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THE definitive analysis of the Obama/Anti-Christ controversy
The authors (Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins) of the Left Behind series of novels (a delightful and entertaining cornucopia of graphic violence, gore, and depravity based on an older work of fiction -- the ever-popular and similarly-themed Bible) have announced that Sen. Barack Obama (presumptive nominee of the Democratic Party for President of the United States of America) isn't the anti-Christ portrayed in their (LaHaye's and Jenkins') work of fiction. However, that doesn't mean he (Sen. Obama) is not the anti-Christ in reality. The Devil (Lucifer, whose name means "light-bearer" for some reason) is very clever, and it seems likely that he (the Devil) would have LaHaye & Co. write the books just so they (the LB authors) could deny the real anti-Christ (Sen. Obama) and he (the Devil, not Sen. Obama) could put up a fake one (anti-Christ) to make it easier for the real one (anti-Christ; i.e. Sen. Obama in this scenario, I think) to take over the world (Earth, at least).
Or maybe Sen. Obama is not the real anti-Christ but the Devil wants us to think that he (Sen. Obama) is, so he (the Devil) is making known fools and charlatans (the LB authors) say he (Sen. Obama) is not because then smart people will think that if fools (LaHaye and Jenkins) say he (Sen. Obama) is not then he (Sen. Obama) must actually be (the anti-Christ). Then the real anti-Christ (???) could take over unopposed.
OTOH, maybe the devil wants us think that Sen. Obama is the real anti-Christ even though he (Sen. Obama) really is the real anti-Christ. That would really fool a lot of LB readers (saps) and believers(suckers)! Somehow.
But wait! What if god wants us to think that Sen. Obama is the anti-Christ? I don't know why he (god) would do that, but then I don't know whether he (god again) wants the end-times (the Apocalypse, Armageddon, etc.) to come faster or slower. But whatever he (god, not Sen. Obama) wants, you better bet it'll happen that way because, well, because he (god) is god.
And if god wants us to think that Sen. Obama is not the anti-Christ, then we (us -- you and I and others, collectively) probably won't (think that Sen. Obama is the anti-Christ) and if he (Sen. Obama) is (the anti-Christ) then LaHaye and Jenkins (authors of the Left Behind series of novels (a delightful and entertaining cornupcopia of graphic violence, gore, and deparavity based on an older work of fiction -- the Bible (fundamental source of dogma for Christians (believers in Jesus Christ as The Redeemer, Emmanuel, The Ever-Lasting Lord, etc.))) were right (in the books) but wrong (in saying that he (Sen. Obama, not god) isn't the anti-Christ).
I hope this helps.
Comments (56)
Clear as mud, (although entertaining, (kind of like spinning around just to get dizzy and throw up, (popular at a certain stage of development, (possibly shared by dolphins, (depending on interpretation of results)))).
August 15, 2008 10:17 AM | Reply | Permalink
Thanks for the clarification.
August 15, 2008 10:23 AM | Reply | Permalink
They won't give the guy credit for anything.
August 15, 2008 11:59 AM | Reply | Permalink
Heh heh
August 15, 2008 12:09 PM | Reply | Permalink
Did Lucifer (the angel of light) put Tankard (aka willing dupe) up to writing this ....product?
And how did Tankard know that there was no beer in heaven? (from his earlier demented thread)
Who IS this so-called "Tankard" who seems to be privy to Heaven's beverage arrangements and Hell's deeper plans alike?
Deep plots are afoot!
August 15, 2008 2:50 PM | Reply | Permalink
Did Lucifer (the angel of light) put Tankard (aka willing dupe) up to writing this ....product?
To quote a wise man, it's just the other way around.
And how did Tankard know that there was no beer in heaven?
Opposition research.
Who IS this so-called "Tankard" who seems to be privy to Heaven's beverage arrangements and Hell's deeper plans alike?
Could he be..........?
August 15, 2008 3:00 PM | Reply | Permalink
the Eggman? the walrus?
goo goo ga joob!
August 15, 2008 3:03 PM | Reply | Permalink
Well, that settles it. Thanks!
Next please address the startling and damning fact that "McCain" rhymes with "rain," which is what fell during the Katrina Hurricane that devastated New Orleans.
Connection? Not as far as I K-N-O-W, but a person's name says so much about them, you see. Coincidence? No matter what it is EXTREMELY fascinating, no?
Tankard -- please clear this up! We have to get an answer before November!
August 15, 2008 2:53 PM | Reply | Permalink
I think I covered this thoroughly in the ninth and tenth paragraph above. Read the damn post before getting so snarky, Jan!
August 15, 2008 2:56 PM | Reply | Permalink
Are you counting in base 4 or something?
