You learn stuff.
Everywhere you go, if you keep your brain even partially wedged open, you learn stuff.
Some of what you learn is pleasant, and much of it unfortunately isn't, but that, as they say, is life in the big city.
Here, I've learned that if I write a lengthy expansion of a classic conservative email parable, I'll get 40+ recommendations and lots of positive comments and everyone will love me and say "Yay Doc Nebula you de man!" And then I will be happy.
For a bit.
If, on the other hand, I write of my disappointment when a leading political candidate specifically breaks an important, even vital, campaign promise, I'll still get lots of comments, but only single digit approvals, and most of those comments will be from people shrieking and wailing and throwing their ball gowns over their heads at the very thought of anyone anywhere ever saying anything even remotely unpleasant about their favorite Magical Negro.
And that will make me sad.
For a bit.
As with life, then, posting here at TPM is a crap shoot. If I post the truth as it appears to me, I will be rewarded either with veneration and adulation, or, on the other hand, excoriation and vituperation. It seems to depend, as the nameless comic in ALL THAT JAZZ once opined, on the shit you're smokin'.
All I can do, then, is all I can do.
Let me tell you a bit about myself, so you will understand why I say the terrible, terrible things that I say. Politically, I have long considered myself to be an independent minded, free thinking, leftward leaning progressive sort, with a current both deep and wide of truculent libertarianism lurking just below the surface.
It came as something of a surprise to me, then, to learn, back in March of 2007, that I was, in fact, a left wing extremist.
So, let's set the Wayback Machine for March of 2007. In that long ago month, Time Magazine columnist Joe Klein
kindly provided me with a working definition of a "left wing extremist" --
A left-wing extremist exhibits many, but not necessarily all, of the following attributes:
--believes the United States is a fundamentally negative force in the world.
Ummm... hmmm. Let's see. Have I ever stated anywhere that I believe the United States is a 'fundamentally negative force in the world'... well...
there was that previous blog post where I called the U.S. an 'evil empire'... yeah, yeah... okay, that's a big ten-four, good buddy.
--believes that American imperialism is the primary cause of Islamic radicalism. Hmmmm. Well, there was that whole thing where Jimmy Carter's Secretary of State encouraged the radicalization of Afghani Muslems so they would fight the Soviet Union as our proxies... gee,
where did I see that...
* * * *
Interview of Zbigniew BrzezinskiLe Nouvel Observateur (France), Jan 15-21, 1998, p. 76*
Q: The former director of the CIA, Robert Gates, stated in his memoirs ["From the Shadows"], that American intelligence services began to aid the Mujahadeen in Afghanistan 6 months before the Soviet intervention. In this period you were the national security adviser to President Carter. You therefore played a role in this affair. Is that correct?
Brzezinski: Yes. According to the official version of history, CIA aid to the Mujahadeen began during 1980, that is to say, after the Soviet army invaded Afghanistan, 24 Dec 1979. But the reality, secretly guarded until now, is completely otherwise: Indeed, it was July 3, 1979 that President Carter signed the first directive for secret aid to the opponents of the pro-Soviet regime in Kabul. And that very day, I wrote a note to the president in which I explained to him that in my opinion this aid was going to induce a Soviet military intervention.
Q: Despite this risk, you were an advocate of this covert action. But perhaps you yourself desired this Soviet entry into war and looked to provoke it?
B: It isn't quite that. We didn't push the Russians to intervene, but we knowingly increased the probability that they would.
Q: When the Soviets justified their intervention by asserting that they intended to fight against a secret involvement of the United States in Afghanistan, people didn't believe them. However, there was a basis of truth. You don't regret anything today?
B: Regret what? That secret operation was an excellent idea. It had the effect of drawing the Russians into the Afghan trap and you want me to regret it? The day that the Soviets officially crossed the border, I wrote to President Carter: We now have the opportunity of giving to the USSR its Vietnam war. Indeed, for almost 10 years, Moscow had to carry on a war unsupportable by the government, a conflict that brought about the demoralization and finally the breakup of the Soviet empire.
Q: And neither do you regret having supported the Islamic [intégrisme], having given arms and advice to future terrorists?
B: What is most important to the history of the world? The Taliban or the collapse of the Soviet empire? Some stirred-up Moslems or the liberation of Central Europe and the end of the cold war?
* * * *
Oh, yeah, that's where. Okay. Let's put a check mark on that one and move on to...
--believes that the decision to go to war in Iraq was not an individual case of monumental stupidity, but a consequence of America’s fundamental imperialistic nature.It... I... well, gee, where do I start with this one? The Louisiana Purchase, the systematic campaign of terror and genocide against the indigenous races of the North American continent, the annexation by force of Hawaii, Puerto Rico, and the Phillippines, 700 U.S. military bases all across the globe, the World Bank being pretty much entirely U.S. controlled... yeah... sounds like we're pretty imperialist to me. Is that the major reason behind the invasion of Iraq? Well, that and making sure the price of oil stays high by keeping the Iraqi oil fields largely unexploited, yeah. So sign me up for this one, too.
