After reading Pirate Peet,
I found the rhymes refused to cease
And though I hate committing in-jokes
I couldn't keep from pushing send, folks.
So if you can't stand what you read here
Please blame it on the buccaneer.

EDMUND WILSON CRANKYPANTS
LOST HIS VIRGINITY IN FRANCE
TO A GAL NAMED MATAHARI
WHEN WOODROW LED THE JACKASS PARTY.

WHILE HE WAS STILL A HIGHSCHOOL WRESTLER
HE SHARED DISCOVERIES WITH TESLA,
AND LEARNED "DEEP TRUTHS OF RACE AND CLASS"
WHILE AIRSHIPS CONTAINED EXPLOSIVE GAS.

TIS A PITY ONE SO WISE
SHOULD USE ALL WISDOM TO DESPISE.
ODD, TOO, THAT A CLINTON-LOVING CYNIC
SHARES THE NAME OF A MARXIST CRITIC.

***

PIRATE PEET, PIRATE PEET
SPENT HIS WHOLE YOUTH WATCHING <i>WALL STREET</i>.
NOW HE'S NOT SURE WHOM TO ECHO:
CLINTON FLACK, OR GORDON GEKKO?

***

DESIDERO AUROLEU
IS A MAZE WITHOUT A WAYTHROUGH:
BALD GUY, CHIMP, OR SCARY GAMINE,
IT HAS FOR BLOGGERS' SOULS A FAMINE.
AND UNTIL THE HORRID MASK COMES DOWN
WE CANT EVEN USE THE RIGHT PRONOUN.

***
AD ABSURDUM, SOME CONJECTURE
DOESNT LIKE TO PREACH OR LECTURE.
HE PREFERS TO SPEND HIS TIME
WITH YOUTUBE AND A GLASS OF WINE.

***

EVAINNE, EVAINNE, CHANGED HER LOOKS
WHEN SHE FOUND THAT BLOKES GOT SPOOKED
BY AVATARS WITH WELL-PLACED TATS
SHE CHANGED HERSELF INTO A CAT.

EVAINNE, EVAINNE, CANT BE VAIN
(IN SPITE OF HER RHYMING NAME)
FOR INSTEAD OF BEING ARABELLA
SHE'D RATHER CHAT WITH AVERAGE FELLAS,
AND INSTREAD OF BEING OH-SO-FINE
SHE'S CONTENT TO SPEAK AS A MERE FELINE.

***

THE PRIMARY OVER, 'SGETTING BORING
TO ARGUE BOUT WHOSE OX IS GORING.
BUT IT MIGHT STILL BE WORTH OUR TIME,
IF ONLY TROLLS COULD LEARN TO RHYME.