Don't Worry - The Government Will Fix Everything
So I woke up this morning to the news that the United States had become a socialist state, essentially buying the homes of many of the country's less-wealthy homeowners. Interesting development, that. And the Merill Lynch stock I had been fake-shorting on my Facebook page had rebounded by a good 25% on the good news. Good thing I hadn't put my money where my mouth was.
Good news all around. Hey, I'm all for good news, but something doesn't smell right here.
In recent days, there's been high demand for US-Government-backed treasury bonds--the safest investment in world history! Sure, our national debt is fast approaching $10 Trillion, a number that is almost as large as our annual GDP. There's clearly NO DANGER AT ALL that the U.S. will be unable to redeem those bonds in ten years. NO DANGER AT ALL. Really.
But to heck with treasury bonds: let's get back into the stock market. The Government says it's safe now, they've fixed it. Not quite sure how, but they came in to fix it, and now it's fixed, and the stocks are up, and everything's good again, especially if you bought Lehman Brothers yesterday at a nickel a share. Everyone got really scared about the economy, and they wanted the Government to come in to fix it, and by gum, that's just what the Government did. Somehow.
Do you remember that scene from Jaws, where Sheriff Brody says the shark they killed wasn't the one? And that they should close the beach on the Fourth of July? But the Mayor makes him open the beach anyway, and tells all the people that the shark is dead? Remember that scene? Cause I know that Bernanke and Paulson are the Mayor, and I know the investors are all the swimmers who believe the Mayor and thought it was safe to get back in the water. But I'm not sure who's got the role of Brody, anxiously scanning the waters for any sign of shark fins.
As for me, I think I'm going to short Merill Lynch for reals this time. Oh, wait--I can't do that anymore.
Good news all around. Hey, I'm all for good news, but something doesn't smell right here.
In recent days, there's been high demand for US-Government-backed treasury bonds--the safest investment in world history! Sure, our national debt is fast approaching $10 Trillion, a number that is almost as large as our annual GDP. There's clearly NO DANGER AT ALL that the U.S. will be unable to redeem those bonds in ten years. NO DANGER AT ALL. Really.
But to heck with treasury bonds: let's get back into the stock market. The Government says it's safe now, they've fixed it. Not quite sure how, but they came in to fix it, and now it's fixed, and the stocks are up, and everything's good again, especially if you bought Lehman Brothers yesterday at a nickel a share. Everyone got really scared about the economy, and they wanted the Government to come in to fix it, and by gum, that's just what the Government did. Somehow.
Do you remember that scene from Jaws, where Sheriff Brody says the shark they killed wasn't the one? And that they should close the beach on the Fourth of July? But the Mayor makes him open the beach anyway, and tells all the people that the shark is dead? Remember that scene? Cause I know that Bernanke and Paulson are the Mayor, and I know the investors are all the swimmers who believe the Mayor and thought it was safe to get back in the water. But I'm not sure who's got the role of Brody, anxiously scanning the waters for any sign of shark fins.
As for me, I think I'm going to short Merill Lynch for reals this time. Oh, wait--I can't do that anymore.
