Hi.  Come on in.  Close the door behind you, please.  Thanks.  Did you find the office okay?  Wonderful.  Have a seat.  No, not there.  On the large, padded day bed over there.  Sure, you can lay down if you want. 

Comfortable?  Good.  Would you like a soda?  No?  Okay.  Well, let's talk.  What's bothering you?

You say you've been reading a lot of stuff on the Web about how Obama's losing the election.  How does that make you feel?

Whoa!  Okay, okay.  Here's a paper bag.  Put it over your mouth.  Inhale and exhale deeply into it until you calm down.

Feeling a little less panicky now?  Good.  So what's got you so jumpy?

Wait.  I'm a professional.  Let me guess.  You're not happy that Obama probably isn't picking Clinton as VP.  You don't like the fact that McCain puts out one negative ad after another, and Obama doesn't really seem to respond with the punch you'd like.  You're having flashbacks to 1988, 2000 and 2004.  You think Obama should be up by 20 in the national tracking polls, not 3 or 4.  You've been reading TPM, DailyKos and the like, and read all these blogs and posts screaming for Obama to change things up.

All of the above?  Hmmm.  This is worse than I thought.

I see cases like yours every four years, though you seem to be particularly afflicted.  I do believe you have a full-blown attack of DEAD.

No, I'm not saying you're dead!  It's an acronym.  DEAD stands for Democratic Election Anxiety Disorder.  As I said before, this happens every four years, during a Presidential election.  It's particularly bad between August and October. 

DEAD happens to overactive, intelligent Democratic brains that have unfortunately become conditioned to take every single Republican action or media declaration as a sign that the sky is falling.  That's why our journal also describes this as "Chicken Little" syndrome. 

There are many therapies for DEAD, but each has its drawbacks.  Electric shock treatments aren't covered under your insurance.  I could have you come visit me every week for a relaxing chat about electoral reality, but the price of gas is high, and so are my fees. 

So, I'm going to go with an experimental treatment.  This hasn't been tried much, but I've had great results with it.  Before we begin, though, I just need to you sign this waiver...good.

Okay.  Now, I need you to sit up straight.  Very good.  Now I'm just going to pull up a chair right in front of you, and sit down.  There.  We're all set.  Ready for your treatment?

WAKE UP!  OBAMA'S WINNING!

Excuse me, did I break your concentration?  I'm sorry about that.  Please, continue.  You were saying something about Axelrod's incompetence, Burton's milquetoast press responses, and Obama's wimpiness.  Oh - you're finished?  Well, allow me to retort!

National tracking polls?  National polls (most of which Obama has led in since June 3) do not matter.  Why?  Two words:  Electoral College.  A popular-vote margin is meaningless without the electoral vote. 

(OK, OK.  Sorry about causing the Gore flashback.  Here's the bag again.  Breathe...better now?  Good.)

Now, follow the electoral college projections.  Nate Silver, Pollster, ElectoralVote - even Karl Rove's - all have Obama winning in the neighborhood of 280-300 electoral votes.  Which means that McCain's not even holding the Bush electoral map from 2004 - and that, for all his lies and negativity, he is way, way behind.

I'm going to give you this card.  I'm almost out of them.  I had 500 printed up a few months ago.  Yes, there are a lot of people feeling the same anxiety, but many of them seem to be doing much better now. 

Let's read the card, to ourselves, together.  On the count of three, okay?  One...two...three.

Understand that the people running Obama's campaign (1) have been doing this a lot longer than you, (2) have more information than you, (3) are much better at gaming this out than you, and (4) clearly have a plan to win the general.  Just because you may not like the plan doesn't mean the plan isn't working.

What I want you do to is to read this card every time you feel a panic attack coming about the election, or you visualize John McCain's axe-murderer grin about to deliver his Inaugural Address. 

Then, immediately after reading the card, go do something to help Obama.  Talk to friends and family.  Go to your nearest campaign office.  Do canvassing.  Do phone banking.  Help plan or set up an Obama event.  Go to the local market and register voters.  Donate to the campaign or the DNC.  Do oppo research on McCain.  (Did you know that the Hess bundling story was originally caught by a TPM reader?)  Go campaign for a local House or Senate candidate. 

Do any of these things.  Do anything else you want.  Just don't sit around and panic.  And, I promise you this:  The more you work constructively, and the more people you talk to about this election, the more you will find that many people are tired of the same failed policies, the same "bait-and-bitch" politics, and the same economic misery. 

(Hell, I've even had to actually share my helicopter to my summer home in the Hamptons with another family because of fuel costs!  But don't tell anyone - I don't want them to think I'm struggling.)

Are you cured?  No.  You'll always have DEAD symptoms that occur whenever some Rove acolyte launches another negative attack.  It's an unfortunate consequence of being intelligent and free-thinking (another way to say "non-Republican"). 

But, if you read that card out loud, and then take one or more of the steps I've outlined for you, you'll find that you won't be DEAD.  You - and your candidate - will be very much alive...and celebrating in November.

Well, gee, that's really nice of you to say.  Oh, don't mention it.  Helping political junkies is what I do.  Don't forget, now - make sure you go do something positive every time you feel DEAD.  Take care.  Buh-bye!