Puzzled, but admiring.
August 15, 2008 3:02 PM | Reply | Permalink
Sorry, I forgot that mere mortals aren't able see the part that I posted using invisible electrons.
Basically and for all intents and purposes, what I said there in anticipation of Jan's question was, to wit and so forth, beyond any reasonable doubt not contrary to the opposite of the original statement made by the party in question. Further, when all is said and done, the utterance will overshadow the doneness, and the degree of difficulty encountered will dwindle into the lowest form of formation or disin-formation.
This is Tankard, and I approve this massage.
August 15, 2008 3:21 PM | Reply | Permalink
Well, "Tankard" also rhymes with "bank card," which makes me wonder if you had anything to do with the S & L crisis.
Oh, never mind! That was completely vetted in paragraph 11! Thanks!
August 15, 2008 3:13 PM | Reply | Permalink
Actually, I had nothing to do with the S crisis. My attorney has instructed me not to comment on the L crisis due to ongoing liposuction.
August 15, 2008 3:35 PM | Reply | Permalink
You too!?
August 15, 2008 3:40 PM | Reply | Permalink
No, you're thinking of acupuncture.
August 15, 2008 3:44 PM | Reply | Permalink
I'm glad to see this resolved. I took the LB authors at their word, however, I see now there was no basis to do that, as far as I know. Because as far as they know is actually not that far.
Now I am concerned, very concerned. Could this be excellent news for Hillary?
August 15, 2008 3:44 PM | Reply | Permalink
HUMANS ARE MORONS
[SIGH]
August 15, 2008 3:55 PM | Reply | Permalink
And whose fault is that?
August 15, 2008 4:13 PM | Reply | Permalink
Takes one to know one, Big Guy.
You created the Republicans, right?
You don't need to stammer any explanations....
August 15, 2008 5:12 PM | Reply | Permalink
IN MY INFINITE MERCY, I GIVE YOU THE GIFT OF FREE WILL, AND YOU MORONS USE IT TO ELECT MORONS. THEN YOU ARGUE WITH AN INFINITE MIND ABOUT WHO THE MORON IS.
I'LL CHECK BACK IN A FEW MILLENNIA TO SEE IF YOU STILL EXIST.
August 15, 2008 5:29 PM | Reply | Permalink
Must you always yell, ol' yeller?
August 15, 2008 6:29 PM | Reply | Permalink
Aw, the yelling is because it's what the morons expect from the God they created in their own moronic image. God is a man who yells at us and smites us.
August 16, 2008 4:57 AM | Reply | Permalink
Couldn't he just burn a bush (now there's a thought!) or something? I don't know...pillar of fire, lightning in the east, eye of newt, something quieter?
August 16, 2008 8:12 AM | Reply | Permalink
Great suggestions. Quieter and far more impressive and entertaining.
August 16, 2008 2:56 PM | Reply | Permalink
Big talk for someone who invented elephantiasis and flesh-eating bacteria! That must of used up a lot of your infinite brain power!
Great eco-system you set up! Where we all have to murder other life forms simply to survive! Another genius-level idea....
Yeah, you're a real smart and caring guy!
Don't let the screen door hit you on your way out!
Oh, and by the way, leave the keys to the cellular automata on the dresser, we're taking over the operation of this place and are going to patch up the kludge you left us!
August 15, 2008 6:34 PM | Reply | Permalink
What Lux said!!!!!
August 15, 2008 9:41 PM | Reply | Permalink
Tankard, have you ever been in a movie?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUee1WvtQZU
August 15, 2008 4:51 PM | Reply | Permalink
There is a shortage of perfect breasts in this world...
August 15, 2008 6:28 PM | Reply | Permalink
But what's so rare as a steak in June?
--Pogo
August 15, 2008 7:07 PM | Reply | Permalink
Which world are you talking about? I personally have one perfect breast.
Hey, Orlando -- I loved that clip!
Anyone here seen the new movie, "The Fall?" Amazing!
August 15, 2008 10:25 PM | Reply | Permalink
I personally have one perfect breast.
Where do you keep it?
August 16, 2008 8:14 AM | Reply | Permalink
Hmmm. That quote's not in the clip Orlando linked to. Is that your favorite quote because it involves one of your favorite subjects?
August 16, 2008 5:02 AM | Reply | Permalink
Actually, it involves any number of my favorite subjects.
August 16, 2008 7:58 AM | Reply | Permalink
I picture you in a Homer Simpson-esque state of ecstasy as you daydream about your favorite subjects: "Mmmmmm......booooobieees.....beeeeerrrr....ahhghllaahhgllhh..."
