Where as I have become bored by the delightful TPM banter about Obama’s latest dance move, I have decided to compile a laundry list of reasons why McCain pisses me off. I respectfully request submissions, ideas, witty anecdotes (please no recipes - food is expensive and cooking heat contributes to global warming) I think my list is fairly well rounded but could use more points of view form fellow TPM’ers.

McCain pisses me of because...

#1 Phil Gramm is the co-captain of the SS Straight Talk campaign and is the Goose to his Maverick. Phil (fucking) Gramm; aka “Enron Loop” Gramm (Commodity Futures Modernization Act of 2000), aka “Subprime Fleece” Gramm (Gramm-Leach-Bliley Act), aka “McCain’s economic brain” Gramm

#2 Weekly lobbyist resignations from his campaign. There are at least 134 registered lobbyists on his campaign staff at last count. He will only give them employment and not accept their money. His web site says, “The American people have been alienated from the process of self-government by the overwhelming appearance of their elected leaders having sold-out to the big-moneyed special interests who help finance political campaigns.”

#3 He is in Columbia this week with Charlie Black (senior campaign adviser) and former Columbian lobbyist. This is to display his foreign policy ass kissing credentials, ala Bush-Saudi weekend junket.

#4 He refuses to support GI Bill because educating our troops would decrease canon fodder retention.

#5 Remains pro-life and would overturn Roe v Wade, this would assist #4 (thanks GC)

#6 Would like to remain in Iraq for an extended stay to improve national tan.

#7 Bomb. Bomb, Bomb Iran....speaks for itself

#8 Shia or Sunni, Arab or Persian well Shiit what does it matter?

#9 Creative Public Campaign Financing 101, ie Talk out of Both Blow Holes Express

#10 Wants to create alternative energy front door prizes while energy lobby works through back door. (see Phil Gramm, he can explain how this works. He’s been working the national back door for decades.)

#11 Flipty-flop would like to drill for oil in ANWR, Off-shore, your living room and anywhere except Sedona.

#12 Wants to cancel Christmas next year as Santa’s workshop will need to relocate to southeast Asia (see #10) Would also consider moving it to ANWR.

#13 Binary cerebral format, there is only al-aqeda and non al-aqeda types

#14 Survived 5 years in POW camp and three near-death airplane crashes/explosions. WTF is up with this, lucky or faust?

#15 Hangs out with Joey “the back-knife” Lieberman

#16 Health care reform entails giving patients more control, ie you’re on your own asshole

#17 Education goals limited to cosmesis of No Child Left Behind, fuck college or adult retraining

#18 Immigration policy begins with a “shining city upon a hill” but doesn’t explain who will do the shining

#19 Will save western civilization by banning gay marriage, as posted on his campaign site “The family represents the foundation of Western Civilization and civil society and John McCain believes the institution of marriage is a union between one man and one woman” Apparently its not islamic extremist but the gays threatening my way of life.

#20 Everyone should be able to have assault weapons and high capacity magazines, in case al-aqeda or any jehovah’s witness knock on your door.

#21 Gun purchase waiting periods are for pussies.

#22 “Effective missile defenses are critical to protect America from rogue regimes like North Korea” because you never know when they make get hypoglycemic from dieting.

#23 Cindy is proud of America, great that’s very comforting to my gas tank.

#24 His website has no mention of domestic spying so I suppose he acquiesces by default.

#25 Volatile cerebral neurotransmitters ala Jack Nicholson “A Few Good Men.” Soon to be verified by the Wes Clark Psychological Index

#26 Hates dogs and old people

#27 Straight talk express runs on national deficit and fear of terrorism

feel free to pile on...