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Come On, Ya *#@$& Pukes, Get It Out of Your Systems!
Whether you believe commentators who engage in insults here at TPM should be ignored, sued or dissected and fried, it's obvious that nearly everyone (not quite all) her have some degree of temper from time to time (or nearly always, as the case may be).
So come on, ya *#@$& pukes! Get it off your chests. Insult the hell out of me. Curse ye bastards! Lay to it now! No holds barred! No barbs held against!
Best one gets my writeup in a new post. Extra points for eloquence (you define it), creativity and cathartic effect.
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Comments (133)
should read "...it's obvious that nearly everyone (not quite all) here"
July 30, 2008 4:29 PM | Reply | Permalink
Fix your emmereffin typos before you post you assacious twit. Ah! All better. Thanks Rip.
xoxo dijamo
July 30, 2008 4:50 PM | Reply | Permalink
you can do better
July 30, 2008 5:03 PM | Reply | Permalink
And the correct reply to insert here would be, "No, she can't."
But if you think I'm writing that to Dij, you got another think comin'. I value my remaining tube.
July 30, 2008 7:10 PM | Reply | Permalink
has, not "have"
my kingdom for an edit function!
July 30, 2008 4:30 PM | Reply | Permalink
Dude. My best advice on editing your posts? 1. Select all. 2. Delete. 3. Send.
Ahhhhh..... I feel better already.
Thanks Rip. (Ya prick.)
July 30, 2008 4:40 PM | Reply | Permalink
bonus points for being first!
July 30, 2008 4:42 PM | Reply | Permalink
lol
quinn, you're a trip.
July 30, 2008 4:50 PM | Reply | Permalink
Well, I'm not going to insult u on this post. It is so much better than all your other ones!
July 30, 2008 4:47 PM | Reply | Permalink
Niiiiiiice.
And this response waaaaaay better than your usual, Marquis.
P.S. Ripper. Can we start the insulting now?
July 30, 2008 5:04 PM | Reply | Permalink
i'm drinking heavily now. you may commence fire.
July 30, 2008 5:07 PM | Reply | Permalink
How, with you, are we going to tell the difference?
HAR!!
July 30, 2008 5:08 PM | Reply | Permalink
a delightful twist
July 30, 2008 5:05 PM | Reply | Permalink
Twist? In your shorts, you mean!!
HAR!
July 30, 2008 5:11 PM | Reply | Permalink
i said "delightful" didn't i?
July 30, 2008 5:12 PM | Reply | Permalink
Hard to tell what you said Rip. I went to Babel Fish, but they don't seem to have a Drooling-Troll-To-English translation service.
July 30, 2008 7:13 PM | Reply | Permalink
I don't think your shorts are "delightful"!
I heard they're so big, they've got their own ZIP CODE!
HYUK!
July 30, 2008 5:15 PM | Reply | Permalink
You are sadly misinformed. Try AREA CODE.
July 30, 2008 5:17 PM | Reply | Permalink
Well, here is the big insult for all who read this far... U r all . . . REPUBLICANS!
July 30, 2008 5:19 PM | Reply | Permalink
Christ, I feel like Gene Wilder trying to get Peter Boyle to start tap dancing again after a footlight blows out during "Puttin' on the Ritz."
Let's go, people!
July 30, 2008 5:20 PM | Reply | Permalink
Ripper:
You're stances are wider than Larry Craig's
July 30, 2008 5:20 PM | Reply | Permalink
only on the issues, where i try to include both sides of the aisle.
July 30, 2008 5:22 PM | Reply | Permalink
Quit stall'in!
July 30, 2008 5:26 PM | Reply | Permalink
Wait a mo, I gotta figure out how to work on that material....
July 30, 2008 5:23 PM | Reply | Permalink
You have no FACTS WATSOPEVER to back your post up. You're just another goddamn UNPATRIOTIC, ANTI-AMERICAN FAR LEFTS liberal WINGNUT who WHO WANT BLAKC MUSLIMS TO TAKEOVER YOU FREICKING UNGRATFUL RATBASTAERD COMMY with ties to elitists(sp?) and TERORISTS!!!
July 30, 2008 5:40 PM | Reply | Permalink
WHY DON'T YOU say WHAT you REally tHINk? Ya SlimEY LIL PREFESSor!
July 30, 2008 5:43 PM | Reply | Permalink
Good try, man! But you left out inexperienced, elitist, presumptive, baby eating socialist!
Latte's all around!
July 30, 2008 5:46 PM | Reply | Permalink
Whoops...I missed that he did say elitist. He just didn't SCREAME IT LAUODLY ENOUFF!
