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OBAMA WILL LOSE unless...
Inspired by California Paige's efforts to streamline processes at TPM, I've prepared a simple form that you can use to advise Obama on campaign strategy:
To avoid a CERTAIN LOSS in the election, Obama MUST do the following...
1. Campaign harder in the following states: (CIRCLE ALL THAT APPY)
[ ] Pennsylvania
[ ] Ohio
[ ] Florida
[ ] Virginia
[ ] Colorado
[ ] New Hampshire
[ ] Canada
2. Focus on: (CIRCLE ALL THAT APPY)
[ ] the economy
[ ] the economy, stupid
[ ] health care
[ ] poverty
[ ] Iraq
[ ] terrorism
[ ] faschism
[ ] nudism
[ ] basketball
[ ] nude basketball
[ ] Canada
3. Change his campaign style: (CIRCLE ALL THAT APPY)
[ ] Go negative
[ ] Stay positive
[ ] Alternate between negative and positive
[ ] Alternate between positive and negative
[ ] Canada
4. Court the following voters: (CIRCLE ALL THAT APPY)
[ ] Progressives
[ ] Independents
[ ] Republicans
[ ] Old men
[ ] Young women
[ ] Middle-age transexuals
[ ] Christians
[ ] Jews
[ ] Jews For Jesus
[ ] Bloggers
[ ] Midgets
[ ] Midget bloggers
[ ] Canada
5. Select the following running mate: (CIRCLE ALL THAT APPY)
[ ] Biden
[ ] Bayh
[ ] Kaine
[ ] Warner
[ ] Gore
[ ] Kerry
[ ] Sebelius
[ ] Clark
[ ] Clinton (Hillary)
[ ] Clinton (Bill)
[ ] Clinton (Chelsea)
[ ] Spears
[ ] Cheney
[ ] Genghis
[ ] Edward's alleged love child
[ ] Canada
6. Wear more: (CIRCLE ALL THAT APPLY)
[ ] Blue
[ ] Yellow
[ ] Vermilion
[ ] Jeans
[ ] Make-up
[ ] Bling
[ ] Canada
Comments (62)
This is excellent news! For Canada!!
August 19, 2008 1:18 PM | Reply | Permalink
CANUCKMENTUM™!!!
August 19, 2008 1:42 PM | Reply | Permalink
Do you feel the POWER of the POUTINE? I know I do.
August 19, 2008 2:05 PM | Reply | Permalink
It's a winning strategy.
Among Canadians, Obama outpolls all other politicians, including the current prime minister.
McCain comes in at 3 per cent, just behind margin of error.
August 19, 2008 2:10 PM | Reply | Permalink
You got my vote.
August 19, 2008 1:25 PM | Reply | Permalink
Once we close the all important vermilion gap, we are golden. Or you could just give him the secret of the flashing shirt and we can start a new Rainbow Coalition.
August 19, 2008 1:30 PM | Reply | Permalink
I spend a lot of time sneering at people for giving amatuer campaign advice, but I am certain that putting Obama into Ghengis's magic shirt would be a tactical error.
August 19, 2008 7:04 PM | Reply | Permalink
Due to technical flaws, including the repeated misspelling of the word APPLY and the confusing instructions to CIRCLE options that should in fact be CHECKED, the Oversight Committee for Streamlining Processes at Talking Points Memo has retracted this form. An updated form may be found at http:/tpmcafe.talkingpointsmemo.com/updatedadviceform.
We apologize for any inconvenience. Those responsible have been sacked.
August 19, 2008 1:38 PM | Reply | Permalink
I think I saw DF in that video.
August 19, 2008 1:42 PM | Reply | Permalink
Confusing me with the 'Hoff?!
I've never been so offended and honored at the same time. It's a strange feeling. Kind of like winning a hotdog eating contest.
August 20, 2008 12:33 PM | Reply | Permalink
Not sure how you extract it, but therein the winning strategy lies.
August 19, 2008 1:46 PM | Reply | Permalink
Why can't we all let the man eat his Wendy's burgers on the bathroom floor, shirtless, in peace?
August 19, 2008 2:41 PM | Reply | Permalink
You are a baaaaad man. Ewww! Even my nightmares are better.
August 19, 2008 4:30 PM | Reply | Permalink
Tears in my eyes funny, thank you. Unexpectedly refreshing.
August 19, 2008 4:47 PM | Reply | Permalink
Excuses excuses. Maybe now you can better feel the pain of those who were responsible for hanging chads and misaligned butterfly ballots. (I myself often think of those people whenever I see the line that Movable Type has become the "industry standard" of teh blogosphere.
