Hi. It's me. I heard you called. About a dozen times. Okay, make that 3 dozen. Doesn't matter. When I said I needed some time? It meant I needed some time. To clear my head out. It's been a bit of an ordeal, let's put it that way. I'm not quite sure what I want anymore. That old goat? Don't be silly. At least don't be too silly - he does have a few charms, like not following me to shopping centers. And he has that certain old-fashioned manliness, if you know what I mean - kind of refreshing in this day and age. But really, I just need some time to sort things out. Yeah, I know what I promised. Sometime before you had my boss start razzing me each morning, telling me what a great guy you are. Pretty clever of you - they even have an office pool going as to whether we'll get back together. They've even taken to reminding me what a loser my ex is every time I go for a cup of coffee. Which I guess is cool, I've cut down on my caffeine intake. But the funny thing is, it seems to make me like my ex more and more - not that'd I'd tie the knot with him again, but still, he's fun to be around, always a goof, one of those sensitive guys. He makes me feel good about myself. Okay, sorry, I'm boring you again. Anyway, what I'm trying to get to is that you just never did it for me. No, sorry, not even then. Yeah, I know - you have a posse that reads like Mambo #5. Fine, it's my fault. But I have a bit of a history too, not that I think of myself as a playa. Barry, Gene, Bobby, Martin. Even Jimmy and Bill. Okay, that's not a lot by your standards, I know you're into the numbers. But they moved me, touched something inside. Yeah, right, "made me wet" as you so nicely put it. What a charmer. But the point is, you didn't. No, it's not 'cause my girlfriends, the "witch coven" as you call them, put me off you. Old-fashioned? Prudes? I guess if your standard is girls in halter-tops lip-syncing videos for you. I was looking for some kind of compromise. But you only seem to do that with your buddies - you call it "playing the dozens", but they've trashed you a million times more than I have. But with me you're always thin-skinned - I make a joke and you go sulking and I have to bolster your ego for the rest of the night. No fun. And for as much as you talk about listening, it seems like you never listen. I bring up an issue and we end up talking about your problems. Yeah, it's a chick thing. We do that. Hadn't you noticed? 30 minutes in the morning doing makeup, and talking about inner feelings. Look it up. Anyway, I don't want to beat this to death. I may make it to the weekend get together, I haven't decided, but even if I do, don't read too much into it. We're not on again. And telling your friends I'd come on my knees begging to get you back was so uncool. Like I need presidential knee-pads? Don't get your hopes up. I've no interest in switching jobs just to ditch you, but that doesn't mean you have to turn the office into a daily cesspool. Or what? Oy, not another blackmail trip. Your abandonment thing coming up again? See a shrink. No, I'm not planning on leaving the company. I can say what I want without "threatening" you, can't I? It's called "speaking my mind". I do it now and then. Anyway, I'll see what I can do for the weekend. I know I "promised" and you'll be in a tight spot without me. Just don't make it too difficult, otay? Nighty-night.

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