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Shut Up Shuttin' Up!
Found yourself a bit uber-earnest lately? (No? Ask your friends. The ones who won't lie to you.) A touch argumentative? Wantin' to go all Bugs on Leghorn... "Shut up shuttin' up"? Yeah. Moi aussi. Here's help.
1. Canadian approach to the MSM. Are YOU this creative? Send $11.75. Find out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdCeKKWJW9Y
2. Mute Tourette's. Look it up. (Warning: Bad language.) (Great idea.) Now. Tell me why I'm sexist. I need a lecture, I think.
3. I may be sexist, but YOU missed an open post on Gonzo. Hunter S. Thompson. Tell me precisely what you were discussing that forced you to miss this. Huh. Didn't think you could. Don't do it again. We went to John Denver's grave and desecrated it. Good time had by all.
4. I'm sure I missed an important point.
5. Need cheese? Come to Port O'Brien. Dude's an Alaskan salmon fisherman. Dudette's a baker. Don't like cheese? Don't go to Port O'Brien.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EtSqerkXJIc
6. I know, I know. I gotta mellow out. Not take it so serious. Long way to November. Summer doldrums. Time for some Bill Withers. It's a Lovely Day.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulCXdkD8_Qc
7. There is no point 7. Why? WHY?!!?! Point 7's have - universally - been crap for almost 18 years. I Wiki'ed it.
8. Fucktard vs. Fuckwit. Which is better? Who best fits? Debate rages. Call now. Are YOU the one who can put the wit back in witless?
9. Fill in the blanks. Make your next post something moving. Assacious. Edible. Fungible. Illegible. Your call.
10. Call me in the am. It's late. Dogs're asleep. Head hurts.
Comments (42)
Hmmm. No links still. That figures. Consarn it. Lemme try... THIS.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdCeKKWJW9Y
July 15, 2008 2:49 AM | Reply | Permalink
And now. Using LEFT hand.... THIS. Howdya like THEM apples, bastard software from hell? Eh? Eh? Yeah. Port O'Brien.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EtSqerkXJIc
July 15, 2008 2:50 AM | Reply | Permalink
HA! I DEMONSTRABLY RULE! TWO LINKS! "Kinky AND unsufferably self-referential," am I?" Tell that to Twista, ya bastids. Smokin'.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulCXdkD8_Qc
July 15, 2008 2:52 AM | Reply | Permalink
Issues - Informal: A personal problem or emotional disorder
July 15, 2008 4:58 AM | Reply | Permalink
I see them as "opportunities," Diego....
July 15, 2008 11:12 AM | Reply | Permalink
I'll take "Fucktard vs. Fuckwit" for $20, Alex.
July 15, 2008 7:15 AM | Reply | Permalink
"Me vs. You," pal. Right here. Bring your best, Fuckwit. I've been readin' up on how it's done here at TPM Summer Smackdown.
Coward! Troll! Walloon!
Ha. All the FIZA's gone outta ya now, hasn't it?
And that was just Move #1 - Forced Umbrage.
Whaddya got? Show me some teeth.
July 15, 2008 3:19 PM | Reply | Permalink
Yo Desi. It's midnight - time for Round Le Deux. I'm ahead on points. Goin' for the TKO. The Big Roar. Hold Steady, baby.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-0fb-DhYh0&eurl=http://www.theholdsteady.com/video.php
I survived the 80's one time already. And I don't recall it all that fondly.
July 16, 2008 1:04 AM | Reply | Permalink
You *****ing $*&^, how the ***** am I supposed to tell you that you're a #%^*#$ if I mute my %^*&*ing Tourette's?
July 15, 2008 7:55 AM | Reply | Permalink
There are treatments, apparently. I didn't post a link to "Mute Tourette's Syndrome," but I must say - even from what little I saw - that they seem to show remarkable recovery. I've been thinking of buying some crayons for a few of us commenters over here.
July 15, 2008 11:17 AM | Reply | Permalink
Fucktard. Definitely.
Thanks for posting the link to the fucktarded reporter getting taken down. Made me laugh. Again.
July 15, 2008 10:48 AM | Reply | Permalink
Just wait 'til the Cubbies get taken down.
Again.
July 15, 2008 3:11 PM | Reply | Permalink
That won't make me laugh. It will just make me drink more.
July 15, 2008 9:22 PM | Reply | Permalink
"Cubs Win the Pennant! Cubs Win The Pennant!".....
Oh. It Seemed So Plausible.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qmglGWMsdk
July 15, 2008 11:10 PM | Reply | Permalink
Great family, the Tards.
I went to different schools with Fuck's sister Leo. Slightly knew Muss. Nodding acquaintence with Enfetherd.
July 15, 2008 9:50 PM | Reply | Permalink
And you see? Zero responses to Point 7. Again.
Remember that, next time you post, people.
July 15, 2008 11:18 AM | Reply | Permalink
Point 7 was your most trenchant...or was it tendentious? I get them mixed up.
Anyway, all the others were like... um, how you say... like poop!
Highly, HIGHLY rec'd!
July 15, 2008 3:12 PM | Reply | Permalink
Oh...one more thing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtWoSsFbi2M
July 15, 2008 3:15 PM | Reply | Permalink
Tough crowd. Battle-hardened. Bigger guns required.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2Je1CEPkUM
I hope to God it works.
July 15, 2008 3:35 PM | Reply | Permalink
Hey, quinn. How did we come out on that meme thing? Okay to use it or do we have to go back to ideas and values?