August 19, 2008 7:04 PM | Reply | Permalink
My form doesn't work.
August 19, 2008 1:40 PM | Reply | Permalink
Try hitting your computer
August 19, 2008 4:07 PM | Reply | Permalink
You're being unfunny again. Nicotine attack?
August 20, 2008 11:35 AM | Reply | Permalink
I'm sorry no bling no vote and it better be Vermilion Bling!
August 19, 2008 1:51 PM | Reply | Permalink
Genghis: I am very unAPPY that Ms. Hilton is not listed as one of the possible VP candidates, whereas her commercial counterpart, Ms. Spears, is. Ms. Hilton already has the best line of the campaign thus far:
"See you at the debates bitches."
Perhaps you could allow us to prick her on any revised form you create.
August 19, 2008 2:27 PM | Reply | Permalink
Please, sir, this is a family blog. If you would like to "prick" Paris Hilton, I suggest: www.naughty.com/news/paris_hilton/sex_video/Paris_Hilton_Exposed_XXX_Movie.php
August 19, 2008 2:35 PM | Reply | Permalink
Hasn't she been pricked enough on the Internet already?
August 19, 2008 2:42 PM | Reply | Permalink
I took this test already. The correct answer to all of the above is "Canada."
August 19, 2008 2:41 PM | Reply | Permalink
Correct answer: Check and/or uncheck all you want. This race be over. Ladies and gentlement, President McCain!
August 19, 2008 3:31 PM | Reply | Permalink
You're all talk. I offered a wager, still waiting for the email.
August 19, 2008 4:02 PM | Reply | Permalink
Nice try.
In the first place, I was the one who proposed the wager.
In the second place, If you'll just grow some cojones and name the stakes, Bubeleh, you've got yourself a bet.
August 20, 2008 8:00 AM | Reply | Permalink
I have no need to demonstrate the size of my cojones to the blogosphere. If you want a wager, send me an email; it's in my profile. If you don't, don't.
And don't call me Bubeleh.
August 20, 2008 8:50 AM | Reply | Permalink
You're all talk. I offered a wager, still waiting for the email.
I have no need to demonstrate the size of my cojones to the blogosphere.
Hmmmm. Smells like cognitive dissonance to me.
If you want a wager, send me an email; it's in my profile. If you don't, don't.
Just a couple of lines up, it was YOU who wanted the wager.
And don't call me Bubeleh.
a) What do you have against "Bubeleh?"
b) Sue me.
August 20, 2008 9:11 AM | Reply | Permalink
Also, we will certainly lose unless he simultaneously stops being so "fabulosa" and curbs his campaigns tacit homophobia.
August 19, 2008 4:29 PM | Reply | Permalink
I'm concerned No. 4 is a little too micro-trendy.
Before you know it, he'll be rolling out internet ads directed towards short, middle-aged transexual Canadian Jews for Jesus
August 19, 2008 4:33 PM | Reply | Permalink
And your problem with us is what?
August 19, 2008 4:39 PM | Reply | Permalink
The demographic is just too small.
Obama needs to broaden his appeal and focus on short, middled-aged transexual Canadians of all faiths, or lack thereof.
August 19, 2008 5:14 PM | Reply | Permalink
This must be the Qenghis Poll. Better than the Pew Poll.
This is a very serious form and I am so happy you provided it, Genghis.
Will we see the answers on the 10:00 news? BBC? CBC? ABC? Do let us know.
1. Campaign harder in the following states(CIRCLE ALL THAT APPY):
[¼] Canada
2. Focus on: (CIRCLE ALL THAT APPY):
[½] nude basketball
[½] Canada
3. Change his campaign style: (CIRCLE ALL THAT APPY)
[☛] Alternate between negative and positive
[☝] Alternate between positive and negative
[☑] Canada
4. Change his campaign style: (CIRCLE ALL THAT APPY):
[☠] Midget bloggers
[☄] Canada
5. Select the following running mate: (CIRCLE ALL THAT APPY):
[☢] Cheney
[☣] Genghis
[☎ ] Edward's alleged love child
[☒ ] Canada
6. Wear more: (CIRCLE ALL THAT APPLY):
[☆] Make-up
[☀] Bling
[☺] Canada
Great questionnaire, Xenghis. Simply fab!! Makes me very APPY.
August 19, 2008 5:32 PM | Reply | Permalink
Cool graphics. Where do I get me some of that? I want to change my name to ☠enghis.
