So here I am, Ben Hocking, your favorite Comp Sci professor who likes to blog on TPM.  You've seen me.  You know me.  Right?

Wrong.  I'm actually the little baby that runs the Troll-a-thon.

Turns out that, with the new TPM layout, it is ridiculously easy to impersonate another user.

I can't decide if this is a bug or a feature.

p.s.--I have the real Ben Hocking's permission to post this using his photo and handle.

At least, I think it was the real Ben Hocking.

...is canceled due to lack of interest and lack of recommendations.

Now I won't be able to give away that 2008 Toyota Prius.

You have only yourselves to blame.

Day Three of the Troll-a-thon, though the least well-recommended, was by far the greatest experiment in trolling so far this year.  In case you missed it, trolls were asked to weigh in on the 1908 general election competition between William Howard Taft and William Jennings Bryan.  Our competitors' contributions were all excellent and high class.  In fact, I was just about to declare an equal victory for everyone who participated when I realized that a late entry blew all others out of the water.  Sorry, folks: Day Three goes to TPM Newbie VerdaStelo.

But now, on the second-to-last day of our Troll-a-thon, we turn to the Wonderful World of Science.  (I apologize for misleading you with the title of this post: today's topic has nothing to do with Obama, but I needed to do something to up the Recommends.)

Topic Four: Across the Universe

Einstein was for the cosmological constant before he was against it.  Concerned that his general theory of relativity suggested that the universe was expanding, Einstein inserted a variable into his equations to keep the size of the universe static.  But when Edwin Hubble observed the cosmological red shift, it became apparent that the universe was expanding, just like Einstein predicted.  Einstein called the cosmological constant his biggest blunder.

But recent studies have shown that the universe is expanding at too fast a rate--and that, ironically, Einstein's cosmological constant, unvarying throughout space and time, would actually account for the unstable rate of expansion.  Other physicists believe that the increasingly-expanding universe is caused by quintessense, which is a scalar field of varying density throughout space and time.  It is thought that quintessense exerts an attractive force in areas of space-time with a higher ratio of radiation to matter, and becomes a repulsive force where matter exceeds radiation.  Thus, as the universe has cooled, the repulsive forces of quintessense have grown, causing the universe to expand at an increasing rate.

So was Einstein's great blunder the answer to life, the universe and everything?  Or is a dynamic, anisotropic force the explanation?

Discuss.

Desidero took an early lead in Day Two of the Troll-a-thon, and despite a number of good efforts, no one was able to catch up.  Not even Billy Glad's complaint about the echo chamber could change the fact that the Best Film of All Time was clearly The Exorcist.

But now, trolls and trollettes, it's time to put on your history-wonk hats for Day Three of the troll-a-thon.

Topic Three: The Battle of the Bills

Exactly 100 years ago, this country was torn by a close presidential election between Theodore Roosevelt's hand-picked successor William Howard Taft, with the Republican Party, and Democratic candidate and famed attorney/orator William Jennings Bryan.

Clinton trolls, you must advocate for Taft.  Obama trolls, advocate for Bryan.

Your discussion must remain true to the period.  No reference to post-1908 events is allowed.  It's your opportunity to troll Victorian-style.  

Discuss.

Congratulations to all you first-timer trolls out there.  We had some stellar performances yesterday.  Notable mentions include Blue Orb, for excellence in concern trolling, multiple identical posting, and links to right-wing websites.  Kudos to elliotness, for multiple changes of his handle, for multiple consecutive posts, and for blatant plagiarism of Matthew Weaver.  And of course, any discussion of the competition so far would be incomplete without mentioning anneliz's disenfrenchfry-ment of the Michigan and Florida voters.

But moving on to Day Two of the Troll-a-thon, our resident trolls will have to diversify to handle Day Two's topic, the Culture Wars.

Topic Two: The Best Movie of All Time

Trolls must battle it out to identify the best movie of all time.  Your choices are:

The Godfather.  
Casablanca.  
Citizen Kane.  
Star Wars.  
Dirty Dancing.

Discuss.

Welcome to TPMCafe's First Annual Troll-a-thon.  Every day this week, we'll post a new topic for trolling.  Scores will be awarded by our three-judge panel: Gotalife (representing trolls), FlyOnTheWall (representing pundits), and of course, TrollCritic 3000 (representing Troll Critics everywhere).

To be clear, you need not be an established Troll to participate.  Everyone is encouraged to set reason and civility aside and go for the gold--the Troll Gold.  Who knows--you may discover a troll inside you, dying to get out.

Tips for winning:

-Be offensive
-Make liberal use of ast*risks
-Post links to crazy and/or right-wing websites
-Don't let the facts stand in your way
-Don't agree with anybody
-Ridicule your opponents
-Attribute to other people beliefs that they do not hold

Topic One: Hypothetical Pennsylvania Primary Scenario

In a stunning turn of events, Pennsylvanians grow so sick of the campaigning between Clinton and Obama that they mount a word-of-mouth write-in campaign for John Edwards.  Edwards wins the primary with 60 percent of the vote.  Obama and Clinton tie with 20 percent a piece.  Edwards announces that he is re-entering the race, and Hillary and Obama each lose roughly two thirds of their superdelegates to Edwards.  At a fundraiser, Obama is unaware that his mike is live and calls Edwards a honkey.  Meanwhile, reporter Carl Bernstein publishes a book revealing that Hillary Clinton, along with Mark Penn, George W. Bush, and Paul Krugman, are all members of the Illuminati.  Discuss.