I'm Just So Tired Of The Shit
I should be sleeping. Yet things are on my mind, and tossing while turning doesn't help. If he was awake I'd be talking to the man who loves me. If he was here - or there, but awake. Much of what's bothering me revolves around his absence; but that's none of your business and not the point of this particular rant. Or non-rant since I don't do them well. Consider it a thought in the middle of the night. Just a moment in time ... okay! Relax, will ya? I'm getting to it. Patience, people!
I'm just so tired of the shit. I'm just so tired of the shit. For emphasis: I'm just so tired of the shit.
And just for good measure, I'd like to see all the Republicans who aren't willing to come up with an idea of their own to just go fuck themselves. Right now. Do not pass "Go", do not collect $200.00. You had over eight years to do something, anything. You suck.
People who are on Medicare and crying foul: get a grip, will you? It's a government run, "socialist" program. Want to give it up? Crickets. Goddamn crickets. My 78-year-old mother would like to tear what's left of your hair out. Stand still, bastards.
Can't even bother to consider single-payer because it's too expensive?? Screw you and the horse you rode in on. Think about the money that could be saved, the hours that are now spent pouring over private insurance paperwork. Ask a doctor with a private practice. Ask a hospital. Ask any freaking body with a clue - the easiest paperwork with the most immediate results is Medicare Insurance.
Let's not forget the "death panel". During Medicare reform in 2003, many of the same who declare that end-of-life decisions now mean that Granny will be slipped some pills were all for a "living will". Fuck them. They were all about money - even then. The only reason they thought it was a fantastic idea was because it would save Medicare (government) money. If they've decided that they don't want prolonged care ... yeah!! Now? Death Panel = Obama will kill anyone over 65. Please tell me that means I can kill those Republicans if I'm on the panel. I have a list. They're not all old, and they're not all dying. Yet.
I need sleep, and need to be at work at eight in the morning. I'm also uninsured. My small business employer offers no healthcare - but better wages than most. Enough to pay for my own? No. I don't blame my employer. I just don't understand why the fuck I pay taxes and still can't be covered by the very plan that every provider prefers, and everyone close to 65 waits to receive.
Forgive me. I'm sorry for being politically incorrect. Did I mention fuck that, too?
I'm just so tired of the shit.
*hugs*
It does wear thin after a while, and it is difficult to comprehend why people would look for reasons to be scared out of their wits, but it will be OK I think.
Hang in there!
August 15, 2009 5:29 AM | Reply | Permalink
hugs
Sometimes I feel like a motherless child....
August 15, 2009 6:30 AM | Reply | Permalink
Instead of my dreams, you were apparently tip-toeing through my head earlier.
I'd like to see all the Republicans who aren't willing to come up with an idea of their own to just go fuck themselves.
Every single idea they come up with is so bad, that I'd rather they would just go fuck themselves with no detours. So I started thinking, how did this happen again?
Bill Kristol sent a memo to Republican Congressional leaders in 1993 that laid out the consequences for Republicans if the Clinton plan passed.
In other words, Americans will love it and Republicans will spend the next 40 years in the minority.
Condition then were exactly the same as conditions now. And they are following the exact same playbook. And we are losing once again in exactly the same way.
I am so mad that if a Republican walked in front of me right now, I'd get in the car and run his/her ass over. And keep going.
Read the memo, please Missy. And then tell me, how in the fuck did this happen again? In exactly the same way?
August 15, 2009 7:00 AM | Reply | Permalink
Exactly. Why is it happening again and again - with no differences? The simple answer is that the fight remains the same. But it's not a simple thing, and it's not a simple solution. It wasn't simple when Hillary tried, and it's not now. But if we don't get off our asses and decide that we don't give a shit about hurting delicate feelings, we will be forever in the cycle of again ... once again. And again.
August 15, 2009 7:17 AM | Reply | Permalink
Ah Missy,
Woke up at 4:00 a.m. - must have heard your screams of angst that were echoing my own. (Okay, I know there's a few hours of time differential, but .......)
So much to do and now even less energy to get it done.
I share your frustrations and sentiments - this whole debacle has caused me to regress to a little brat whining in the back seat, 'Are we there yet?'
