A tale now of Johnny McCain
Whose memory was sure on the wane
When asked, "Would ye drill?"
"Or avoid ye the spill?"
Asked, "How did I vote it, again?"

His name is McCain the McCain't
His age makes the faint-hearted faint.
We liberals know
his policies blow
And you can't fix that pig with grease paint

John McCain in ninety-three
Had a corrupt banker friend named Charlie.
They worked to conceal
Charlie's Lincoln deal
And passed the tab to you and me.

Now comes Flipflopper McCain
Changing Afghan position again.
But when you're fifth from the last
In your graduating class
Reason and thought must cause great pain.

Here's a tale from the Straight Talk Express
John McCain has not met the test
Claims to be mavericky
But no difference I see
A Republican just like the rest!

When Johnny got back from the war
He discovered his wife was no more
So he tossed her aside
For a hot trophy bride
Who would pay his bills evermore.

there once was a guy named mcCain
who had water and war on the brain
he asked old phil gramm
what he did back in nam
then got whupped by a guy named hussein

i know, incoherent. but it scans.

John McCain - what a forgiving guy!
Dubya smeared him with lie after lie
But conscience seeming at ease
He gave Bush a great squeeze
Just to get at his fundraising pie.

Excuse me the following stunt,
Of making a statement so blunt,
We need to be bold,
High office withhold,
From a man who calls his wife a

There was a wise man named McCain,
Compassionate, loyal, restrained.
Acclaimed "a real mensch"
By the Germans and French,
But no relation to John S. McCain.

John McCain was once a decent man
Had many an independent fan
But since 2004
He's now Johnny McWar
Singing Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Iran

Johnny cried "Near is victory in Mesopotamia!"
Which was given cred by his shoulder insignia,
But his mind couldn't keep pace
So his hopes for the race
Are now lost somewhere in Czechoslovakia.

Lots of old men like to talk to ya
About a place called "Czechoslovakia."
But if they're elected
To be chief executive
The rest of the world's gonna mock ya.

McCain, McCain, McCain
Is he or isn't he insane
His first wife's a cripple
The second's a nipple
Now he wants more of the same

From Lieutenant to Citizen McKane
He still sings his “bomb, bomb” refrain
From the Hanoi Hilton
To the Rhamadi Inn
Looking for places to bomb again

There once was a man named McCain
Whose wife he thought quite a pain
She played with his hair
And teased "Thin up there"
Replied he, "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you cunt."

(I guess I have to work on the last line)

With a laugh straight from Snidely Whiplash,
On his wife's jet with his doughnut stash,
McCain chortled in glee
With Mitt at his knee
As he counted his SSI cash.

The vain and ambitious McCain
Dismissive of common man's strain
His campaign calls us whiners
While he flies jetliners
Aloof to the young soldiers' pain

When elections denied him the crown
Bellowed red-faced McCain with a frown,
"You think I'm a zero?
Know you not I'm a hero?"
Why? 'Cause your plane got shot down?

It says here next to me quill,
Bush and McCain are simply equal.
So if you vote for McSame
You’ll only have yourself to Blame
For his term is sure to be but a sequel.

I need to leave this good thread
To earn money and buy me some bread
But it sure has been fun
To rhyme hit-and-run
Now talking normal I do dread

A venerable man named McCain
Needed naps to refresh his tired brain.
When they held the debate,
And he stayed up past eight,
"Erm, what was the question again?"

There once was a man named McCain,
His viewpoint and Bush's the same.
His policies suck,
and if he wins we're fucked,
If you vote for him you can't complain.

McCain likes to pull same old stunts,
When asked about Viagara he punts.
Hundred years in Iraq,
Why bring our boys back?
Let's be true, he's a gigantic [Cindy McCain].

There once was a senator from 'zona
who couldn't recall his last bona
so he popped two blue pills
which cured all his ills
and gave little mac real persona

the McCain of today is a real mystery
he used to be reasonable
but now he can't see?
or is he just trying to get elected?
and then from the Bush agenda, he'll be defected

it's hard to say what any patriot would do
when the government's co-opted by traitors who woo
and one's faced with the necessity of a sort of coup

but maybe the old McCain is dead
or as someone once said "they put a chip in his head"?