July 30, 2008 6:01 PM | Reply | Permalink
Holy SHITE woman, you changed your avatar for THIS post??? This way lies madness!
July 30, 2008 9:51 PM | Reply | Permalink
Nah, I was updating my profile and the moment struck. Feel free to bitch about it...that's what this thread is for. :-)
July 30, 2008 10:47 PM | Reply | Permalink
New look is GOOD. But it makes my riff below kinda nonsensical!
July 30, 2008 11:40 PM | Reply | Permalink
An added bonus, to be sure!
July 30, 2008 11:58 PM | Reply | Permalink
THAT's the spirit, gary!
July 30, 2008 11:59 PM | Reply | Permalink
You couldn't take out a Huffington Post blogger with 12 TPM accounts and the entire RNC oppo team on your side!
July 30, 2008 5:43 PM | Reply | Permalink
thanks for this gem. ;)
July 30, 2008 5:52 PM | Reply | Permalink
It would take you weeks to make enough to afford John McCain's shoes!
From Huffington Post:
This summer John McCain is traveling in style. He has worn a pair of $520 black leather Ferragamo shoes on every recent campaign stop — from a
news conference with the Dalai Lama to a supermarket visit in Bethlehem, PA. The Calfskin loafers, with silver-tone "Gancini" buckles, are imported from Italy.
http://tpmcafe.talkingpointsmemo.com/talk/2008/07/whats-more-elitist-than-a-400.php
July 30, 2008 5:45 PM | Reply | Permalink
you might sue...
July 30, 2008 6:17 PM | Reply | Permalink
i'm more the dissecting and frying kind
July 30, 2008 6:23 PM | Reply | Permalink
Hence the AREA CODE remark? :-D
July 30, 2008 6:25 PM | Reply | Permalink
Hey,
Don't be hating on poor old Ripper! If you cross your avatar and Ripper's, you get a Bridge to Nowhere!
If you take off those glasses, you're looking like a ELEPHANT SEAL!
Dont take off that turtleneck. Cause we don't want to see your TURTLEBOD!
HAR!!!
July 30, 2008 6:42 PM | Reply | Permalink
Watch it, bud, or I'll smack you silly with my shell!
July 30, 2008 9:07 PM | Reply | Permalink
OUCH!
July 30, 2008 9:21 PM | Reply | Permalink
Man, this house is dead tonight....
Ripper, are you sure this was a good idea?
July 30, 2008 6:53 PM | Reply | Permalink
Ripper. You belong in the MSM.
July 30, 2008 6:57 PM | Reply | Permalink
Ripper. You & Des, two of a kind.
July 30, 2008 7:00 PM | Reply | Permalink
Ripper. Reading your posts is a pleasure I can only compare to having a nasogastric tube inserted. Again. And again.
July 30, 2008 7:04 PM | Reply | Permalink
I'll be back when there's someone wittier than Bob Dole here.
Ooooooh..... comprehensive burn. I give me 11 points for that. Don't worry Rip, I'll keep score from here on out. Put yer socks back on.
July 30, 2008 7:19 PM | Reply | Permalink
After you get to 20, quinn, don't pull your pants down. You can only count to 20.5 that way anyway.
July 31, 2008 10:34 AM | Reply | Permalink
Out here in the educated world, we use the metric system. So that'd be 20.5 meters.
July 31, 2008 11:26 AM | Reply | Permalink
I took an elevator up inside you back in the late 1970s and threw up when I got to the top.
July 30, 2008 7:50 PM | Reply | Permalink
Oh wait, maybe that was a McDonald's.
July 30, 2008 7:57 PM | Reply | Permalink
Awe inspiring... wait... I meant awwwwwwwwwwwwww inspiring.
July 30, 2008 8:17 PM | Reply | Permalink
Nobody's got the skills but old Lux!
Hey, Quinn, why don't you show us the other end of you that's catheterized?
KateO, whats up with that avatar! I tried to figure it out and it looked like Ms Piggy wearing a grandma dress! I tried blowing it up and the parental controls kicked in!
Ms. Jade, What's with that Hair Club for Women thing you've got going?
Cootie! Can't you keep your legs from falling off?
Ripper, the bartender's supposed to hang around when he says drinks on the house. Where'd you go to?
July 30, 2008 9:03 PM | Reply | Permalink
I believe that's a labrador wearing a straw hat.
July 30, 2008 9:23 PM | Reply | Permalink
As opposed to YOUR avatar, which would be...
"A labrador wearing a straw hat."
July 30, 2008 9:28 PM | Reply | Permalink
Quinn. This is good, but a Labrador wearing an iron hat, or a lead hat, or whatever those Vikings wore back then.