And then I find out we've only been going around in circles. I'm exhausted.
Thanks for writing what I'm feeling too. No one does it better.
August 15, 2009 9:58 AM | Reply | Permalink
OK. I had to get up at 4:30 AM this morning, two hours earlier than usual. Now I know why. I heard you and I hear you.
It really isn’t my style to do this but: (((hugs))). I don’t know what is coming next but what do you say we all go through it together this time?
August 15, 2009 11:06 AM | Reply | Permalink
Speaking of fucking. I wonder what republicans would do to us if they had a lock on government the likes of what democrats have right now. Look at what Bush did with a dead heat in the senate.
Democrats have no balls. Pelosi should have impeached Bush. Roberts and Alito should never have been confirmed. Roberts is not pro citizen in any way, shape or form. Alito is no better. We have a bunch of blue dogs who may as well be republicans and who are in the pocket of big business every which way. But mostly what they are is a bunch of liars. They stand up in front of this nation every day and lie like hell. I have never seen the likes of this in all my 61 years. I'd just love to see a list of how many senators have stated in the last six months that we have the best healthcare system in the world. That is a whopper of a lie but I'd bet a full third of our senators have said that very thing in the last six months.
I'm sick of this shit too but mostly I can't tolerate the liars. The reason is, I know damn well they are lying because of money. Money that is our taxes that is being flat out stolen. And money that is being taken right out of our pockets because the congress passes laws that allows for Wall Street and healthcare to just rob us blind. Fuckin' criminals for sure.
August 15, 2009 11:07 AM | Reply | Permalink
I suspect it's their strategy, really. Annoy us and wear us down. They're very, very good at being annoying, aren't they?
Hugs...repeated as necessary.
August 15, 2009 11:16 AM | Reply | Permalink
I hear ya. When I was self-employed, I could barely afford a health plan. Like many others, I got it anyway and found myself having to charge groceries some months, the premiums on others. That led to some, er, trouble. Seems the harder and more hours I worked, the less I could afford. I was hardly buying bigscreen TVs or going on exotic vacations. The only travel I do is to see family, and we rarely go out, or buy even basic necessities. I furnished my daughters room at that expensive store, Goodwill. I know am hardly alone. It's a scenario played out by the millions. It results in a broken family due to the stress of unplanned illness and financial inertia. That knowledge brings as much comfort as angst, probably.
Now that I am on my own, and all my work has gone overseas, I had to get a job. I am lucky in that my employer does offer healthcare. I can't afford it, though.
I will have to. My child has to have care. I am signing up next week. This will probably mean I won't be able to afford to eat or pay the mortgage, but hey, the good news is that I have no credit left to run up, trying to pay for the premiums I can't afford. It will be a nice slow death spiral to the poorhouse when the upper 10% catches up with me and takes what few assets I still possess after 30 years of very hard work.
I recently realized this is no way to live. Yet, most of us do live this way. People like me are the "poor decision" makers. As if we made a decision to keep our wages flat for 25 years and enrich greedy shareholders that see health problems as an opportunity to make some extra millions. As if we made the decision to pay through the nose for healthcare only to find it doesn't really cover actual costs, just some of them, (if we're that lucky). As if we made the decision to let our kids or other family members develop illnesses or chronic conditions. As if we could foresee $5.00 a gallon home heating oil. As if we chose this path. Some will say we did by electing Bush & crew, but it started well before that, and I don't think most of us would choose to allow the benefits of the few to outweigh the many.
I am not saying that I am entirely blameless, but frankly, I think the degree of greed and callousness caught most of us off guard. Who would think that our leaders would sink so low? It was not unreasonable to expect competence and some sense of integrity from those we empowered either through our votes or our business.
I would be as sick of this as you, but I'm just worn out. Every now and then, I get ruffled and show signs of life, as you know. I haven't given up... I may have surrendered, though. Sorry for rambling on so.
Round here we talk just like lions
But we sacrifice like lambs
August 15, 2009 11:18 AM | Reply | Permalink
And all the lawyers and mba crooks doing this learned their lessons in our most prestigious law schools and business schools. The biggest producer of white collar criminals in the world is none other than Harvard University. Look around at how many of the movers and shakers in government and business are Harvard graduates. This is where you go if you hail from a certain class and if you want to learn how to squeeze blood from a turnip.
