Hey, Big Fella,

I realize that for whatever mysterious and inscrutable reasons You may have, You are apparently not into doing any big stuff right now. So I won't trouble you with requests for world peace, or an end to poverty, or getting rid of racial injustice, or wiping out the international arms trade, or any of that big abstract stuff.  Hopefully, You are working on all of that and we can expect good things from You over the coming millenia in these regards.

However, there are some smaller, more minor issues and problem areas down here that, if You have a few minutes, I was wondering if You could look into for me:

** You know that thing You did to the Jim Carey character in LIAR, LIAR, where the smarmy lawyer found it suddenly impossible for him to tell any kind of untruth?  Well, if You could kinda throw that 'cannot lie, must tell the truth no matter what' whammy on everyone who works for the government, especially including Presidential candidates and those who work in their campaigns, that would be sweet.  Also, everyone working for the media.  Also, everyone who works in any capacity for the criminal justice system, or for a collection agency, or in customer service.  That would be swell.

**  It's pretty clear that the people in charge down here don't want me to have my flying car, so if You could have someone up there throw something together, I'd appreciate it.  If You could have whoever You put in charge of the project lean heavily on design elements from the '59 Cadillac El Dorado, that would be perfect.   

While You're at it, a working cold fusion power generator about the size of a suitcase that I could run my household electrical needs off of would be greatly appreciated, too, O Lord.

** Also, as it seems unlikely we're going to get anything like a reasonable health care policy at any point in the future, Lord, if You could kindly refrain from having people get sick or injured, and You could kind of miraculously heal all the people who are currently suffering the ill effects of disease or prior injury, that would be a big help.  I realize that this may seem like a great deal to ask, but a miracle from on high is only slightly less likely than getting any relief from Obama's health care proposals, and a hell of a lot more likely to help than frickin' McCain's.  

** Getting back to politics for a moment, it occurs to me that You could solve a great many of the world's problems by waving Your Hand and making it suddenly early November of 2000 again, except we all remember everything that has happened since then.  Give people a chance to go into that voting booth again knowing exactly how their original decision turned out and You will probably see a markedly different outcome.  And if the U.S. getting an 8 year jump on dealing with global warming isn't enough reason for You, well, think of all the hundreds of thousands of Your Middle Eastern children who won't be dead, maimed, tortured, or otherwised fucked up under an Al Gore Presidency.  I know, I know, supposedly You don't like them as much as You like us, but You'd be helping us out, too, what with us not becoming the nation of lawless detainment, violations of the Geneva Convention, torture of noncombatants, etc, etc..  

Also, I have to assume that whoever Al Gore would put in charge of FEMA would have had to do a better job with that Katrina mess than Brownie, plus, I would imagine Al would have implemented a better plan for dealing with the imminent destruction of New Orleans than playing a fucking guitar on a ranch somewheres.  

Plus, when some NSA employee briefed him from a report entitled "Bin Laden To Strike In US", Gore most likely would have listened and taken some steps, other than ordering his staff to stop flying on commercial airlines.  

Just sayin'.  

**  If You can't let us have a do-over on the 2000 Presidential vote, then maybe You could just get that Rapture thing going?  We'd be going a whole lot better down here if You'd just grab up all those evangelicals and such like and keep them from interfering with the political system.  Also, and I know it's a lot to ask, but if You could make sure you get all those two faced lying sonsofbitches who are constantly talking about Your will and how they know exactly what You want and they're always praying and going to church and ranting about gays and Islamoterrorists and how New York City and LA are the modern day Sodom and Gomorrah and  what not in public, while in private they're doing crystal meth and banging gay hookers or having erotic Internet chats with 16 year old page boys...?  You know the type, I'm sure.  I know, they aren't REALLY Christians, but, honestly, who is these days?  

Okay, well, if there actually are some real, genuine Christians down here, maybe You could leave them, and just Rapture up the hypocrites?  It would be a big help, honest.

If I think of anything else, I'll be sure to let You know, but in the meantime, this list of minor requests should do to be going on with.

Your Fan,

Doc Nebula