, so it is entirely possible that this idea has been considered before and rejected.
What do y'all think? Good idea? Bad idea? Personally interested? Or not?
July 29, 2009 10:12 AM | Reply | Permalink
Great idea, wwstaebler, although it's not for me. I nominate you for the next job opportunity at TPM.
I am curious about the history of TPM, because it's a very energetic exchange with a palpable community consciousness, and a high level of communicative skill throughout. But I'm actually a quite slow reader, sometimes going over the same sentence two or three times before making sense of it. Furthermore, after about an hour or two of this lit-up screen environment, I'm ready to go do something else.
So I'll be happy to read your anthology when it is written. Keep us "posted," as they say in the trade.
July 29, 2009 12:03 PM | Reply | Permalink