Melissa, I've been thinking about this all night and trying to figure out how to express my thoughts on the issue. I think you're absolutely right about the suffocation of others.

I would only add that agitators are real and they are here. That's a fact of life and none of us can prevent them from being here. They sow their poison seeds and then sit back and wait. Their intended result is exactly what you fear. By taking the sometimes irresistible bait, we give them what they want, and it winds up being the whole community's loss as we fight each other instead of ignoring them in the first place.

Melissa --

You are on fire tonight in the insight-leads-to- wordsmithing department: "...Those who draw a line in the sand without seeing the sparkle of the phosphorous left behind go blind. Disease spreads on the shoulders of ignorance that rest on the body of a decaying corpse once known as communication."

Apparently you are in distress -- vis a vis TPM, today? -- as I am also? What are you thinking about, in particular?

I am deeply dismayed by what I read, in particular, today. I have become so fond of TPM as a venue that I have been rationalizing cruelty, calling it gifted wit, as I have been rationalizing bare bones misogeny, calling it urbane old boy bonding.

But what it really is is (Damn, there's that Bill Cinton definition of is/is coming up again).. Start again. What it really is is a manipulative game by a few very bright, but very dysfunctional men, who have declared certain threads on TPM their arrogant playground -- let other participants beware.

I could go on, but I may be feeling stress in a different way than you, or Orlando, experience it. Suffice it to say that I am actually in pain over this, and must then ask myself why I would subject myself to it, much less participate in the set-up.

Your thoughts?

I get plenty stressed and sometimes even about the small stuff. I've learned from experience though that returning anger toward a person who initiated it for the express purpose of generating ill feelings hurts me, not them.

So, I try my best to ignore it. Because that hurts them and leaves me calm. I like Lux's idea even better--return the light in their direction. Kill them with kindness. Maybe I'll try it.

I don't want to leave you thinking that I never fall into the trap. Just tonight, a new chatter in the "other" chat room took on the persona and even the avitar of another. I'm not sure what the point was, other than to upset and offend. But I got mad and I lashed out when I should have just ignored.

The point is, these things are not going away, just like the other stressors in life are not going away. We find ways to cope in "real" life. We should seek to do so here so that we are the ones defining the community, not leaving it to the self-appointed wrecking balls.

And p.s. I see the bare bones misogeny as well in the posts of several men here. I often even write a scathing comment. Then, I usually erase it before submitting and I move on. It's not my job to educate the willfully ignorant.

Sincere thanks to you both, Orlando and LuxUmbraDei: I know the essential truth in what you both say and recommend -- I just too easily forget them.
Everything, in the end, is about choice. Because I am responsible for my choices, I must choose more wisely from now on.

I could use a drink. May I get one from the fridge?

Falling asleep at desk. Thank all of you. Best to Sox; Everest says "hay," as always. If any of you like whites, try the Founder's Estate (or is it Grand Estate?) Columbia Crest Chardonnay 2004,or 2006. Sleeper wine, just won awards. From your neck of the woods, LUD, or nearby. G'night. Sweet dreams.

Off to Neverland with me. Goodnight, and thanks for the lovely company and hospitality.

Melissa, a highly rec'd post.

Ripper, a very well-made bloody mary (complete with celery stick, thank you!!).

To all, an eventful night it was, but all I want to see soon is the back of my eyelids. Tomorrow comes too soon...

...and who knows what tomorrow may bring?

Wishing everyone a happy tomorrow, I remain, truthfully yours,

LisB

Thanks so much for all who cared to respond. Love to all - Melissa

Hi Melissa. How are you today?

Freshly painted. ;-)
Have to put everything back in its space tomorrow. *groan* Also, storm brewing outside. Big thunderheads.

Been quiet here, looks like.

OK?

I think I am who I am. Does that answer the question?

This thread will be dropping away soon, and maybe that makes it easier to write this, knowing that it may soon vanish.

I am not who I think I am. I assign myself virtues I don't live up to. I give myself credit for insight when it's mostly observation. Wit when it is hackery. Intelligence when it is trickery. I lie and call it necessary. I claim strength when I am weak; I blame fate when it is merely choice. And I know she will never love me, and yet I pretend, and let her pretend, that she does.

This is not the person I see myself as. But I know it is the person I am.

Thanks for the question, Melissa. it felt good to say that.