August 15, 2009 11:50 AM | Reply | Permalink
"It was not unreasonable to expect competence and some sense of integrity from those we empowered either through our votes or our business."
this is a really good point, Bwak.
August 15, 2009 1:49 PM | Reply | Permalink
My situation parallels yours in many ways, Bwak. I was a single dad and self-employed carpenter for 25+ years and couldn’t get help for back problems (or even a proper diagnosis) for several years, which became one of those downward spirals (health-wise, money-wise, every-wise).
I've had insurance for many years now but have still haven't been able to get the surgery I need. I went to pick up medications yesterday and a muscle relaxer that I needed most had gone from $5 or $10 last time I got it (under a different plan to $55). I had to decline it.
Anyway, Bwak, you know you’re worth a $million or a $billion or even a $brazillian (I don’t know what that means either)! Remember, if you ain’t got nothin’ … (besides, we always have love to get us by; they can’t repo that…yet). Best wishes from a fellow “poor decision-maker.”
August 16, 2009 1:33 AM | Reply | Permalink
I can't think of one thing that I would add to your comments...oh, except FUCK YOU Sarah Palin and Newt Gingrich -- you both know better.
August 15, 2009 11:37 AM | Reply | Permalink
We shouldn't try and figure out if they know better or not. Waste of time. When they make a major fuck up just kick them out or string them up. Their choice.
August 15, 2009 11:54 AM | Reply | Permalink
I'm not sure they or their ilk really do know better because I don't believe they've ever done anything that wasn't self-serving and motivated only by what it would deliver to them.
August 15, 2009 11:59 AM | Reply | Permalink
Are you sure they both know better?????
August 15, 2009 12:02 PM | Reply | Permalink
Good point, Mom.
August 15, 2009 2:50 PM | Reply | Permalink
Yes, MM, they do.
I am one for not attributing to malice what can be explained by stupidity, though in their cases it's at best a combination. They do not wish the American people well at all, only their corporate funders.
Calling them cynical would be an egregious insult to all the good cynics out there.
August 15, 2009 3:32 PM | Reply | Permalink
Could not agree more. We've stopped watching the news, just makes us sick. Thanks God for Arts TV. keep the faith - it will get better. Just remember last year at this time. We will win...
August 15, 2009 12:28 PM | Reply | Permalink
Total sympathy, Missy. Wish I had something reassuring to say. But we're ALL in the same boat!
Nevertheless: I wish you peace. Especially to sleep in peace.
August 15, 2009 12:33 PM | Reply | Permalink
Thank you for expressing how so many of us are feeling. It's frustrating and frightening that our country is at the mercy of the meanest and most ignorant. Even worse, there seems to be no end in sight to the insane ability to inflict damage on American values.
August 15, 2009 12:50 PM | Reply | Permalink
And just for good measure, I'd like to see all the Republicans who aren't willing to come up with an idea of their own to just go fuck themselves.
Frankly-I just want them to go fuck themselves.
I am self employed (again) having been laid off from a fairly good job this winter. Due to a combination of ineptitude and cheapness on my part I foolishly choose not to send 412 a month for cobra and figured I would risk it at the moment (i am youngish and very healthy). Money was (is) tight and I was going through a divorce as well as moving states,etc. Sure enough I blew out my knee a month later. Yea! Now I have a preexisting condition. So I have three choices. One- I can lie and get insurance to get my knee fixed and hope they do not research the paper trail (I am not a good liar). Two- I can suck it up and pay the insanely exorbitant cost for the needed surgery. Three- I can fly to a third world country and get the surgery. Or I suppose there is number 4 and just buck up, but I sorta of miss it and I love to dance (see avatar).
I know that this is a minor story, and many older and less healthy people will read this as 'I get what i deserve' for trying to game the system (the young don't want to pay their share...) and there is some truth to that. Will they pay my student loans? Will they buy my groceries? pay my mortgage? I don't really get it. The numbers add up, damn quick, and I have always made better then average- I don't know how most do it. Sure I guess I could live in a shitty town somewhere and save about a quarter of my income- but then I would not have any income.
