http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/jokes/bljokerncschedule.htm

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Convention Schedule

Minneapolis, MN

4:00 PM - Opening Prayers and Massages Administered by
Rev. Ted Haggard

4:05 PM - Presentation of Confederate Colors

4:10 PM - Pledge of Allegiance to 9/11

4:15 PM - Invocation of John McCain's POW Experience

4:30 PM - George W. Bush Speech on Legacy of Peace and Prosperity, Canceled

4:45 PM - Dick Cheney Instructional Seminar on Waterboarding, Canceled

5:00 PM - Karl Rove Speech on Government Accountability, Canceled

5:15 PM - Tribute to the U.S. Constitution, Canceled

5:30 PM - VP Beauty Contest and Swimsuit Competition, featuring Sarah Palin,
Condoleezza Rice, and Rudy Giuliani

5:45 PM - Tribute Film to John McCain's Houses