(I'm honored that you remember my brief sojourn as Dr. Qenghis.)
August 19, 2008 6:03 PM | Reply | Permalink
Yes!!!! I am ☠enghis. Hear me roar!!!!!!
August 19, 2008 6:11 PM | Reply | Permalink
LOL!
You wear it so well, Dr. Qenghis [Dr. ☠enghis] Truly. ;)
August 19, 2008 11:10 PM | Reply | Permalink
No, no, no. Not enough choices.
1. Campaign harder in: Guam
2. Focus on: believing in the flag
3. Change his campaign style to: bipolar hockey dad
4. Select the following running mate: Clinton (George)
5. Wear more: bowling shoes and shooting vests (simultaneously)
6. Spend more time in: exotic, tropical, foreign, Hawaii
7. Promise more foreign aid for: New Mexico
8. Buy more: vacation homes and luxury condos on the beach
9. Drink more: PBR
10. Attend more: town hall debates in dementia wards
August 19, 2008 6:04 PM | Reply | Permalink
I'll convene with the Committee, but I can't promise anything; I used up most of my political capital getting Edward's love child in. I think that I should be able to get "bipolar hockey dad" through because of the hockey reference. If you can include Canada in any of your suggestions, that would make it easier.
August 19, 2008 6:09 PM | Reply | Permalink
Well, without assurances that George Clinton will be the VP pick, I'm afraid we'll just have to take this all the way to Denver!
Or Pueblo, whichever has better Senior discounts at Denny's.
There's nothing like eating something for dinner that rattled when it hit the grill. About 4-ish then?
August 19, 2008 6:23 PM | Reply | Permalink
What is your goat against Canada? Was your last girlfriend, a canadian?
August 20, 2008 10:06 AM | Reply | Permalink
The accent. It fills me with rage.
August 20, 2008 11:38 AM | Reply | Permalink
You're not becoming a bipolar hockey dad eh?
August 20, 2008 12:42 PM | Reply | Permalink
"I'm leaning towards voting for the presidential candidate not endorsed by the worst president in American history."
August 19, 2008 6:24 PM | Reply | Permalink
EXACTLY!
August 19, 2008 9:31 PM | Reply | Permalink
Yes, exactly.
Here's one of those moments when gotalife makes me believe that he's a nice person... ;)
August 19, 2008 11:12 PM | Reply | Permalink
Haha, thanks, Genghis! Or should I say ☠enghis? ...Anyway, that was awesome. =)
August 19, 2008 7:14 PM | Reply | Permalink
Who can stand against such massed righteous irony?
McCain is history, as in "old".
August 19, 2008 7:42 PM | Reply | Permalink
I wouldn't focus on Canada, they already prefer him over their politicians.
How do you get the font-bling?
August 19, 2008 7:57 PM | Reply | Permalink
I copied it from evainne upthread
August 20, 2008 11:40 AM | Reply | Permalink
Help! Somebody! Please! Put me in the cone of silence!
August 19, 2008 8:39 PM | Reply | Permalink
Put me in a limo where I can tune into the live feed and get the questions in advance!
August 19, 2008 9:29 PM | Reply | Permalink
This is ridiculous ☠enghis.
Obama has to pick McCain as his running mate. Obama is polling horribly with McCain supporters. This is the obvious answer.
Obama WILL LOSE if he does not do this.
August 19, 2008 10:14 PM | Reply | Permalink
I concur.
August 19, 2008 10:20 PM | Reply | Permalink
I'm sold. I only hope that Obama picks McCain as a running mate before McCain picks Obama.
August 19, 2008 11:16 PM | Reply | Permalink
McCain can't pick Obama. He hasn't been vetted.
August 20, 2008 12:52 AM | Reply | Permalink
Going negative is worthless.
When a Republican goes negative he is said to be showing leadership. When a Democrat does the same, he's said to be "angry".
August 19, 2008 11:34 PM | Reply | Permalink
So own it.
August 20, 2008 1:02 AM | Reply | Permalink
Excellent, Genghis.
And they pay Mark Penn millions?
August 20, 2008 10:16 AM | Reply | Permalink
all of the above...
August 20, 2008 11:58 AM | Reply | Permalink
all of the above...
August 20, 2008 11:59 AM | Reply | Permalink
Oh, Canada!
August 20, 2008 12:31 PM | Reply | Permalink
Where you been, man? Without you, LBP, and the baby, this place ain't the same.
August 20, 2008 12:41 PM | Reply | Permalink
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