July 15, 2008 3:37 PM | Reply | Permalink
I donno. Think it's safe to come back out again? Got for a whole there that whenever I heard the word "values," I reached for my gun. American values. Traditional values. Shared values. Ack.
"Meme" ... yeah, I think I'll keep using it. Just out of pure hatred for Dawkins. Pompous prick. I figure as fast as he can coin 'em, I can turn 'em to other ends.
Wanted to flip you this, on oil. Not sure I remembered to.
http://www.comics.com/wash/opus/archive/opus-20080706.html
July 15, 2008 3:59 PM | Reply | Permalink
Funny as hell. Didn't see the kid until the last minute. Hilarious.
July 15, 2008 4:20 PM | Reply | Permalink
Borowitz today. If the 'nauts don't start laughing soon, they're gonna drag their dude down. Jesus. I TOLD ya. He shoulda gone on Late Night and joked about that fuckin' possumus thing. People are squeezin' the bat too tight.
http://www.borowitzreport.com/
July 15, 2008 4:05 PM | Reply | Permalink
Yep. That lackafunnybone has killed more men than the bubonic plague. That piece makes him seem more uptight than Kerry or Gore, if that's possible. I love to do the Wright chickens thing with my hand swirling in the air. Obama should give that a shot. Feels loose. Loosen that wrist. Chickens ... ... get that arm going ... coming home ... more arm and hand ... to roost! Obama has such bad style. No wonder the gentry loves him. Yourself excluded, of course. The nauts are going to get a surprise when McCain cuts loose in the first debate. He's a genuinely funny guy. My all time favorite is McCain on Face The Nation with his friend Bob Schieffer. Scheiffer says I have to tell you I thought you were finished early in the campaign. McCain says that's because you're an idiot. Scheiffer says something about the military. McCain says something like because you were courtmartialed three times. Worst sailor in the history of the Navy, etc. McCain is going to be in his element.
July 15, 2008 4:34 PM | Reply | Permalink
I suspect in real-life, the O-man laughs. Has sense of humor. He's bounced around so much, read widely, had to survive in Chicago- he has to have had one, just to survive.
McCain CAN be genuinely funny, I know. I've seen him. The trick for Obama's advisors is gonna be to let this "humorless" thing run for a little while, then put him in a "non-noble speech" setting. I think he'll be ok. Whereas Gore.... That guy WAS funny in private, but had such a hell of a time letting it out in public.
I suspect watching some Derek & Clive beforehand might help.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qG8_UWX6KzE
July 15, 2008 4:42 PM | Reply | Permalink
thanks for that link. :-)
July 15, 2008 5:10 PM | Reply | Permalink
Dawkins. Pompous prick.
All us genii are pompous pricks. Some of us are also Attention-Seeking Trolls.
You could look it up.
July 15, 2008 4:15 PM | Reply | Permalink
I could.
But that might take years, and cost millions of lives.
July 15, 2008 4:32 PM | Reply | Permalink
And BTW if there's anything I can't stand up and talk about the seven or more flow of consciousness points on an infinite line of propaganda propagation allegation aligator bags full.
Know what eye meme?
July 15, 2008 4:18 PM | Reply | Permalink
To which I can only reply - "Move aside, and let the man come through." Super Bon Bon.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gj9xq7Lch00
July 15, 2008 4:29 PM | Reply | Permalink
No but I am the one who put Elliot back in witness.
July 15, 2008 4:21 PM | Reply | Permalink
I just wish you'd get that world's most disgusting avatar back. It made people angry just to look at it. With that avatar you could say good morning and piss people off.
July 15, 2008 4:38 PM | Reply | Permalink
eh, to me that avatar represented the old pre-2008 Tankard, not Tankard2. I can easily visualize you threatening the old Tankard to stay off your threads after a single run-in; I really don't think you would have liked the guy.
July 15, 2008 6:47 PM | Reply | Permalink
Well, there's nothing like a steamin' hot cup 'o rage to get things going in the mornin', but it's not always Morning in America, despite what you may have heard to the contrary.
July 15, 2008 9:26 PM | Reply | Permalink
I really really really really love this post.
July 15, 2008 6:59 PM | Reply | Permalink
Yeah... Well. Love and NO Rec'd gets you Gotalife at #1.
KT Tunstall doing Jackson 5 gotta be worth somethin' though, eh?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ln5NhItXJ_U
July 15, 2008 7:26 PM | Reply | Permalink
No icon is ever the object of worship in its own time, quinn.
Try a punchier headline. (:^}
July 15, 2008 9:18 PM | Reply | Permalink
Drat. Gotcha'd. I should paid more attention to the Master of Marketing hisself.
Dr. Bill Hicks.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDW_Hj2K0wo
July 15, 2008 10:59 PM | Reply | Permalink
Quinn. You always make me laugh. What in the hell were you doing googling Mute Tourette's anyway?
By the way, it's not the title. It's the fact that there's an open thread again on Hillary v. Obama. Riles 'em all up. Just like the old days.
July 15, 2008 11:16 PM | Reply | Permalink
Impt to keep the eye on the ball. Too early to reminisce. Ot at least, if we're gonna reminisce.... we can do it like this.
"Fort Hood." Mike Doughty.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BaB9dow1eR4
July 16, 2008 1:11 AM | Reply | Permalink
Quinn?
Harley?
Dude?
...........
Shut
Up
July 16, 2008 1:16 AM | Reply | Permalink
Amen.
July 16, 2008 4:46 AM | Reply | Permalink
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