By the way, I'm packin' a pair that might have you believing there really is a benevolent God. Just sayin'.
August 16, 2008 2:45 PM | Reply | Permalink
Don't tease.
August 16, 2008 9:12 PM | Reply | Permalink
You're all in rare form! The spectators are lapping it up.
August 15, 2008 9:11 PM | Reply | Permalink
Happy to please.
Just so long as that slack-jawed low-level user interface calling itself "God" doesn't wander back in.
Us REAL infinite minds get annoyed when the interfaces start putting on airs.
August 15, 2008 9:25 PM | Reply | Permalink
Give the guy a break. I doubt that any of us could do much better if we were hindered by being imaginary.
August 16, 2008 8:19 AM | Reply | Permalink
The left has its kooks as well.
Bob Herbert recently said that the Victory Column represents a penis, because it's vertical. No, wait, he said the Leaning Tower of Pisa and the Washington Monument, who do not appear in the ad, represent a penis, and not just any penis, by Obama's penis. The problem: Neither monument appears in the ad, while the Victory Column had to appear because it was located behind Obama when he gave his Berlin speech.
Anyway, moving on: Obama's penis (the nonexistent buildings) wanted to be thrust into Britney and Paris, because they are white and their pictures appeared before Obama's.
Clear as water, isn't it?
Oh boy.
August 15, 2008 9:50 PM | Reply | Permalink
I could have gone all year and not read this last post. What were you thinking?
August 15, 2008 10:40 PM | Reply | Permalink
You forgot the question mark after the word "what."
August 16, 2008 8:22 AM | Reply | Permalink
It took me three reads to finally get that. I am definitely slipping. Must be that one breast I was talking about...
August 16, 2008 5:18 PM | Reply | Permalink
Link? We need photographic documentation.
August 16, 2008 9:17 PM | Reply | Permalink
We ticked the interface daemon off and this is the result, a plague of off-topic posts!
August 15, 2008 11:04 PM | Reply | Permalink
Plague? Off-Topic posts? From the Left-Behind folks clearing Obama as the anti-christ? And Tankard's scholarly essay on the subject?
You obviously didn't read paragraph 15 (Complete with footnotes)!!!
OpCit!
August 15, 2008 11:19 PM | Reply | Permalink
I'm impressed. Nobody ever finds my footnotes.
August 16, 2008 8:00 AM | Reply | Permalink
Yes I missed that paragraph (was occupied at paragraph 37).
La Peste, c'est nous!
Supra!
August 15, 2008 11:33 PM | Reply | Permalink
As tempted as I am to weigh in on this, I'm tired...you guys have fun!
August 15, 2008 11:38 PM | Reply | Permalink
Hi stillidealistic.
This is all in the way of Friday lightheartedness.
But there is a serious point or three buried here and there in the various posts.
I know you are a sincere believer so please don't be offended. It is not nearly as sacrilegious here as might seem at first glance.
There is an old saying: only when the small gods depart can the great gods appear. Our image of God is precisely such a "small god".
We have to boot it out of the noosphere for there to be a chance to receive the Real Divinity. The God we truely want to worship is hidden behind a cloud of unknowing that only yearning love can pierce (or diligent koan study which is to say the same thing). The God preached on the tv is a user interface...something actually we created and is subject to all kinds of philosophical/ethical problems, precisely because it is a human construct.
It was that "God" that we gave the bum's rush to.
August 15, 2008 11:52 PM | Reply | Permalink
It is not nearly as sacrilegious here as might seem at first glance.
There you go again, speaking for youself and extending it to others.
Personally, I'm as sacreligous as I wanna be.
August 16, 2008 8:06 AM | Reply | Permalink
I speak for all since We are All One- you are ME, and I am .....ME!
Get with the program!
So who's spelling sacrilegious wrong. I dunno.
August 16, 2008 10:13 AM | Reply | Permalink
Well, acccording to John McThusela, we're all "Georgians." Would that be "Crackers, or Peaches," I wonder...
August 16, 2008 10:59 AM | Reply | Permalink
My spelling was wrong, and my brain knows that. My fingers have their own agenda, however.
August 16, 2008 9:15 PM | Reply | Permalink
I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOO not offended...I believe what I believe and I seriously don't expect everyone (or even anyone) to agree w/ me. Only people who are unsure of their belief system would take offense.
I love watching you guys...sometimes I even understand what you're saying! :-)
August 16, 2008 1:19 AM | Reply | Permalink
sometimes I even understand what you're saying!
Call 911 immediately!
August 16, 2008 8:07 AM | Reply | Permalink
I have failed.
August 16, 2008 10:17 AM | Reply | Permalink
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