July 30, 2008 9:49 PM | Reply | Permalink
Glad we're agreed on the Labrador at least.
July 30, 2008 9:52 PM | Reply | Permalink
Actually it's a labrador wearing an Irish tweed hat. He also wears a baseball hat in the summertime, but the TPM software will not let me upload. He also has 3 compatriots, all labs who are very photogenic. Maybe I will share someday. They are all retired Guiding Eyes dogs. I train them, then take them back when their owner's die, or no longer need them. They also help disabled vets. So no nasty comments about my babies. They are the best "people" in the world.
July 30, 2008 9:34 PM | Reply | Permalink
Guiding Eyes, eh? I heard that some dogs nowadays can even READ for people. Maybe we could start a list of posters who appear in need of some assistance? Rip & Lux being only the most obvious.... ;-)
July 30, 2008 9:45 PM | Reply | Permalink
I'm on it, like a fly on shit. Give me some time, these dogs are smart.
July 30, 2008 9:51 PM | Reply | Permalink
Thanks nmcvaugh. This dog recognizes an old friend. Hope all is well.
July 30, 2008 9:40 PM | Reply | Permalink
Going well, but about to become much busier. School starts in 3 weeks.
Best to your kids, and regarding the kids, good on yah! Personally I love having older dogs that have gotten the puppy out of them. Our latest (lab mix of some kind) is just about 18 months, and still occasionally slips back into the puppy mindset.
As for the avatar, it's a bit of an inside joke. The department has a photo board with pictures of the all the grad students. My original photo got misplaced (later found) and the secretary asked me to send her a copy.
I sent her pictures of John Rhys-Davies as Gimli from Lord of the Rings, along with Brian Blessed as Lord Vultan in the 1980s Flash Gordon remake and as the God Vulcan in Adventures of Baron Von Munchaussen. Told her to take her pick. :-) The point being that they all looked more like me than I do.
July 31, 2008 8:06 PM | Reply | Permalink
Good to hear! Geez, I tried to send a picture of Cindy Crawford to replace mine and they sent it back. You've had better luck! Relax for the next 3 weeks!! I like the Viking look!
July 31, 2008 8:47 PM | Reply | Permalink
What did you do to get an electrocution hat put on you!
When they going to throw the switch!!
July 31, 2008 12:53 AM | Reply | Permalink
Yah, about that. See, they have to shave me first. So we're kind of at a stand-still - it just won't take!
July 31, 2008 10:14 PM | Reply | Permalink
still here. just letting the kiddies go nuts.
July 30, 2008 10:26 PM | Reply | Permalink
Ok, now I've done it.
Everybody's hurting and angry and thinking bad thoughts about old Lux!
Now, I just have to take what's coming and not fight back, cause I deserve payback for all those cruel and harsh sayings!
So don't insult Rip, he never said anything bad about anybody!
July 30, 2008 9:20 PM | Reply | Permalink
Sadly, I AM also catheterized in my nether regions. Cool thing is, they attached a camera. Wanna check out the view?
Oh. Sorry. Apparently you already did. And made it into your avatar. Nice tribute. Cheers.
July 30, 2008 9:31 PM | Reply | Permalink
no joking. since I picked up a little cancer on my way to the circus, the same thing happened to me. No fun, my friend.
July 30, 2008 11:27 PM | Reply | Permalink
i said bonus points for "cathartic effect," not "catheter."
July 31, 2008 12:14 AM | Reply | Permalink
ahem.
rules say: "insult ripper, not each other"
no points for playing the dozens on each other
July 30, 2008 10:30 PM | Reply | Permalink
I know it's old, but... Everytime I see your avatar I think, "That's either a heck of an arch... or the only city I know of unembarrassed enough to brag about its World Class case of erectile dysfunction."
July 30, 2008 10:47 PM | Reply | Permalink
Whoops...disregard my last comment.
Rip, m'dear, you couldn't write your way out of a wet paper sack with Jason Blair's Cliff Notes.
(I have a hard time dissing you at all because I love your work. I'd rather save my wrath for real dickheads *cough* Billy Boy*cough*.)
July 30, 2008 10:54 PM | Reply | Permalink
You DO realize the "madness" line I used above was warning that you might be setting yourself up for some abuse here... based precisely on the fact that - if memory serves - your friend SUGGESTED you change your avatar the other day!
July 30, 2008 11:47 PM | Reply | Permalink
You mean we're not allowed to be goofing on each other? Killjoy!
July 30, 2008 11:39 PM | Reply | Permalink
I didn't say "not allowed." I said "no points" for it.
