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Top Twelve Reasons McCain Picked Palin
12. Never voted “present” in the Wasilla City Council.
11. 8/29 Factor: Amazing convergence of third Hurricane Katrina anniversary, McCain’s seventy-second birthday, and Palin’s twentieth wedding anniversary leads Cindy’s numerologist to recommend McCain-Palin.
10. Like advent calendar, McCain plans to unveil new potential Vice-Presidential nominee every morning to bump Senator Obama from each of the remaining 67 news cycles. As the 67th most qualified Republican veep, Palin starts the countdown today.
9. McCain assumed she was related to Monty Python’s Michael Palin, thinks parrot sketch is really cool.
8. Nails down all those Arctic states.
7. Palin has more executive experience than McCain, Obama, and Biden put together, is thus actually more qualified than all three of them to be President.
6. Screw the whiners: Palin selection meshes nicely with Charlie Black’s “nation of whiners” comment, given her denunciation of Hillary Clinton’s criticisms of sexist media coverage as a “whining.”
5. Even hotter than Vicki Iseman. Imagine checking out Cheney's secure undisclosed location with Palin!
4. Pawlenty, Romney couldn’t make Biden pale in comparison; Biden now at least subject to Palin comparison.
3. With a child young enough to be her grandchild, and herself twenty-eight years younger than McCain, Palin deftly underscores campaign’s secret theme that McCain is America’s great-grandfather.
2. Troopergate is back! Firing state employee for refusing to fire her State Trooper former brother-in-law shows Palin is ready to step up to Cheney-style abuse of executive power. Alaska Legislature hiring independent counsel to investigate creates potential for scandalous civil rights suit in which State Troopers are witnesses shows Palin's potential for Clintonian greatness.
1. Kicked John Stein’s ass in 1999 race for Mayor of Wasilla, 909 to 292.
Comments (31)
Rec'd. "Palin comparison"! And no acronyms ending in ILF.
13. In case he loses the election, he'd like to lay the groundwork for a guest-star gig on 30 Rock.
14. Little-noticed rule in the Republican platform now requires that all vice-presidents should know how to shoot a gun. Accurately.
August 29, 2008 11:43 PM | Reply | Permalink
Too late, my boyfriend was already talking (as I'm sure others have been) about the V-PILF.
Tee hee.
August 30, 2008 7:37 PM | Reply | Permalink
15. Wasilla Wal-Mart renowned for selling more duct tape than any other Wal-Mart in the world.
(And that's the gospel truth, according to dKos.)
August 29, 2008 11:45 PM | Reply | Permalink
Here's some dada for you, Alex:
Q: How much duct tape does it take to edit wiki?
A:Palin!
August 29, 2008 11:53 PM | Reply | Permalink
Holy shit, that was awesome, MonicaL! Fan-fucking-fantastic! Some of those were so funny. Great, great stuff. Highly rec'd!
August 30, 2008 12:38 AM | Reply | Permalink
Nice. Up there with the "We need a 'Hot' President" post from a while back...
August 30, 2008 12:49 AM | Reply | Permalink
LOL, Monica. ;-)
August 30, 2008 12:50 AM | Reply | Permalink
Between her, Cindy and that long necked pretty blond spokeswoman McCain is lookin like a pimp. We can call them McCain's Angels.
August 30, 2008 1:40 AM | Reply | Permalink
No, dude, we really cannot.
August 30, 2008 8:19 AM | Reply | Permalink
It would make a hilarious SNL skit.
BTW notta dude.
August 30, 2008 4:49 PM | Reply | Permalink
She believes, along with Stephen Colbert, that bears are our nation's greatest threat and need to be wiped out.
August 30, 2008 3:17 AM | Reply | Permalink
Can't wait for her "ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for Alaska" speech.
August 30, 2008 8:06 AM | Reply | Permalink
Well, if she thinks she is Michael Palin, I suppose the whole "Upper Class Twit of the Year" image makes a little more sense.
August 30, 2008 9:02 AM | Reply | Permalink
Doesn't she kind of look like MonicaL, MonicaL? Maybe McCain has a secret yearning for the Clinton presidency?
August 30, 2008 11:20 AM | Reply | Permalink
Number 8 worries me. Where I'm from, every state North of the Ohio River counts as "arctic."
August 30, 2008 12:02 PM | Reply | Permalink
16. McCain knows he's going to lose, but before he goes down, he wants to give a huge boost to Kristin Wiig's career.
August 30, 2008 1:28 PM | Reply | Permalink
72. She sings a great version of "Happy Birthday Mr. President."
August 30, 2008 1:28 PM | Reply | Permalink
You know, if you check out the People mag pics over at Huff post,,,,,,,, where McCain looks like a corpse at an Irish wake proped up in the corner, the Swiss family Palin look like, what in this part of the country, is called white trash,,,,, or more likely, treller trash.
Given the information on their family soap opera coming out, that label fits nicely.
August 30, 2008 1:38 PM | Reply | Permalink
I know you don't mean to be endorsing that attitude, just predicting how the viewing audience will respond.
But dude. They looked like a (prettier and much cleaned up) version of my own family, so may I respectfully urge you to please can it?
August 30, 2008 2:24 PM | Reply | Permalink
What deserves attention in that photo, actually, is that they've stretched the living daylights out of McCain so he doesn't look shorter than the gals.
I don't know how they did it, but if you look at the legs they're way out of proportion to his body.
August 30, 2008 2:28 PM | Reply | Permalink
Double-plus bonus points for #4. I did not see that coming. Brava.
August 30, 2008 2:42 PM | Reply | Permalink
Double-plus bonus points for #4. I did not see that coming. Brava.
August 30, 2008 2:43 PM | Reply | Permalink
Very funny! Rec'd.
August 30, 2008 3:00 PM | Reply | Permalink
17. He wanted to peel away Barack Obama's few remaining male supporters.
"Men have a favorable imperssion of Palin by a 35-point margin, whereas women have a favorable impression of her by an 18-point margin. Conversely, by a 23-point margin, women do not think Palin is ready to be President, whereas Palin lost this question among men by a considerably smaller 6-point margin."
http://www.fivethirtyeight.com/2008/08/women-more-skeptical-of-palin-than-men.html
I am mortified for my gender. Men, men, men -- if we don't learn to keep our emotions under control, they'll never give us the vote.
August 30, 2008 3:43 PM | Reply | Permalink
Do muggle men really vote for VPOTUS based on hotness?
August 30, 2008 5:04 PM | Reply | Permalink
Only when it comes combined with semi-automatic weaponry. But in that case, absolutely.
August 30, 2008 6:39 PM | Reply | Permalink
18. Palin nails down the Paris Hilton vote-draining threat
August 30, 2008 4:14 PM | Reply | Permalink
She shoots wolves from helicopters. (who's, where, when, why?) But only those over-populated copulateheyrs worrying the flock, I'd assume--from a true sports(wo)man.
How many flocks are there up there? Maybe they just need to chase them away from the pipelines?
BTW, who's helicopter does she use doing this kook [i]hunting[/i]?
August 30, 2008 8:29 PM | Reply | Permalink
"Palin Comparison"
line o' the day
August 30, 2008 8:29 PM | Reply | Permalink
Number 11. Yes!!!!
That had to be it. ;)
August 30, 2008 9:36 PM | Reply | Permalink
Jesus this pick scares me... not that it makes it any more likely he'll get elected, but that if he did, this fool could be president at any moment.
August 30, 2008 10:28 PM | Reply | Permalink
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