I don't know why my stories are always cut randomly in half by this blogging engine, but it makes me Hulk-Smash-Mad.

Here's the rest, if anyone Gives A Crap:

But this latest move to the center may hurt the Illinois senator more than it helps. Predictably, the snarky Left went immediately out of their socialist minds upon hearing the news, filling “The Blog O’Sphere” -- that giant Irish sandbox into which over-fed policy wonks with Mountain Dew addictions and near-critical levels of sunlight deprivation evacuate their steaming mental waste because upwards of a dozen people* care what they have to say -- with immediate calls to recount the primaries and install Hillary Clinton as the presumptive nominee, because she’ll do whatever anyone tells her to at this point, just help her pay off that mountainous debt, for Christ’s sake! But it was the reaction on the Religious Right that may be more problematic, which is odd considering how those people never cause any sort of political trouble.

“This is terrible news for us Christians!” said Jim Peterman of Findlay, Ohio. “Obama’s a gay Muslim racist from Africa that hates the flag, and now he’s going to fund a ‘Council for Faith-Based and Neighborhood Partnerships’? Now I’m thinking the separation of Church and State may have been a good idea after all.” Mr. Peterman noted that rumors abound in the grocery stores and auto shops -- which, of course, carry more weight than anything found in a printed newspaper or on television -- that Senator Obama is a Muslim and so, as President, Obama would naturally pour taxpayer dollars into mosques for the express purpose of blowing up The Infidels, of which Peterman counts himself a proud member. “Oh I’m sure they’ll blow me up, given how much I love America with all my flags and my little Washington Monument statue and whatnot. This is just terrible!”

Senator Obama sought to alleviate such concerns by noting, specifically, “[F]ederal dollars that go directly to churches, temples and mosques can only be used on secular programs,” reminding us that jihad-based activities such as Infidel Exploding Programs are most certainly dogmatic and therefore not eligible for federal funding.

Woken from his bi-hourly nap for a comment, Senator John McCain shouted the words “flip-flopper” several times while pointing at a jar of Metamucil, then accused the bus driver of being a spy for the Vietcong.

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* We would just like to note, here, that we would be positively thrilled with an audience of a dozen people, as we are currently read only by a half-mad Rhesus monkey with Irritable Bowel Syndrome named Mr. Syllabus, who is also our unpaid intern and Research Desk.