My friends,

after spending a number of years in Hanoi, without a kitchen table, I returned to my wife, but she had only one kitchen table awaiting me. That would never make up for that period of time that I was deprived of a kitchen table. I needed a woman that could afford to shower me with all the kitchen tables that I craved to have.

My friends; that is when, for the second time, I became a POW.(Philanderer On Wife)

I am John McCain and I wrote my approval of this message on one of my countless lovely kitchen tables.

Don't forget that I was a POW in Vietnam, and did I tell you about the time one of my guards played tic-tac-toe in the sand with me, I mean drew a cross in the sand, because we were just two Christians following the way of Jesus by bombing the shit out of peasants, and torturing the shit out of captives. Praise the lord. I am so blessed. All my pretty tables. Cormac McCarthy is going to do a novel about them.

Got to go now. When you own seven houses you have to devote seven more times yelling at the kids to get out of your yards.

O for cripes sake, Cindy! How many time do I have to tell you that I have not seen your damn makeup trowel. See how testy I get when you do not share your medication, that you got with your fake hand injury.

Hey, it is Matlock time. I love that show, Andy sure hasn't Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.