I am tired of the shit. I have spent much of my adult life self employed and once I even had a few employees. I was never been in a position to provide health care coverage. The plans that were remotely affordable don't really cover anything. The ones that did were stratospheric.
I am tired of the shit. To tell the truth I am heartbroken by the current health care reforms. I see the same structural problems simply being augmented. We continue to the ludicrous tie of health care to jobs, we continue with incentivizing inefficiencies through our stupid "fee for service", we will keep paying middleman insurers huge sums without any sense of what value they provide, we continue to burden small businesses with mandates, we will continue to reward pharmaceuticals insane profits while our old and poor smuggle those same drugs across borders, and we will continue to pay 20% of gdp for 'insurance' that drives 1 million into bankruptcy every year. WTF?
Truth is I want change. I want structual change, not more bandaids. I want hope. I want people to stop worrying about their health and just go about their lives feeling safe like a civilized country. and i want my damn knee back.
Sorry to rant.
August 15, 2009 1:24 PM | Reply | Permalink
I don't use my knees that much.
You can have the good one.
August 15, 2009 3:24 PM | Reply | Permalink
You RwaK!
Do you want to met in India for the trade?
Wait a minute, would I start having urges to dance this?.
Hmmm...=)
August 15, 2009 3:37 PM | Reply | Permalink
(shuffles feet)
(beak)
(wings)
(tail feathers)
(clap clap clap clap)
I dunno wot you are talking about.
(whistles)
August 15, 2009 3:44 PM | Reply | Permalink
ha! I knew it!
August 15, 2009 3:56 PM | Reply | Permalink
The WILL find a paper trail! Don't lie...
So sorry to hear this!
August 15, 2009 7:56 PM | Reply | Permalink
Hey Missy, hang on. But fuck 'em all. You're right. In my 65 yrs I've never seen it this bad, even when I dropped out of college and my govt conscripted me and sent me off to Vietnam. But today, even when I go out for a run, or just work in the yard I can't get these lying MF'ers out of my head. There's something (like Vietnam) hopeless about the situation. And this is what I think most of us are feeling, aside from the anger we don't know what to do with. Our hopes were so high, and yes it's only been 6 months, but our Pres appears to be so lacking in leadership, so obliging to our representatives as to appear weak and indecisive. It's almost painful, actually it is painful to watch Pres Obama say he'll still work with Sen Grassley after Grassley laughed in his face. Time to get in Grassley's face and time to stop being so nice. When the POTUS has to cater to a shit kicker from Montana who wants u to know he's a proud member of the NRA I say so the fuck what. Who gives a shit. 20,000 murders a year in the USA, cop-killing bullets and assult weapons/AK-47's sold everywhere, I say you're just a dumb fucking guber. You want smaller govt asshole, then refuse Social Security and Medicare when it's your turn, and when your kids get sick and you have no $$ just stand by your "beliefs" and let them get real sick instead of taking them to a state-run and state-funded hospital. Dumbass. I'm tired of the shit too. And then I go to primal scream when MSM plays this over and over and cowards like Matthews "interview" the idiot with the gun at a town hall meeting. It's like why would anyone, aside from generating high ratings, consider interviewing the Timothy McVeighs of this country!. I don't remember Matthews getting that worked up when Bush & Co were lying us into war. And Ann Coulter gets rich on the tragedy and misery of 9/11 widows and orphans! Yes I to am tired of the shit. And when u really think about it, all were asking for (HCR) are some basic needs. Why do we have to fight for everything, even the crumbs?
August 15, 2009 2:07 PM | Reply | Permalink
Well, Missy...care to tell us how you REALLY feel?
Wonderful and much needed rant. You use the words that run through my mind, but the fingers refuse to type.
I am still not wedded to any one solution, just to outcome. All people MUST be able to access affordable health care. I'll leave it to people far smarter than I to figure out how to get there.
I wish it was a simple problem, rather than the spider web of issues that it is. Take out all the lobbyists and special interests, and there still is no simple solution. In a perfect world, maybe, but we live in a far from from perfect world.