July 30, 2008 11:58 PM | Reply | Permalink
*deep breath*
...
Nope. Can't do it.
My head is hung in shame.
July 30, 2008 10:58 PM | Reply | Permalink
Ripper McCord, my Arch enemy, your parachute obviously malfunctioned, leaving you a drooling wreck hunched over a filthy keyboard pecking out inanities such as this, pausing only occasionally to wander through the streets of St. Louis horrifying the citizenry, as you stumble to the riverbank to defile the mighty Mississippi by relieving yourself in its innocent waters.
July 30, 2008 11:27 PM | Reply | Permalink
LOL! Me likey this one.
July 30, 2008 11:31 PM | Reply | Permalink
Rip. The key here is to escalate - to trump the insult. That way, everyone gets REALLY pissed at you, and raises their game. More danger... more excitement... more fun... for the whole family. Of course... you could lose all your regular readers. Both yer Mum AND yer sister. Though judging from your writing skills - that may mean the loss of just the one reader.
July 30, 2008 11:42 PM | Reply | Permalink
Right you are, you evil Powerpoint head anatomy thing. Blow me.
July 31, 2008 12:02 AM | Reply | Permalink
Ripper you're like the Cards, all offense, no pitching.
July 31, 2008 12:16 AM | Reply | Permalink
hey, man, lay off my team.
And what's with the parka anyway, did Satan finally deliver on his part of the bargain with the Cubs? Guess hell has frozen over in IL 13. Hello, it's SUMMER.
July 31, 2008 12:52 AM | Reply | Permalink
Hell, Satan delivered on his part of the bargain back in 1984 when he let Rick Sutcliffe go undefeated after he came over from Cleveland. He was 16 and 0. Til the playoffs.
That's actually a photo of me. Unlike some of you misbegotten products of unholy unions with visages so ghastly you could be poster children for mandatory abortion I'm not afraid to show my face here.
July 31, 2008 9:25 AM | Reply | Permalink
And Mark, you're just like the Cubbies..... Holy shit, I think that's the harshest thing I've ever said about ANYONE. No.... wait. There was one thing worse -
Your Mama's like the Cubbies too.
July 31, 2008 1:02 AM | Reply | Permalink
And they LIKE her.
A LOT!!!
July 31, 2008 1:08 AM | Reply | Permalink
The Chicago area's got two first place teams, the Dem presidential nominee, the Senate majority whip, more Dem House reps than you can shake a stick at with more on the way, a giant fresh water lake on it's doorstep and more cultural amenities than 10 other cities combined (like Lollapalooza this weekend) and you guys seriously want to compare your backwater sh*tholes and stunted, dying burgs to that?
Lemme give ya a hint, leaning into the punch is no way to win the fight.
July 31, 2008 9:41 AM | Reply | Permalink
I heard that earlier in the campaign, Obama impressed the media by walking across that giant freshwater lake of yours. Of course, when they noticed everyone else could walk across it as well, the thrill was gone. (Which is a slogan perhaps worth considering for Chicago - "The Thrill Is Gone - But It's Only 1200 Miles to Fargo!")
July 31, 2008 11:35 AM | Reply | Permalink
Everybody but John McCain, the media, and you knows Obama can't walk on water. Even those peat bogs you call lakes up in Canada.
And it figures a guy like you would find Fargo thrilling. Christ, compared to Canadian cities Fargo is a sparkling cultural mecca.
July 31, 2008 11:58 AM | Reply | Permalink
You got a date with a wood chipper comin' for that last crack, Nancy-boy.
July 31, 2008 1:11 PM | Reply | Permalink
Typical, you always resort to power tools when you can't win an argument. It' not too late, Bush is still looking for a few good interrogators and I hear Blackwater has some openings too. Though your Canadianness may disqualify you.
July 31, 2008 1:41 PM | Reply | Permalink
Whirrrrrrrrr, chonka chonka chonka, SPEEEEEEEW.
Dammit Mark, stop talkin' while I work the machine.
July 31, 2008 2:21 PM | Reply | Permalink
You do have a way with written sound effects Quinn I'll give you that. Shame there's not much for call it these days except on Prairie Home Companion and I hear that guy has a long term contract.
July 31, 2008 3:57 PM | Reply | Permalink
Oh and Quinn, here's a story about my mother and the ursine species. My parents once rented a cottage up in British Columbia, why I'll never know, it rains up there 300 days a year and the whole province is overgrown with dying scrub pines now infested with some kind of Asian insects that are turning it into a tinder box of dying forests that weren't good for anything but making toilet paper in the first place.