My name is John Sidney McCain
I've crashed so many airplanes
I am a hobbyist
of favoring lobbyists
Now you can call me George Bush McSame

McCain said he had no friend finer
'til Gramm called us a "nation of whiners"
Now Phil's under the bus
on his way to Belarus
Like they really need rich, smug opiners

The Repubs have a candidate most inane
Arizona Senator Johnny McCain
Now they are in a bind
Because he has lost his mind
And if you vote for him, you too are insane

Thanks Destor! Great idea. Great fun.

From Pangaea's wife (lured into the temptation of posting again by the irresistability of political limericks):

In this presidential election
The issue's not homeland protection
global warming or oil
nor economic turmoil
but Viagra for John M's erection.

There once was a young POWya
Who taught all he'd endured to our Dubya.
The torture plans then approved
Made Marat Sade seem a prude
And the price that we'll pay is more fatwa.

Naturally, once I declared that Obama rhymes were impossible, it started to drive me crazy.

One day an ex-POTUS Obama
Will be asked by reporters, with drama,
"Sir, who paved the way?
Jesse J? MLK?"
-- He'll say "Don't forget President Palmer."

Can we get a Josh Marshall original limerick here? I know he's reading this and laughing his ass off. Come play in the gutter with us, Josh... even if just for a minute.

Not done with the filthy McCain limericks, yet, so hold on:

What’s worse, a cunt or a trollop
An old man with a deep growing polyp
Think of how fun it’d be
With First Lady Cindy
And a President whose arms seem to gallop

If confusion were sold by the barrel
John McCain's mind would be in great peril
of running aground,
oil spilling around
Shelves at once continental and feral.

Some think McCain is salacious
Others say he's quite mendacious
But whatever else he might be
Always to me and D
He will be supremely assacious

McCain's brain is on full-time lock
Stuck on erstwhile Czechoslovak
Such repeated absentia
Signals certain dementia
Rendering this candidate a crock.

First he calls Barack O a defeatist
And then doubles back with "elitist."

With more than one abode
And skin like a toad

He jets off, and laughs, "I'm no B-List!"

McCain whored for old Charlie Keating
Whose contributions he'd been needing
Chelsea's parthenogenesis?
His mouth is his nemesis.
This fall his rude ass takes a beating.

There was a young man named Barak
With presidential chances a lock
Then came FISA and other debate
Threatened to make him too late
'Til he proved himself the rock.

The answer is President McCain
Whose election threw fuel on the flames.
He was horny for war,
Saw civil servants as whores.
That's why we're screwed on this hell-bound train.

(standing ovations for all participants.)

Folks, you outdid yourselves. Thanks for the belly-laughs!

McCain is a slippery old worm
Sure to give us Bush's third term
He's changed every stripe
To appeal to the right
disguised as a red Pachyderm

This just in, an early entry from Stephen Colbert. As always, Stephen's ahead of the curve:

http://rawstory.com/rawreplay/?p=710

And for those without video access:

There once was a man named Mccain
who had the whole White House to gain.
But he was such a hobbyist
of boning his lobbyist.
So much for his '08 campaign.

Once a prisoner, he pledged to the lord
That cruel treatment was to be abhorred.
But his current position
Has altered his mission
And it's all water under the board.

McCain has chosen to tutor us
On the proper use of a uterus
Contraception long gone
But can still get pills for your shlong(sp?)
Oh what else can Republicans do to us?

Bush's policys McCain has been aping
And jokes of primates hell bent on raping
How any woman could vote
For this senile old goat
I confess continues escaping.

McCain protests, Look here, my friend,
My principles never will bend.
Oh, sometimes I stop,
but I never flip-flop,
'Cause the media let's me pretend.

BTW. Can anyone tell me how to include a pic with my posts? I can't seem to find it.

To become greener McCain once was willing
Until for Republicans he went shilling
McBush is McSame
He's limp and he's lame
It's not only our shelves he'll be drilling.

When repeating a joke about rape
Where the perp's a magnificent ape,
Just make sure that the press
On the Straight Talk Express
Don't record your performance on tape.

Pharmaceuticals that John eschews
ARe indulged in by hippies sans shoes.
But lobbyists' money
Attracts him like honey,
He's a man of such substance (abuse).

When our victories come in Iraq
And Afghanistan, then we're on track:
What we don't have to borrow,
We'll spend, so tomorrow
We'll be what they call "in the black."

TREMENDOUS THREAD!!!!!!!!