--tends to blame America for the failures of others—i.e. the failure of our NATO allies to fulfill their responsibilities in Afghanistan.
I... don't know what this means. I think it requires translation. I suspect it means "tends to blame America for the consequences of its own actions", and if so, well, yeah, I'm climbing in that boat, too.
--doesn’t believe that capitalism, carefully regulated and progressively taxed, is the best liberal idea in human history.
Show me an example of capitalism, carefully regulated and progressively taxed, and I'll advise as to how I feel about it. We sure as shit don't have anything remotely fitting that description here in the good ol' U.S.A.
--believes American society is fundamentally unfair (as opposed to having unfair aspects that need improvement). American society is perfectly fair to the 1-2% of the American population that currently controls something like 92% of American wealth. For the rest of us, not so much.
Okay, let me expand on that a little bit. American society has never been about being 'fair', not in economic terms, nor, for that matter, in any other. The United States was founded by a group of rich white guys who came to North America because they were sick and tired of being fucked with by the Church and the State back home. They believed in (among other things) private property, gun ownership, chattel slavery, and the utter immorality of the very notion of an income tax.
They kicked Britain off the continent and set up their own government and that government was never about being 'fair', whatever the hell 'fair' means. The government they set up was about common defense and interstate commerce, and the governing documents they wrote denoted a very long list of things that the government could never, never do to United States citizens... by which, our Founding Fathers meant, white landowning males, and their property, which included by definition, all the non-white, non-landowning males and pretty much all females.
None of this is 'fair'. You could pulverize all of human history and sift through it like bread crumbs for the rest of your life and you would never find a bigger, more arrogant bunch of snobby class-centric elitist pricks than the American Founding Fathers. They had no desire for, nor intention of setting up, a 'fair' society; they wanted a government and an economic system that would support, protect, and defend the already entrenched and wealthy land owning interests. And that's what they (and the rest of us) got.
So, yeah, I guess I can put my initials next to this one, too.
--believes that eternal problems like crime and poverty are the primarily the fault of society.Well, I'd say they are the fault of the entrenched and wealthy property owning interests, which enjoy living in a world of enormous economic class distinctions, because it allows them to live very very well off the labor of others, and feel snotty about it, too. But if you want to boil all that down to 'society', well, sure, what the hell. I'll buy that for a dollar.
--believes that America isn’t really a democracy.Shenanigans! When even an asshat like Rush Limbaugh knows full well that the U.S. is a representative republic rather than a pure democracy, I have to assume that someone like Joe Klein is aware of it as well. (If he's not, he should be fired and TIME magazine should give his job to me.)
Which is to say, we are a representative republic,
in theory. That theory these days is largely obsolete; in actual practice, we are currently pretty much a tyranny. Some may disagree simply because Homeland Security hasn't shown up at their door and sent them off to some secret prison to be interrogated for being an enemy combatant...
yet... but it could happen in the next five minutes, and there is nothing you or me or anyone else can do about it once it has. That smells like tyranny to me. Those who disagree are cordially invited to take a big whiff of Jose Padilla next time he shuffles by in leg irons and tell me what it smells like to them. Boneheads.
--believes that corporations are fundamentally evil.I like John Brunner's definition of evil, which is basically, anything that treats human beings as chattel, is evil. This is essentially what corporations are all about -- treating everything in the world, including human beings, as marketable, fungible assets. To me, that seems pretty evil, yeah. And it is an incontrovertible part of corporate existence, so, yes, corporations are evil.
--believes in a corporate conspiracy that controls the world. Well, I believe the sonsofbitches do their best, but on my good days, I hope to jesus they aren't quite all the way there yet.
--is intolerant of good ideas when they come from conservative sources. Um... you're going to have to give me an example so I know which kind of 'conservative sources' you're referencing. Conservative sources who believe in small government and taxes on consumption instead of income and a non-fiat economy I'm willing to listen to.
On the other hand, if you're using 'conservative' to mean "AAARRRGGGHHHHH FAGGOTS AND NEGRAS AND LIBRULS AND WETBACKS AND GODDAM FURRINERS ALL SUCK AND SHOULD BE DEPORTED AND KILLED AND LOCKED UP AND TORTURED YEEEEEAAAARRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!" and all that other hateful white power shit, then yeah, all those turd monkeys can kiss my ass, backwards, forwards, and upside down.
--dismissively mocks people of faith, especially those who are opposed to abortion and gay marriage.Hey, I mock nearly
any one of faith, if one of their articles of faith is "There's an invisible Scoutmaster In The Sky who loves me unconditionally despite the fact that I want to have everyone who disagrees with me locked up, tortured, deported, and/or killed".
