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Alas, Poor Yorick! David Foster Wallace Is Dead.

"Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath borne me on his back a thousand times..."

The author of Infinite Jest, David Foster Wallace apparently hanged himself Friday, September 12, 2008. The first policeman on the scene reported that Wallace's dead hand was still clutching a half-empty bottle of Wild Turkey.

"Yorick," I used to say, "If you ever stick your head in that metaphysical microwave oven, I'll try to achieve a fleeting notoriety by writing an absurd obituary!"

"Hamlet, you unscrupulous idiopath," Himself would reply, "When I go, I'll take you with me! But now it's time for another game of horsie."

Leaving half a bottle of Wild Turkey for the cops was a typically kind gesture by our dear old clown. "Whoever finds me will probably need a drink," Himself would say, and he's saying it now.

[Verbatim transcript]

Yorick: Taint not thy mind... (inaudible)

Hamlet: (inaudible)

Yorick: (inaudible)

First Grave-digger (inaudible)

[Verbatim transcript ends]

Way back in Anno Domini 2000, when Yorick wrote his credulous and prophetic report about John McCain's first campaign for the Presidency, Aboard the Straight Talk Express With John McCain and a Whole Bunch of Actual Reporters, Thinking About Hope, he had a vision of Barack Obama in the form of a junior tennis star who drops topspin lobs on the baseline every time you rush the net.

"But how does he get to the finals against John McCain?" I asked, and then I saw an expression of infinite sadness in Yorick's eyes. He hadn't looked so bad since Mikey Pemulis poured DMZ on his toothbrush at tennis camp.

"Unreturnable floaters is the future of tennis," he said, "But the poison belongs to McCain."

David Foster Wallace died a few days after the candidate he once liked and trusted, John McCain began accusing Barack Obama of perverting school-children, because Obama had sponsored a program to warn them about sexual predators.

The last word in this absurd obituary belongs to one of Yorick’s favorite writers, the Argentine aphorist Antonio Porchia:

“Truth has very few friends, and those few are suicides.”


Comments (7)

Good job.

Thanks, Laura.

Michael Scherer wrote a nice piece about DFW in the Swampland Blog: http://www.time-blog.com/swampland/2008/09/in_memorium_david_foster_walla.html#more, with some excerpts and lots of links to some of Wallace's excellent writing. A true loss. Thanks for posting, Jacob.

Thanks for the link. There was an article I had never read that Wallace wrote for the Times about Roger Federer ...

"Imagine that you’re a person with preternaturally good reflexes and coordination and speed, and that you’re playing high-level tennis. Your experience, in play, will not be that you possess phenomenal reflexes and speed; rather, it will seem to you that the tennis ball is quite large and slow-moving, and that you always have plenty of time to hit it."

"It was like something out of The Matrix."

Exactly right!

I'm really enjoying his Consider the Lobster:

http://www.gourmet.com/magazine/2000s/2004/08/consider_the_lobster?printable=true

I was just reading this part out loud to my son and we were laughing 'til we cried.

The intimacy of the whole thing is maximized at home, which of course is where most lobster gets prepared and eaten (although note already the semiconscious euphemism “prepared,” which in the case of lobsters really means killing them right there in our kitchens). The basic scenario is that we come in from the store and make our little preparations like getting the kettle filled and boiling, and then we lift the lobsters out of the bag or whatever retail container they came home in …whereupon some uncomfortable things start to happen. However stuporous the lobster is from the trip home, for instance, it tends to come alarmingly to life when placed in boiling water. If you’re tilting it from a container into the steaming kettle, the lobster will sometimes try to cling to the container’s sides or even to hook its claws over the kettle’s rim like a person trying to keep from going over the edge of a roof. And worse is when the lobster’s fully immersed. Even if you cover the kettle and turn away, you can usually hear the cover rattling and clanking as the lobster tries to push it off. Or the creature’s claws scraping the sides of the kettle as it thrashes around. The lobster, in other words, behaves very much as you or I would behave if we were plunged into boiling water (with the obvious exception of screaming).15 A blunter way to say this is that the lobster acts as if it’s in terrible pain, causing some cooks to leave the kitchen altogether and to take one of those little lightweight plastic oven timers with them into another room and wait until the whole process is over.

You can only appreciate the humor of this, I think, if you understand this was written as a review of the Maine Lobster Festival for Gourmet Magazine. Irreverance would be an understatement. Gotta love this guy. One of a kind. He will be missed.

You were totally right! I was reading along and thinking "Why is this supposed to be funny? It's horrible! The person who posted it must be insane."

Then I came to the part about the Lobster Festival and Gourmet Magazine...

Harharharhar!!!

Nice set-up!

Exactly. I'm a huge fan of Gourmet. My pantry shelves are loaded down w/issues from years stretching way back. It's a very snooty mag. This whole article, as a review of the Maine Lobster Fest for Gourmet Mag, is a total hoot. A toast to David Foster Wallace! The man was a genius.

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