But digressions aside one of your 400 pound black bears (that's a bazillion kilograms to you European wannabes) smelling food, started banging on the front door trying to get in. My mother, alone in the cabin at the time didn't cower in fear or hide in a closet like a namby pamby Canadian, she went to the kitchen, got a couple of pots and pans and started banging them together until the confused, hungry bear stopped trying to smash his way in. When he meandered around back to try his paw at opening the garbage cans (a task Canadians of any species apparently find daunting) my mother chased him off the property with nothing more than loud insults to his Canadian heritage and her kitchen utensils.
Much the way one of our world famous harpies Dolly Madison helped defeat the British at Baltimore in 1814.
July 31, 2008 10:20 AM | Reply | Permalink
So lemme get this straight Mark. Ripper asks for insults & invective, and you respond with a (quite romantic) story about how your Mum & your Dad met?
P.S. Re: 1812. We burned the White House. Maximum points.
P.P.S. AND left you with Maine, Michigan & Upstate New York.
July 31, 2008 11:31 AM | Reply | Permalink
Washington needed burning at the time, we call that urban renewal. It's why we left it undefended. Better to have the British spend their hard earned tax dollars doing the demolition than going thru all that messy eminent domain crap.
And besides we destroyed York so thoroughly you had to give it a new name when you rebuilt it, Toronto, which I believe is Indian for "Boot Licking Coward's Town"
July 31, 2008 11:50 AM | Reply | Permalink
Not nice to talk about folks momma's!
I hear Ripper's ma got a neck! Back of it looks like a six pack of weiners!
July 31, 2008 12:03 AM | Reply | Permalink
If I need any lip from you, I'll scrape it off my threads.
July 31, 2008 12:11 AM | Reply | Permalink
Man, I've SEEN your threads! No one is wearing those leisure suits anymore!
July 31, 2008 12:18 AM | Reply | Permalink
They are in St. Louis!
July 31, 2008 11:52 AM | Reply | Permalink
Yeah! St Louis is so BACK, they don't even have airports..Planes fly low and everybody jumps out!
I tried to steal a car there, but couldn't hot wire the horse!
July 31, 2008 1:30 PM | Reply | Permalink
Oh they have an airport in St. Louis alright. It's called Lambert Field. It's where Lucky Lindbergh the Nazi loving, Atlantic crossing aviator trained for his flight in 1927. Like most of St. Louis it hasn't been updated since then either.
They did finally build a new railroad station in the 1950s I think it was just in time for the collapse of passenger rail service. They replaced the world's biggest Muskogee house, a glorified pigpen which had served as the station for about a hundred years but left the old wooden structure standing to fall down piece by piece as a monument to not finishing the job I guess. It was still there the last time I looked in the 1990s.
July 31, 2008 1:54 PM | Reply | Permalink
I once had the misfortune of traveling to the ugly mean streets of St. Louis for a business convention where I happened upon Laclede's Landing, the sweltering bar district misplaced on the banks of the Mississippi. Locals congregate there in the spring to watch large swaths of Iowa wash by and the view the rest of the year is of the lovely Peabody coal terminal and one of America's real sore spots, East St. Louis. I suppose it's inspiring if you need a stark cautionary tale staring you in the face while you eat what passes for haute cuisine in those parts, artery clogging fried ravioli stuffed with elmer's glue, on a "river boat" that isn't going anywhere unless one of Iowa's oak trees smashes into it and sends it straight to the bottom.
The tepid local brew Budweiser is as prevalent as air conditioning and daily hygiene in the summer aren't. I met a young lady who apparently enthralled by the novelty of a man able to form complete sentences, a complete set of teeth and a torso not distended like a starving refugee child from a lifetime of swilling rice brewed ignorance juice was all too eager to show me the town. The night ended in tears when a local policeman playing a cruel joke offered her a carrot to feed his horse and the vicious animal almost bit one of her fingers off.
I've since lost track of the damsel but last I heard she'd moved to Arizona. Apropos I think and an all too typical St. Louis story. They call the city "The Gateway to the West". Historically it's been a waystop for people who took one look around and said "Jesus Wanda Mae, anywhere even the desert has got to be better than this." They should rename Missouri's motto, "The Show Me How to Get the Hell Out of Here State".
July 31, 2008 11:32 AM | Reply | Permalink
ps - and yer ma dresses you funny, too : : :
July 30, 2008 11:31 PM | Reply | Permalink
Wait...she has a friend?
July 31, 2008 12:13 AM | Reply | Permalink
You stationed in Antarctica Mark?
July 31, 2008 12:34 AM | Reply | Permalink
No Lux but I occasionally have my picture taken in the winter ya twit.
July 31, 2008 9:08 AM |