Now, if you add in there that these 'people of faith' use their 'faith' to justify denying other people the right to (a) decide which medical procedures they will and won't have, and (b) get married to whomever they choose, then, you know, I say they're asparagus and I say the hell with them. And if that's dismissive mockery, well, juck 'em if they can't take a foke. Or something.
--regularly uses harsh, vulgar, intolerant language to attack moderates or conservatives.
I don't know if I regularly use harsh, vulgar, intolerant language to attack moderates or conservatives, but I sure as fuck will break into some serious cocksucking vulgarity in response to idiotic horseshit like, I dunno, a fucking drug addict like Rush Limbaugh demanding that that all drug addicts but him be immediately executed, or a she-troll like Anne Coulter calling a Democratic candidate for President a faggot at a major conservative gathering and getting a for the love of Christ
standing ovation for it.
Show me pictures of Iraqi kids with no arms or legs or newlywed Marines with melted faces and I'll get positively goddam
abusive with the fuckheads responsible for
that shit, too.
Those who do not like this; I have an ass, I presume they have lips; apply as necessary to resolve the issue.
Oh. Um... yeah, yeah, I guess I qualify for this one, too.
This is a partial list, off the top of my head--additions and subtractions will be carefully considered. No, no, I think this is a fabulous list. Honestly. I had no idea I was such a nutjob, but I'm delirious at the validation.
If readers would like, I'll give you my definition of right-wing extremism next week.No need, I've done that for you. Where was it... oh, yeah. Anyone who thinks that people who disagree with them should be (a) locked up, (b) tortured, (c) beaten in public, (d) executed, or (e) any/all of the above, are extreme right wing nutballs. You can tell them from the extreme left wing nutballs, because while we believe many things that are actually true regardless of how offensive you find that actuality, we do not advocate anyone being locked up for refusing to subscribe to our belief system, much less such people being beaten, tortured, deported, or executed.
P.S. It would be wildly stupid for me to get into a pissing match by naming names. One man's 'wildly stupid' is another's courageous honesty, but, y'know, WTF, Joe, you're a dipshit anyway.
I won't go there...And bear in mind, the characteristics above should be regarded as tendencies, not cast-in-stone beliefs.
In other words, you don't need to REALLY believe any of these things all that strongly for the Joe Kleins of this world to dismiss you completely (but not harshly or with vulgar language, cuz he's too cool for all that shit, yeah buddy); he'll dismiss you completely if you only kinda-sorta believe one of them. Sweet!
Correction:: Sean Hannity is a ideological extremist and a bully.
He's an effing jack ass, too. Thanks for playing our game.
Atrios may or may not be an ideological extremist--I was wrong to say he was, since I don't know enough about him--but he sure is a purveyor of extreme and terminally smug rhetoric. I don't know if Atrios is an ideological extremist, either, but 'smug' is endemic to the blogosphere and the pundit class in general. 'Terminal' is a thoughtless, kneejerk misuse of the language in this context; a great many people writing and voicing their views on a great many subjects are smug, but none of them (perhaps unfortunately) are going to die of it. And from what I've read, if anyone was going to die of terminal smugness, Joe Klein would be in Cheyne-Stokes respiration right now... and probably so would I, smug, supercilious asshat that I am.
Readers' Bottom Line: There are no lefties left.I am King!
There are no socialists left.I hear there are a few in Sweden, Norway, and the Netherlands. Maybe a couple down in Cuba, too, I dunno.
No one has ever assumed that "corporate" equals "evil."It's like that old Trident chewing gum commercial, where the hot former Olympic figure skater says "Who wants gum?" and all the kids starting waving their hands frantically. Which is to say, when Joe Klein advises that "no one has ever assumed that 'corporate' equals 'evil', I immediately start waving my hand vehemently while screaming "I do! I do!"
No one has ever said that America was an aggressive, imperialistic power in the world.Joe Klein clearly needs to get out more.
This blog, and
this one, and
this one, and
this one over here all say that America is an aggressive, imperialistic power all the time. Honest.
No one has ever accused anyone of "blaming the victim" when it comes to crime or poverty.
I... ::staring into space, mumbling to myself:: No, I can't understand this one, either. I'm moving on.
No one--certainly no one in the blogosphere--has ever mocked Roman Catholics. Well, I've mocked Roman Catholics when I felt they deserved it, but I'll mock anyone, including myself, so I most likely don't count.
Jeez, that's a relief. Happy to help. Any time, really.
Anyway, while I have always suspected I must be an extremist of some sort or another, I had no idea I was
this extreme. I am deeply grateful for the information. Does the position have a salary? Or is it merely titular? Either way, I am proud and honored, and I humbly pledge to never let my constituency down.