I think the thing that amazes me most is to hear people who are on Social Security and/or Medicare/Medicaid or people whose parents depend on these programs scream about not wanting Socialism...These are socialistic programs, and THEY WORK!
Those who have money can buy insurance programs that fill the gap between what Medicare will pay for and what they want...it's a two-tiered system. The same two-tiered system would work for all...The government run program is basic. If you want more, you (or your extra insurance) pay for it. That way, EVERYONE can get basic care, but those who want and can afford to pay for a higher level of service can get it.
Anyone who thinks that care is not rationed now is deluding themselves. Just try having a difference of opinion with your insurance company.
Care denied, is rationed care.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and make this all better, but, that ain't gunna happen. Getting to affordable care for everyone is going to painful, and we may not get it all this go around. But get it, we will...eventually. Then 50 years from now, we add this to the list of things the repubs fought against that they wouldn't give up for anything...go figure.
August 15, 2009 2:59 PM | Reply | Permalink
barefooted, it's the rules of the game. The Democrats will play right up to the edge of the foul line and occasionally step out of bounds whereas the republicans always are in foul line trouble, but expect the refs to look the other way. The townhall meetings are a prime example. They aren't attending because they are concerned about health care. It's just one of the many issues they have against Obama and Democrats - they're mad as hell because they lost the White House, Senate and House and have become what they hate more than Democrats - a minority party. As Bart Simpson said - this election broke their brains. The best they can accomplish is put out an all hands effort too wreck the system beyond repair and blame the Democrats and Obama for its failure. All the while, taking Obama's olive branch of bipartisanship for ride to the trash heap. Obama is feeding the republicans as much rope as they can take. Eventually they'll hang themselves in the process. Unfortunately, there's going to be a really big mess we'll have to clean up after all is said and done.
August 15, 2009 3:20 PM | Reply | Permalink
So, you caught a wave, here, Barefooted.
On whatever board I am reading this, you are the No. 1 post. Good going!
Small parts of the reason for that include the personal stuff about the man not there and awake at the moment, the bathos of it being the middle of night and you facing a red-eyed day at the office at 8 am when everybody expects you to be at your best, and we really feel for you. And a significant part is your really excellent writing -- can't fake that!
But the other reason, of course, the mother load one might offer, is that we are also *TOTALLY FUCKING SICK OF IT ALL*. Wanna puke. Want to fucking puke.
Thanks indeed for capturing the moment so well, and wishing you every good thing,
O.T.
August 15, 2009 4:59 PM | Reply | Permalink
close your eyes.
breathe.
View: http://www.vimeo.com/6045312
August 15, 2009 5:57 PM | Reply | Permalink
From one emotional insomniac worrier to another: Bless you. It did my heart good to read this, since it echoes my own feelings.
August 15, 2009 6:44 PM | Reply | Permalink
Here's irony for you. Got a call from my Mom at work, just before the ambulance took her to the emergency room. She's fine, a mild case of pancreatitis. Spent several hours in the ER, left with two prescriptions which were filled and got a ride in a spiffy ambulance. It will cost her virtually nothing - the scripts totalled $20.00. She has Medicare and a good supplemental insurance policy. Her follow-up with her physician on Monday will cost her nothing. She went to the hospital because she'd been nauseous since last night and couldn't shake it. Had she waited, the condition could easily have worsened and she'd have been admitted for likely several days.
Had it been me? I'd have stayed home and waited for a sour stomach to pass. Once the severe pain and fever took hold I'd probably have ended up at the ER, too, out of sheer necessity. Probably would have spent a few lovely days at the Hotel Hospital and then ... the bills would have started. And before long I'd have been even deeper in debt for thousands of dollars because I'm uninsured. Had I even basic coverage, perhaps I'd have been as smart as my mother and seen a doctor before it worsened - instead of ignoring the symptoms because I couldn't pay out of pocket.
At the risk of repeating myself ... I'm just so tired of this shit.
August 15, 2009 6:49 PM | Reply | Permalink
This says it all, doesn't it?
Hugs to you and your mom, Missy.
August 15, 2009 6:53 PM | Reply | Permalink