Alright, students, settle down. Settle down. I know you're all anxious about the final exam, and you should be. Your entire future depends on how well you do on this test, and frankly, I'm not sure that you're sufficiently prepared.

You know, as a class you blew the mid-term exam completely. Even though the test consisted of one single multiple-choice question, most of you managed somehow to narrow it down to the worst two options. Yes, it's true that you chose the better of those two, but wrong is wrong and I can't give you credit for wrong answers.

I'm going to give you an important hint before we actually start the test: Both of the apparent answers to the main question are wrong. One is far worse than the other, but as I said a few moments ago, wrong is wrong. If you want to pass this test, you're going to have to find another answer -- one that doesn't jump out at you on your test form.
 
This didn't have to be the final exam, you know. You had the resources to keep this course going for a long time to come. But you all chose to party and do the sex, drugs, and rock 'n roll thing too long and your failure to learn means that we're going to have to cut the class short. That's why this exam is the final exam.

OK. When I say "convene" you may begin. You will have until approximately 9 pm local time on November 4 to complete the exam. If you don't complete it, your career at this college is over. If too many of you get the answer wrong -- and remember that I told you both of the obvious answers are wrong -- well, if too many of you get the answer wrong, they are likely to shut down the whole college.

Good luck.

Convene.